Dogs, Weird and Animals: Nothing better to do - FML

Nothing better to do

By Anonymous - 28/03/2012 06:57 - United States

Today, I spent 3 hours trying to read my dog's mind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 162

You deserved it 40 316

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Same thing different taste

Good boy

By fall3nrain - 11/09/2009 21:07 - United States

Today, I was trying to keep myself occupied due to my recent breakup. I was reading this book someone gave me about animal communication, so after a while, I figured I'd give it a shot. Then it dawned on me; I'm single, at home on a Friday night, and I'm trying to talk to my dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 806

You deserved it 7 174

By sleepy - 23/12/2009 05:05 - United States

Today, I was trying to read a book for school, but kept falling asleep. Following some advice from a friend I tried reading on the uncomfortable floor. Two hours later my dog woke me up by peeing on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 200

You deserved it 5 938

He's still a very good boy

By Anonymous - 28/11/2024 12:00 - Australia - Perth

Today, my dog barked at his own reflection in the mirror for five full minutes. When I tried to calm him down, he started barking at me like I was in on the conspiracy that seemed to be going on in his head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 333

You deserved it 102

By aXel - 13/10/2008 08:29

Today, my dog was watching me and started to have a hard-on, for half an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 737

You deserved it 8 325

By lessinterestingthanadog - 08/11/2009 05:28 - United States

Today, I invited the guy I've been seeing to my home for the first time. He spent over an hour talking to my twelve-year-old dog. Occasionally he would look up to ask me a question, but when I answered he would just continue talking to the dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 302

You deserved it 3 813

By BadBreath - 09/04/2009 03:43 - United States

Today, I was having a horrible day. I was laying on the couch, crying, when my dog came up on the couch to console me. I was thinking about how great it was to have a dog, because they're there for you when no one else is. As I was sobbing, I heard something. My dog farted into my mouth. Twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 682

You deserved it 9 394

Bad boy

By Anonymous - 05/10/2013 20:23 - United Kingdom - Manchester

Today, I realized that my dog is an evil genius. As I sat down to have a snack, he barked as if he saw someone outside. I went to check it out, but nobody was there. When I returned, I found my dog on the table finishing off my bacon sandwich. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 085

You deserved it 8 762

It found you

By Anonymous - 20/04/2020 02:00

Today, a dog came up to me while I was sitting on my porch. I used my belt as a leash to go try to find its owner. After an hour of looking in the rain, I gave up and let it go. Now I'm back in my house and it won't stop pawing and barking at my door. It's 3:00 a.m. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 256

You deserved it 1 212

By A - 09/02/2012 06:37 - United States

Today, after I spent nearly three hours building an igloo, my dog decided it would be a nice to enter it and take a shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 690

You deserved it 4 147

Zoning out

By puppylove - 05/05/2020 08:00

Today, my mother found me staring at my puppy's asshole. She had apparently been standing there for 5 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 445

You deserved it 1 808

Next

Top comments

saIty 17

Wednesday 28 March 2012 12:33

"Why is my master looking at m-SQUIRRAL!!!!!"

missyj0 12

Wednesday 28 March 2012 12:29

Sounds like you need a hobby..

Comments

RedPillSucks 31

Wednesday 28 March 2012 15:13

Good to know you're pursuing your intellectual equal

totalnewbeeee 1

Wednesday 28 March 2012 15:20

Why?

Polly452 2

Wednesday 28 March 2012 15:22

Did it work??

HPFreak_97 2

Wednesday 28 March 2012 15:24

Did it work?

FatTony2010 4

Wednesday 28 March 2012 15:29

You need to get some friends and a bf or gf!

tonygar 16

Wednesday 28 March 2012 15:29

Woof Woof Woof

obeliks 4

Wednesday 28 March 2012 15:30

Troll

cierraashlee 5

Wednesday 28 March 2012 15:31

Congrats, really. Dogs have souls and emotions just like humans. Most people taking them for granite when they are one of the most loving and forgiving things on the planet. You could really learn something from your dog and so could every other person who made fun of you for saying that.

Lizzy500 16

Wednesday 28 March 2012 15:35

I've never mistaken emotions or dogs for igneous rocks.

_MidnightLuna_ 17

Wednesday 28 March 2012 15:40

People take dogs for granite? Hmm, that ones new to me... I thought they just took them for granted.

vintagemeow 6

Thursday 29 March 2012 0:00

Know what else you can take for 'granite'? A chunk of igneous rock.

cierraashlee 5

Wednesday 28 March 2012 15:34

For example, all the people calling you an idiot. They don't even know you but they have do much anger inside of them that they like to find "stupid" people of fml to insult to attempt to let their anger out and make themselves feel better about their own lives that they aren't happy with.

loserman67 35

Wednesday 28 March 2012 16:01

Well, atrocious grammer not withstanding: The run-on sentence is great... I believe you meant to say "too much anger" not "do much anger"... And you have the guts to call others stupid? "Better to be thought a fool than open your mouth and erase all doubt." -- Think that over.

Havin 19

Wednesday 28 March 2012 16:19

#92 I think I love you

Estapc 3

Wednesday 28 March 2012 16:29

I think your "witty" attempt to correct his English only made you that much more of an epic failure. Try the word "grammar", it will work better then "grammer". Thank you.

loserman67 35

Wednesday 28 March 2012 16:43

#103, I sit here eating humble pie. In my attempt to correct someone, I made an error. Thank you for pointing that out.

muffinXmonster 12

Wednesday 28 March 2012 15:34

The force is not strong with this one.

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Keywords

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The Top

Today, after having had a sore throat all day, I finally decided to have a throat lozenge on the bus. It was nice and soothing, until the bus sharply turned a corner and I started coughing and choking on it violently like a cat with a furball. My throat now feels like Satan pissed nails down it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 385

You deserved it 86

Today, my wife dragged me to the bathroom, promising to "show something hot." Not that I was in the mood, but okay. She took off her pants, sat on a toilet, and demanded that I tell her about my day. She wanted me to entertain her while she was taking a dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks 511

You deserved it 84

The Top

Today, my boss held a staff meeting to talk about how the Covid-19 pandemic has made us stronger, that all of us are family. Later, my car broke down after work, she drove by, saw me stranded on the road and we made eye contact. I thought she was going to help me, but she drove right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 949

You deserved it 141

Today, my long-distance boyfriend decided to tell me he found a girl in his hometown he’s become attracted to, and that he doesn’t love me anymore. He says we can "still be friends." I’d just driven 100 miles to see him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 074

You deserved it 130

Today, I called my girlfriend's parent to ask for her hand in marriage. They were shocked and told me that they would have to refuse. Apparently my girlfriend had told them last week that she had met someone new at work and didn't know how to break it off with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 624

You deserved it 3 011

Today, my housemate and I had rough passionate sex in every room of the house. Being that I'm 18 and he's 32, it was a new thing for me. I just received a call from my mother stating that they would not be paying for the baby they watched us make through their wireless cams in our house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 400

You deserved it 5 300

Today, I felt rain on my face. I looked up and saw a man peeing out of a hot air balloon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 028

You deserved it 313

Today, it was an extremely hot day so I hit up the beach for a swim. Just as I entered the water, the first wave approached me. I tried to jump it and lost my footing, managing to dislocate my hip. I had to be dragged from the water by the lifeguards. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 422

You deserved it 2 325