Dogs, Weird and Animals: Nothing better to do - FML

Nothing better to do

By Anonymous - 28/03/2012 06:57 - United States

Today, I spent 3 hours trying to read my dog's mind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 162

You deserved it 40 316

Christmas: Snowy Joys and Blunders
Enjoy Christmas stories where unexpected gifts and family reunions create lasting memories... and fun! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Good boy

By fall3nrain - 11/09/2009 21:07 - United States

Today, I was trying to keep myself occupied due to my recent breakup. I was reading this book someone gave me about animal communication, so after a while, I figured I'd give it a shot. Then it dawned on me; I'm single, at home on a Friday night, and I'm trying to talk to my dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 806

You deserved it 7 174

By sleepy - 23/12/2009 05:05 - United States

Today, I was trying to read a book for school, but kept falling asleep. Following some advice from a friend I tried reading on the uncomfortable floor. Two hours later my dog woke me up by peeing on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 200

You deserved it 5 938

He's still a very good boy

By Anonymous - 28/11/2024 12:00 - Australia - Perth

Today, my dog barked at his own reflection in the mirror for five full minutes. When I tried to calm him down, he started barking at me like I was in on the conspiracy that seemed to be going on in his head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 333

You deserved it 102

By aXel - 13/10/2008 08:29

Today, my dog was watching me and started to have a hard-on, for half an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 737

You deserved it 8 325

By lessinterestingthanadog - 08/11/2009 05:28 - United States

Today, I invited the guy I've been seeing to my home for the first time. He spent over an hour talking to my twelve-year-old dog. Occasionally he would look up to ask me a question, but when I answered he would just continue talking to the dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 302

You deserved it 3 813

By BadBreath - 09/04/2009 03:43 - United States

Today, I was having a horrible day. I was laying on the couch, crying, when my dog came up on the couch to console me. I was thinking about how great it was to have a dog, because they're there for you when no one else is. As I was sobbing, I heard something. My dog farted into my mouth. Twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 682

You deserved it 9 394

Bad boy

By Anonymous - 05/10/2013 20:23 - United Kingdom - Manchester

Today, I realized that my dog is an evil genius. As I sat down to have a snack, he barked as if he saw someone outside. I went to check it out, but nobody was there. When I returned, I found my dog on the table finishing off my bacon sandwich. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 085

You deserved it 8 762

It found you

By Anonymous - 20/04/2020 02:00

Today, a dog came up to me while I was sitting on my porch. I used my belt as a leash to go try to find its owner. After an hour of looking in the rain, I gave up and let it go. Now I'm back in my house and it won't stop pawing and barking at my door. It's 3:00 a.m. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 256

You deserved it 1 212

By A - 09/02/2012 06:37 - United States

Today, after I spent nearly three hours building an igloo, my dog decided it would be a nice to enter it and take a shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 690

You deserved it 4 147

Zoning out

By puppylove - 05/05/2020 08:00

Today, my mother found me staring at my puppy's asshole. She had apparently been standing there for 5 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 445

You deserved it 1 808

Next

Top comments

saIty 17

Wednesday 28 March 2012 12:33

"Why is my master looking at m-SQUIRRAL!!!!!"

missyj0 12

Wednesday 28 March 2012 12:29

Sounds like you need a hobby..

Comments

Dnigz13 4

Wednesday 28 March 2012 13:24

Well were you able to read it

PeteyPablo12308 20

Wednesday 28 March 2012 13:31

Wow... Fyl indeed.

Aug1508 9

Wednesday 28 March 2012 13:31

You need to get a life or need mental help.

porcupineattack1 5

Wednesday 28 March 2012 13:34

What did you expectto find?

greenmen 12

Wednesday 28 March 2012 13:37

Try reading a mind of 2 year old kid you'll get there.

rubberduckie94 13

Wednesday 28 March 2012 13:41

"Food food food, oh that shit over there I bet I coul eat that for food. Gotta poop". That Is what your dog was thinking. My dog dog however thinks of Socrotes, Kant, Descartes. Plus has the sense of humor of all the greats combined.

loserman67 35

Wednesday 28 March 2012 16:12

Who the **** is Socrotes? There is a Greek Athenian philosopher by the name of Socartes.

perdix 29

Wednesday 28 March 2012 23:37

It's Socrates, genius. You ought to use Wikipedia and a spell-checker before you correct others.

rubberduckie94 13

Thursday 29 March 2012 0:14

And we wonder why the world is In the shape it is in these days. People feel smart for correcting a post on fml that really means absolutely nothing, but if you are going to correct be nice and be right.

rubberduckie94 13

Thursday 29 March 2012 2:43

Thanks for getting them perdix

D0ESiTMATTER 3

Wednesday 28 March 2012 13:49

Get a life. One that includes sex.

Arxikist 3

Wednesday 28 March 2012 13:53

Some people take their dog to the park..

ilovetextin16 0

Wednesday 28 March 2012 14:04

sounds like you neeed a life(;

burningpassion69 6

Wednesday 28 March 2012 14:05

Wow and I thought I had no life

1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10

Keywords

Embarrassing Love Poopoo peepee Miscellaneous Christmas Romantic Break-ups Money Annoying Gross Ironic Argument Friends Awkward Cute Haircut Holidays Lonely Relatable Capitalism Work Bosses You're fired Cars Covid Health Jealousy Cheating Parenting Kids

The Top

Today, it's day one of my suspension and probably being fired from my job. Why? I accidentally took a beer out my bag instead of a soda, then got distracted working to make sure everything got done. FML

I agree, your life sucks 102

You deserved it 530

Today, while I was mid-act with my girlfriend, my mom unlocked my bedroom door and came in shaking maracas. She then handed them to my very shocked girlfriend and told her these were the "Busted maracas" and directed her to pass them along accordingly. Well, at least our first time was memorable… FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 442

You deserved it 365

The Top

Today, I woke up to the sound of a Suburban crashing through my fence and striking the tree in my front yard. After filling out the police report, the driver repeatedly asked me to give him a lift to work. He seemed confused by my speechlessness. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 602

You deserved it 2 388

Today, my boyfriend asked my father for permission to marry me. My father refused, on the basis that I'm the only person in the house with a job, and if I leave he will have to start looking for work. My boyfriend won't marry me without his permission, and my lazy father won't change his mind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 468

You deserved it 3 631

Today, my mom casually told me, "Remember that time we went to build a swing set when you were four? Actually, I was going to hang myself and take you with me so that you didn't suffer in this life. If it wasn't for your Grandma, we wouldn't be here now. And when I took you to the lake… Oh, silly me!" Cool, mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 698

You deserved it 69

Today, I got back from vacation and realised I still had the motel key. The key-ring has the address on it, so you can post it back to them. I drove to the postbox and posted the key. I then discovered that the motel key won't start my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 146

You deserved it 42 077

Today, my sister-in-law asked why I wasn't out partying with my friends to celebrate the new year. My mom then asked "What friends?". Ah, the new year begins. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 473

You deserved it 2 966

Today, my husband was eating me out when he suddenly lifted up my hips and started licking my asshole. I screamed for him to stop, since it was disgusting. I don't think I can ever have sex again. I can't believe I married someone who would do that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54

You deserved it 159