Health and Fight: Occam's razor

Occam's razor

By anonymous - 12/02/2011 05:48 - Canada

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water. Groggy and disoriented, I bumped into several pieces of furniture and made a lot of noise. My dad woke up, mistook me for a burglar, and knocked me out with his fist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 819

You deserved it 4 721

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Same thing different taste

Make it stop!

By DBR - 23/04/2009 10:45 - United States

Today, my alarm went off. I reached to swat it, missed, slipped, smacked my face on my dresser, and fell on the floor. As I picked myself up off the floor, I hit my head on the open top drawer of my other dresser. In 30 seconds of consciousness, I was attacked by two pieces of furniture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 900

You deserved it 11 476

By BoomHeadshot - 02/05/2012 02:27 - Australia

Today, I was trying to sneak home from a party. Instead, I head-butted a glass door and woke my mother up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 632

You deserved it 32 856

By Chris - 03/04/2011 17:41 - United States

Today, I was awoken by my dad yelling into my ear. In shock, I jumped up off the couch, and came smashing down into the coffee table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 656

You deserved it 4 132

By ayye_its_nikki - 19/12/2012 05:07 - United States - Cedar Park

Today, in the middle of the night, I got up to go get some water. When I came back, I was going to flop onto my bed, but I faceplanted into my floor. I'd forgotten that I'd rearranged my room and moved my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 544

You deserved it 21 360

Cassius

By Noname - 11/03/2009 06:04 - United States

Today, I went on my porch for a late night cigarette. When I opened the door and took one step inside, all I remember is a big thud. I woke up 5 minutes later with my father over top of me saying, "Nice right hook, huh?" Then he chuckled. He thought I was a burglar and he knocked me out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 458

You deserved it 9 477

Noise Annoys

By Anonymous - 22/08/2019 06:04

Today, at three in the morning, I rolled out of bed in my sleep, landing butt-first into my trash can and scraping my arm on my bedside table. I cleaned up the mess I'd made and tried to stop my arm from bleeding. During which, my dad banged on the door and told me to keep it down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 559

You deserved it 217

By Anonymous - 31/05/2012 19:03 - Canada

Today, I drunkenly staggered home and crashed on the couch. When I woke up I realized it wasn't my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 630

You deserved it 34 446

By screamo - 02/05/2009 20:44 - United Kingdom

Today, my alarm went off at 6.30. I woke up disorientated, as usual. I looked up and saw a dark, mysterious figure entering my room. Still half asleep, I screamed and dived under my covers. The dark, mysterious figure was my mom. I'm a 21 year old guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 860

You deserved it 46 801

By Anonymous - 26/07/2018 01:30

Today, while bringing my baby an early-morning bottle, I tripped over a ball and fell into the glass coffee table, smashing it and cutting myself pretty badly. My husband slept through the whole thing, but the neighbors came by to tell me to keep it down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 833

You deserved it 268

By blackvogue - 01/04/2009 10:42 - Canada

Today, I got up early to prank my family. I put a bucket of ice water on top of a door frame so whoever walked through would get an icy surprise. After I was done, I went back to bed. I woke up groggy and disoriented like always and walked right through the doorway I had rigged. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 423

You deserved it 168 130

PSQ91 6

Saturday 12 February 2011 11:58

At least you know your home is safe.

Mirorbo 26

Saturday 12 February 2011 12:54

Thank your lucky stars you're not from Texas, darling. He would have shot you.

Comments

fthku 13

Saturday 12 February 2011 13:42

Yes, who does his daddy belong to?

athos1237 4

Saturday 12 February 2011 13:45

Well maybe if you thought of others instead of just yourself, you might have turned on a light and made less noise. Your dad had a legitimate reason for knocking your stupid ass out. Next time turn on a light and use caution. YDI.

fthku 13

Saturday 12 February 2011 14:24

Abusive parent in the making, everyone.

love_me_electric 20

Saturday 12 February 2011 14:48

Wouldn't turning on light be inconsiderate too? My parents always wake up if I turn on the light to go to the bathroom, so I just feel my way through the dark. Sudden light is worse than sudden noise, IMO.

zowieandzander77 1

Saturday 12 February 2011 17:06

39 do you and your parents share a room?

athos1237 4

Saturday 12 February 2011 19:30

Light tells me I can see who it is and I don't need to greet them with the 12 gauge. Unless you share a room with the parents you should be good. Go around bumping things in the dark will get you shot or knocked on your ass.

fthku 13

Saturday 12 February 2011 20:18

Yeah, cause sinks are in bedrooms right? what the hell does being in the same bedroom have to do with it? The way my house is built, for example, is so that if someone lights up the livingroomkitchen I can see it in my bedroom. So you'll just shoot anybody if it's dark and you can hear someone? Too bad for your family.

TheFlyingMan 8

Saturday 12 February 2011 14:05

Like a Boss.

Zebidee 8

Saturday 12 February 2011 14:24

It's a good thing your Dad didn't have a gun in the house.

ImaginaryFoe 0

Saturday 12 February 2011 14:31

Word for word what I was about to type, zeb.

girlinacity 0

Saturday 12 February 2011 14:34

OMG LMAO that's dad and hilarious

lukethe 0

Saturday 12 February 2011 15:25

Did you just use 'dad' as an adjective?

EmilyTheLost 0

Saturday 12 February 2011 14:49

oh shit, at least ur dads protective.

Zebidee 8

Saturday 12 February 2011 15:16

You spelled 'psychotic' wrong.

lukethe 0

Saturday 12 February 2011 15:10

Tough dad.

skyeyez9 24

Saturday 12 February 2011 15:12

If you know your house well, you realize where furniture, stairs and the corners of coffee tables are so you can avoid that shit even if you are super tired. You sound like a bull in a china cabinet crashing around your house at night. No wonder your dad mistook you for an intruder!