Intimacy: Oh, so cute

Oh, so cute

By Anonymous - 10/04/2013 04:28 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I went to the store to buy oranges and pick up a pack of condoms. When we were at the checkout counter, my boyfriend happily told the cashier, "The only way we can have sex is if we squeeze oranges all over our bodies." FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 961

You deserved it 13 221

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Same thing different taste

By Juiced - 26/09/2012 18:46 - United States - Denver

Today, my boyfriend excitedly showed me his new juicer, and used up all the fruit in the house making new concoctions. It was adorable until later on, in the middle of getting frisky, he asked if we could go to the grocery store to buy more fruit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 528

You deserved it 3 383

By MenstruallyFrustrated - 23/07/2013 17:18 - United States - Surprise

Today, I was at the store, when I saw my boyfriend in line in front of me. I looked to see what he was purchasing; it was a pack of condoms. When I questioned him, he said that, "They're for us, babe!" We already have an unopened pack at home, and it's my time of the month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 012

You deserved it 6 223

WTF dude?

By lunarstrain - 08/11/2011 06:11 - United Kingdom

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend trying to have sex with a piece of fruit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 140

You deserved it 8 543

Cockblocked

By AudreyUs - 10/12/2008 19:31 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I had the house to ourselves. We started getting a little frisky when we discovered we out of condoms. After a quick run to the store, we found ourselves locked out of the house. Now we have condoms, but no way to use them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 716

You deserved it 18 485

By Pissedoff777 - 12/08/2011 05:33 - United States

Today, my boyfriend found out that if guys eat fruit often, their sperm will taste better. He bought a can of fruit for himself to eat, and said that he bought it just for me. This is the most romantic thing he's ever done. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 396

You deserved it 7 885

By juliette - 08/10/2012 05:39 - United States - Tucson

Today, I surprised my boyfriend with a bag containing condoms and sexy lingerie. He looks into it and says, "I hope you kept the receipt." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 536

You deserved it 4 502

Anticlimax

By Anonymous - 11/05/2022 12:00

Today, my boyfriend and I went to a sex store for the first time, and bought $100 worth of stuff. Not only did we not have sex, but I was up all night throwing up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 982

You deserved it 200

By frustrated - 17/08/2013 22:56 - Ireland - Killarney

Today, after a long and stressful day, I started fooling around with my boyfriend. When we finally got to the main event, I found out that we couldn't, because he'd used all his condoms to make water balloons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 145

You deserved it 7 410

By angelisa - 21/11/2015 14:54 - United States - Yuba City

Today, I finally felt ready to lose my virginity with my boyfriend. Unfortunately he was too embarrassed to go and buy some condoms, and suggested in all seriousness that we use a sandwich bag instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 738

You deserved it 3 933

By onething - 08/07/2009 17:06 - United States

Today, my boyfriend picked me up to come spend the night at his house, and on the way he started pulling over to get some condoms. I told him no need, I was on my period. He turned the car around and took me home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 83 886

You deserved it 17 942

RensM 22

Wednesday 10 April 2013 12:17

At least he has a great sense of humour!

BRLHP 24

Wednesday 10 April 2013 12:18

Sounds kinky.

Comments

farhad_71414 2

Wednesday 10 April 2013 15:50

I don't get it

botanistjessica 24

Wednesday 10 April 2013 15:50

If you got pink-eye from oranges, you've been eating some pretty ****** up oranges.

reflexion213 11

Wednesday 10 April 2013 16:26

Doesn't matter, had sex.

Omniprism 14

Wednesday 10 April 2013 16:46

This is not an FML. Sounds like your boyfriend has a great sense of humor which is hard to come by.

pedinhuh 23

Wednesday 10 April 2013 16:57

Atleast she will get the D.....Vitamin

cowsaysmooo 16

Wednesday 10 April 2013 17:01

this isn't an fml really.. if it was me, I would be laughing my ass off.

MisterEx 28

Wednesday 10 April 2013 17:06

Good thing he didn't say "I am not thick enough for her"

TheCutestLizard 28

Wednesday 10 April 2013 17:57

Hilarious! =D

egrudy 9

Wednesday 10 April 2013 17:50

Mmmmmhhmm citrus

sammiixoxo 12

Wednesday 10 April 2013 17:58

Mmm..sounds fun.

ZombieSazza 34

Wednesday 10 April 2013 18:01

I wanna feel bad for you, but that's just too funny!

Keywords

Embarrassing Work Accident Health Relatable Love LGBTQIA+ Annoying Inappropriate AITA My ex Relationship advice Animals Cute Cats Friends Transportation Cars Awkward Dogs Money Scams Miscellaneous Kids Drugs Family Public freakouts Cheating Sex Intimacy

The Top

Today, my boyfriend was taking me to dinner to meet his parents. As we pulled into the restaurant valet, I saw a woman in a slutty dress and hooker heels get out of the car ahead of us. I jokingly asked if we had accidentally pulled into a strip club, pointing at the woman. It was his mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 855

You deserved it 62 042

Today, my friends threw me a surprise birthday party. They shouted "Surprise!" as I walked into the room. In pure shock, I dropped the groceries I was holding, including a bottle of wine, which shattered. I spent the first 10 or so minutes of my party cleaning red wine and glass off the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 378

You deserved it 89

The Top

Today, I held my cousin's new baby, whom I have nicknamed Canteloupe Head. He then reenacted the Exorcist by projectile vomiting all over my lap and shirt. His mom is a firm believer in karma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 076

You deserved it 35 468

Today, I went to an important job interview. I was really anxious but tried to soldier on anyway. When I was called in, my nerves got so bad that I reverted to speaking my second language. Not first, second. I'm pretty sure I'm not getting the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 447

You deserved it 6 029

Today, I got fired from my job at an age care facility because I was too nice to my residents. My boss told me "They're deaf, blind and about to jump head first into the grave. We don't pay you to be kind." FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 015

You deserved it 3 069

Today, I was in agonizing pain and couldn't move. My parents said they couldn't take me to the ER until the football game on TV was over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 933

You deserved it 3 334

Today, I have a permanently injured right hand. Social media star Real86Hands has no hands. Guess which one of us has better penmanship? FML

I agree, your life sucks 202

You deserved it 479

Today, I received a text message from my girlfriend, saying, "Do you remember the last time we slept together?" I replied straight away, "Of course, it was great!" To which she replies, "I hope you made the most of it, because it was the last time." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 588

You deserved it 2 751