Intimacy: Quickie

Quickie

By cantgetitupcantgetiton - 14/01/2010 01:02 - United States

Today, I realized that the amount of time it takes my boyfriend to get an erection takes longer than the actual sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 422

You deserved it 3 243

When Christmas Ends Badly…
Rather than debating politics with Uncle Roger for the umpteenth time, share the best Christmas FMLs to finally have a good family meal! More…

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Same thing different taste

This is shit

By Anonymous - 03/01/2011 01:22 - United Kingdom

Today, I realised it takes me longer to take a dump than it does to have sex with my boyfriend. I also realised taking a dump is more satisfying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 805

You deserved it 6 576

By stillkindahorny - 13/09/2011 05:51 - United States

Today, I finally had sex with the guy I've been seeing. It took him longer to put the condom on than it did to finish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 807

You deserved it 4 729

By Anonymous - 11/01/2013 05:17 - United States - Pass Christian

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try some "prolonging gel" to help him last longer between the sheets. Surprisingly, it worked, and he lasted 3 times longer than usual. I can now enjoy 4 whole minutes of sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 527

You deserved it 6 692

By Anonymous - 23/01/2010 16:09 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, and after 10 seconds he gave up and said "This is more tiring than I expected". FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 352

You deserved it 3 458

Slacker

By Anonymous - 13/05/2024 08:00 - United States - Babylon

Today, my boyfriend told me that he'd rather jerk off to sexy pictures of me than actually have sex, because he gets too tired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 471

You deserved it 112

Time is money

By asdfasdf - 24/01/2009 15:14 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend said she didn't want to have sex because it takes too long. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 223

You deserved it 5 969

Technique

By shiznit - 25/10/2010 19:05 - United States

Today, I found out that the only way to get my boyfriend to last more than one minute in the sack is to let him watch cartoons while we do it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 676

You deserved it 4 301

By hannieannie - 09/02/2016 21:51 - United Kingdom - Oxford

Today, my boyfriend said he was too tired to have sex with me because he'd spent the whole day jerking off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 379

You deserved it 3 124

By user210 - 26/03/2012 03:05 - United States

Today, my boyfriend got really excited that he'd broken his own record; he can now last a full 2 minutes in bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 096

You deserved it 4 085

Mr Selfish

By Anonymous - 20/04/2021 11:00

Today, it's the fifth time this week alone I've attempted to explain to my boyfriend that I need more than just two minutes of foreplay to get horny. He tells me he's too tired, but is apparently not too tired to receive head and then have sex afterwards. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 233

You deserved it 192

Anonymous874598 0

Thursday 14 January 2010 9:31

Have you tried sucking his dick before sex ?

CallMeHush 0

Thursday 14 January 2010 11:35

What is he like 90?

Comments

xgamer_girlx 0

Thursday 14 January 2010 21:28

um...i think you're the one with the problem. turning on a guy is easy as turning on the stove

ragsy 7

Thursday 14 January 2010 23:11

Welcome to middle age!

tudor_fml 0

Friday 15 January 2010 14:24

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

KamilleBlack 3

Friday 15 January 2010 23:58

How is it her fault that her boyfriend is a two pump chump?

MarleyAcoustic 0

Saturday 16 January 2010 0:50

Ha! He's gay.

brucesgirl 0

Saturday 20 March 2010 16:36

was he stressed? depressed? these conditions can affect an errection

mw2isbeast 0

Wednesday 16 June 2010 20:53

maybe he doesn't like u

boomer_chick 0

Monday 20 December 2010 13:08

had that same problem... turns out he wasn't attracted to me! guess the old saying is wrong the grass is greener on the other side!

sensboltsfan84 4

Sunday 26 June 2011 22:58

you must be dating my ex. in all seriousnesd though, I feel your pain :(

lipstudcentral 0

Monday 4 July 2011 6:00

ditto.

miZscrZee 0

Saturday 24 September 2011 1:38

Maybe u don't turn him on;; he has to find SOMETHING to make it hard. poor you.):

Keywords

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The Top

Today, one of my 5-year-old son's teeth fell out, but he's quite scatterbrained and he lost it. He did however find my vibrating duck under my pillow, and is now crying because he thinks that I stole his tooth so that the tooth fairy would bring me a toy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 145

You deserved it 7 104

Today, I returned home to my parents' house, drunk. Hungry, I grabbed a slice of bread and some butter and took two mouthfuls. Five hours later, my mother woke me up and dragged me to the kitchen. In the middle of the table was a buttered, half-eaten sponge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 636

You deserved it 42 714

The Top

Today, I woke up to see my 8-year-old cousin licking my hand. All of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 751

You deserved it 521

Today, I watched a tutorial video on YouTube. In the video, the guy had several apps with 50+ red notification dots on them, and it bothered me so much that I couldn’t even finish the video. I couldn’t find a single other video that could help me with my particular issue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 444

You deserved it 751

Today, my twelve year-old son thought it would be a good idea to relentlessly shoot the mail truck with a paintball gun in front of all the neighbors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 138

You deserved it 9 729

Today, I got the hiccups while my dad was yelling at me. He then said, “You’d better stop hiccuping or I’m gonna kick your ass!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 756

You deserved it 136

Today, I tried to find a job. Again. It's been seven years since I earned more than 70€ in a month, seven years since I moved back in with my parents, and seven years since I was registered as having a medical disability. Nobody wants me, not even as a shelf stacker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 171

You deserved it 125

Today, the police arrived at my door, telling me my child had been caught vandalizing. A boy who looked about 15 hugged me and said, "Hey, mum." I'm only 26 years-old and had never seen this boy in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 876

You deserved it 2 815