Intimacy: Quickie

FML for mobile
Free

Quickie

By cantgetitupcantgetiton - 14/01/2010 01:02 - United States

Today, I realized that the amount of time it takes my boyfriend to get an erection takes longer than the actual sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 439

You deserved it 3 244

Father's Day: Daddy Chicken or Daddy Wet Hen?
Stories of extraordinary fathers, sometimes awkward but always hilarious. A family read! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

This is shit

By Anonymous - 03/01/2011 01:22 - United Kingdom

Today, I realised it takes me longer to take a dump than it does to have sex with my boyfriend. I also realised taking a dump is more satisfying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 813

You deserved it 6 583

By stillkindahorny - 13/09/2011 05:51 - United States

Today, I finally had sex with the guy I've been seeing. It took him longer to put the condom on than it did to finish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 826

You deserved it 4 737

By Anonymous - 11/01/2013 05:17 - United States - Pass Christian

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try some "prolonging gel" to help him last longer between the sheets. Surprisingly, it worked, and he lasted 3 times longer than usual. I can now enjoy 4 whole minutes of sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 536

You deserved it 6 694

By Anonymous - 23/01/2010 16:09 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, and after 10 seconds he gave up and said "This is more tiring than I expected". FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 376

You deserved it 3 463

Slacker

By Anonymous - 13/05/2024 08:00 - United States - Babylon

Today, my boyfriend told me that he'd rather jerk off to sexy pictures of me than actually have sex, because he gets too tired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 512

You deserved it 119

Time is money

By asdfasdf - 24/01/2009 15:14 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend said she didn't want to have sex because it takes too long. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 235

You deserved it 5 976

Technique

By shiznit - 25/10/2010 19:05 - United States

Today, I found out that the only way to get my boyfriend to last more than one minute in the sack is to let him watch cartoons while we do it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 687

You deserved it 4 302

By hannieannie - 09/02/2016 21:51 - United Kingdom - Oxford

Today, my boyfriend said he was too tired to have sex with me because he'd spent the whole day jerking off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 401

You deserved it 3 137

By user210 - 26/03/2012 03:05 - United States

Today, my boyfriend got really excited that he'd broken his own record; he can now last a full 2 minutes in bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 111

You deserved it 4 088

Mr Selfish

By Anonymous - 20/04/2021 11:00

Today, it's the fifth time this week alone I've attempted to explain to my boyfriend that I need more than just two minutes of foreplay to get horny. He tells me he's too tired, but is apparently not too tired to receive head and then have sex afterwards. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 243

You deserved it 196

Anonymous874598 0

Thursday 14 January 2010 9:31

Have you tried sucking his dick before sex ?

CallMeHush 0

Thursday 14 January 2010 11:35

What is he like 90?

Comments

Mortgaged 0

Thursday 14 January 2010 11:49

Confucious say when you point finger, you have 3 pointing at you. Think about it.

iSwag 0

Thursday 14 January 2010 11:56

FYL

Mr_26 0

Thursday 14 January 2010 12:02

erections are for *******

DynamicDave 11

Thursday 14 January 2010 12:27

Lmao! 14 FTMFW!

I'madumbass 19

Wednesday 28 June 2017 18:09

What does FTMTW mean?

neverminddd 0

Thursday 14 January 2010 12:39

This isn't a FYL, it's a FHISLIFE

epoh_fml 0

Thursday 14 January 2010 12:51

lol at 14! 1 internets but seriously. fyl.

toomuchcrap 0

Thursday 14 January 2010 12:56

#14 yes they are

XR6Falcon 0

Thursday 14 January 2010 13:24

he is a loser. get a new BF

davidhasmorefun 0

Thursday 14 January 2010 14:38

and you are with him because? I know. he has money right. if not then you are stupid. get a new boyfriend.

Ilovelife07 0

Thursday 14 January 2010 16:44

try giving him a rim job

lokar_ogar 11

Monday 23 March 2015 17:38

Thats gross

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Family Money Games Argument Love Annoying Work Coworkers Gross Smells Health Video games Gamers Pregnancy Embarrassing Introverts Mental health Miscellaneous Animals Cats Geek Awkward Alcohol Birthday Healthy Lifestyle Politics Parents Weird Teenagers Relatable

The Top

Today, my girlfriend's dad refused to give me permission to marry his daughter because I'm "covered in gang tattoos" and he doesn't want his daughter marrying a criminal. The only tattoos I have are the Game of Thrones direwolf and a quote from the Lord of the Rings movies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 361

You deserved it 1 490

Today, my boyfriend told me he had to go pick up his family from the airport. I assumed he meant his parents. He apologized and said he meant his wife and child. They'd got their Visas sooner than he'd thought. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 613

You deserved it 6 311

The Top

Today, I got punched in the face after a stranger asked for a light, didn't realize it was a butane lighter and burnt the tip of his nose lighting his cigarette. Now my nose looks worse than his. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 870

You deserved it 3 426

Today, I got reamed out because we charged a customer $300 in labor, all because my manager doesn't know anything about how car electrical systems work, and I found the issue in the car about 4 hours before the manager decided he was right about it having a parasitic draw. FML

I agree, your life sucks 671

You deserved it 96

Today, I woke up in pain. After passing out multiple times I stumbled, terrified, to my mom's room for help. She thought I just wanted to stay home from school so she didn't bother waking me up and left me on the floor. Thanks mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 064

You deserved it 561

Today, my flatmate was criticising his nephew for being too lazy to get a job. His nephew actually has a physical disability, so I pointed out he never had a job since he got 50 rental properties at 19 years-old when his dad died and makes a fortune on the rent. He then told me that waiting for his dad to die was his job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 616

You deserved it 200

Today, I was feeling really stressed so I bought some nice stress relieving lotion. When I got home, I took it out of the bag and accidentally dropped it (not realizing it was made of glass). The bottle shattered into pieces and I even cut my finger on one piece. So much for relieving stress. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 286

You deserved it 4 537

Today, my fiancé pawned off my engagement ring so he could buy himself a PS4. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 654

You deserved it 4 908