Love: Self report

Self report

By SmoothTalker - 16/03/2009 17:40 - United States

Today, I had a meeting with my super-hot TA. When I got to her office, she complimented me for being early, to which I thoughtfully replied, "Oh, I usually come early." She laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 328

You deserved it 33 942

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Same thing different taste

By babbling idiot - 14/08/2015 09:35 - Canada

Today, I approached a hot female security guard and attempted to compliment her new tattoos. Instead of saying, "Nice tats", I ended up saying, "Nice tits". My HR meeting is tomorrow morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 475

You deserved it 9 674

Mean Girls

By 1nfected - 26/08/2009 17:07 - Canada

Today, when I arrived at work, I was greeted by my gorgeous coworker telling me my red shirt looked awesome on me. Before I could compliment her, she added that the color was fitting perfectly with my acne. I heard a couple of giggles around me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 415

You deserved it 3 638

By EmployeeOfTheMonth - 27/06/2009 07:03 - United States

Today, my attractive boss sat me down in the break room to say how much she appreciated how much work I've been doing despite being a temp. She was wearing a skirt, and I couldn't take my eyes off her legs. She then patted me on the leg and said "Good Talk". It wasn't my leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 820

You deserved it 19 224

By fatty - 14/08/2014 03:46 - United States - Madison

Today, I was chatting with the cute new receptionist at the gym. I told her that I would be going there more if she was there. She looked me up and down and said that I should go regardless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 369

You deserved it 15 870

Hopeless

By Dumbdumb - 15/02/2010 14:29 - United States

Today, at work, a really hot guy came up to me and asked, "What are your hours?" Excited, I told him I get off at 4, but might be able to get out sooner. He started laughing and then said, "I meant your store hours." He turned around and walked away, shaking his head and laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 722

You deserved it 33 244

By Anonymous - 01/10/2010 11:48 - United States

Today, as I was leaving the office, I heard my very cute coworker behind me say "Hey gorgeous, where are you off to?" I turned around with a smile and said "About to hit up happy hour." He was on the phone with his wife. I'm calling in sick tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 479

You deserved it 12 217

Wrong target

By footinmouth - 21/01/2009 23:15 - United States

Today, I was hitting on a girl who was getting ready to walk into the same class as me. We were waiting outside the room, so I told her that I'd heard the professor for the course was a total bitch. We walked into the room. I sat down at a desk. She stood behind the podium. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 917

You deserved it 38 836

Thanks Susan

By Noname - 24/02/2009 23:00 - United States

Today, I got up early and really put some extra effort into my appearance to catch the eye of a cute guy at work. I walked in and the woman who sits at the desk beside me looks over and says, "Wow, are you sick? You're not looking too good." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 293

You deserved it 4 929

Suck up

By Anonymous - 22/08/2015 06:58 - United States - Cadillac

Today, I showed up to my new job early, hoping to impress my new boss. When he arrived, he walked by me and muttered, "Fucking tryhard." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 795

You deserved it 3 418

By Anonymous - 17/10/2013 13:43 - United States - Romulus

Today, in calculus, our substitute teacher told me I was smart. Everybody in the class, including my friends, burst out laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 841

You deserved it 4 736

vonstrangle 0

Tuesday 17 March 2009 0:15

"Today someone had a sense of humor and I didn't. FML"

vietiscool 2

Tuesday 17 March 2009 0:05

it's ok. funny joke.

Comments

jayfx 0

Tuesday 17 March 2009 8:28

ahahaha this made me laugh even though its not a FML

shalvius 3

Tuesday 17 March 2009 9:00

i don't get it :S

dishwasha 0

Tuesday 17 March 2009 9:55

#23 won this discussion.

kismaa 0

Tuesday 17 March 2009 11:14

you made her laugh and will be memorable. whats so bad about that?

holynemesis1208 3

Tuesday 17 March 2009 15:06

no extra credit i guess. haha.

bitchplease69_fml 0

Tuesday 17 March 2009 15:46

you could do her. Is she hot?!

NeverBAckDown_fml 0

Tuesday 17 March 2009 17:04

LOL good joke XD

f__kY_urLif__ 0

Tuesday 17 March 2009 19:04

she wants your d for sure

SimpleIdiot 0

Tuesday 17 March 2009 19:07

not an FML

route95 0

Tuesday 17 March 2009 19:44

Meh, not very humiliating. Just a chuckle-inducing moment. heh

Keywords

Miscellaneous Family DIY Cats Work Poopoo peepee Awkward Management Frustration Am I overreacting? Capitalism Coworkers Relatable Transportation Animals ADHD Dogs Dating Love Mental health Health Anxiety Technology Sleep Noise Roommate Clumsy AITA Confused Parents

The Top

Today, on the way home, a guy yelled "Hey, YOU!" from behind me, so I walked faster. He ran up to me, shouting, "I said stop, asshole!" I almost pissed myself in fear, thinking I was being mugged. Turns out I'd left my wallet at the grocery store, and he was just trying to return it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 534

You deserved it 45 203

Today, I went to visit my fiancé's dying grandmother in the hospital with him. She started talking to us about living each day to the fullest. His grandmother points to me and says, "Life is short. That's why you don't waste any time screwing girls who look like that." FML

I agree, your life sucks 77 780

You deserved it 4 168

The Top

Today, I have no close friends, only "people I know and occasionally talk to." I have no idea how I got here, and how to re-socialize back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 658

You deserved it 218

Today, I found out that sorting and deleting old unnecessary emails to free up space meant reliving the most horrific memories I've ever experienced. Worse yet, I have to keep certain old messages in case these things ever come up again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 128

You deserved it 123

Today, I was at a baseball game. I was eating my nachos when all of the sudden I woke up in the hospital, with my dad sitting next to the bed. Apparently, I was hit with a foul ball. He kept the ball for himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 718

You deserved it 3 192

Today, I got a concussion and several staples in my head. As it turns out, watering flowers is much more dangerous than it might sound. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 274

You deserved it 7 659

Today, I found out why I was always picked up last from school. My parents didn't want the other parents to find out I was their kid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 619

You deserved it 2 176

Today, it’s been four months since my cheating ex-girlfriend dumped me for someone else’s dick. She was offered a monthly six figure OnlyFans contract. Since then she’s been living life care-free while I struggle to pick up the pieces. Back to being single and still working my ass off to be broke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 542

You deserved it 132