Sex and Intimacy: Set the scene

Set the scene

By Fire0fisis - 23/05/2012 09:38 - Hong Kong

Today, my boyfriend and I went out on his boat. We got in the water and started to have sex when a fishing boat came by and chummed. There's nothing more romantic than bloody fish guts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 925

You deserved it 11 140

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Same thing different taste

By rindawg - 20/01/2009 03:55 - United States

Today, my boyfriend took me out to a nice seafood dinner where we had some great crab legs. Later tonight we drove down to the beach and started messing around. He started touching me... with his hands still covered in salty crab juice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 107

You deserved it 7 146

By duckwater - 01/03/2010 06:43 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend and I went for a ride in a paddle-boat. He decided it would be fun to paddle near the fountain. The fountain decided it would be fun to shower me, him and all of our things in filthy, stinking duck water. I had to ride the bus home by myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 837

You deserved it 4 133

By fledermausi - 12/06/2012 13:02 - Hungary - Budapest

Today, I came home to my boyfriend emptying his bowels into my aquarium. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 848

You deserved it 3 113

By gimmeasalad - 21/04/2012 06:01 - United States - Walnut Creek

Today, as I was washing my boyfriend's fishbowl, the fish did a Nemo and made an unholy leap down the drain. My immediate impulse was to flip the switch. Our kitchen now smells like mutilated fish and my boyfriend won't speak to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 148

You deserved it 36 922

By fishruinsex - 08/12/2010 08:46

Today, I was messing around in my boyfriend's pants while watching TV. He was totally absorbed in the fishing show that was on. When the guy lost a fish, he got so disappointed that he became completely flaccid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 365

You deserved it 6 001

By Krissy - 25/01/2010 08:36 - United States

Today, I was making love to my boyfriend on the back bumper of my car. After he finished he told me he felt like he was riding a seahorse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 555

You deserved it 4 643

Downhill from here

By forewhatnow - 07/11/2009 08:47 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend took me out to a really romantic dinner. Later, I lost my virginity. The chicken was better than he was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 746

You deserved it 9 859

Sea legs

By have it your way - 29/04/2014 19:13 - United States - Rochester

Today, during a boat trip with my boyfriend's family, I got seasick and went to the side of the boat to puke. A current rocked the boat so badly that I fell overboard, prompting a panicked rescue and my boyfriend's mom muttering that I'm a pathetic attention whore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 145

You deserved it 5 072

Loverman

By dating a manchild - 01/06/2012 23:50 - Denmark - Hellerup

Today, I arranged a romantic dinner for my boyfriend. His favourite meal, fresh flowers, scented candles. Everything went beautifully, at least until he wrapped an arm around me and whispered, "Want some dick?" into my ear. Mood horrifically ruined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 890

You deserved it 7 387

By alltern8ive - 09/11/2009 05:05 - United States

Today, my boyfriend tried to be romantic by dipping me backwards and kissing me. He dropped me on my butt and stepped on my hand while trying to help me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 312

You deserved it 5 111

tylerbro 3

Wednesday 23 May 2012 16:18

Did the boat chum before he did?

Rapide100 6

Wednesday 23 May 2012 16:15

You do know there's nothing wrong with just having sex ON the boat...

Comments

howiehiew 2

Thursday 24 May 2012 8:56

at number 89: I'm pretty sure water can find its way into the ****** and the guy's urethra regardless if they're having sex or not.

gussyman 0

Thursday 24 May 2012 12:45

As he cums, the boat chums

NiqueNique 0

Thursday 24 May 2012 17:04

Wow I guess you never do that again huh

bethanyjk 0

Friday 25 May 2012 3:05

sexy

1710_fml 0

Friday 1 June 2012 19:06

Your sexy lol

Coby1996 0

Friday 25 May 2012 4:00

I'm on a boat, Im on a boat, everybody look at me cause I'm sailing on a boat! (having sex)

ilovemar11 0

Friday 25 May 2012 5:32

Gross! I hope that ended your sex session.

asiancupcake 1

Friday 25 May 2012 6:09

That's just wrong... Sex in water!

1710_fml 0

Tuesday 29 May 2012 3:12

Sex in the water is like the best just saying

abby0428 0

Friday 25 May 2012 12:38

That does sound romantic...why don't you buy a waterbed instead and call it a day?

ohitsdaniella 7

Saturday 26 May 2012 7:24

Bro, keep it sanitary O_o

peniiis 8

Sunday 27 May 2012 8:02

Why would you have sex where fish could be swimming? How unsterile.

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I was upset after my boyfriend and I broke up. My best friend heard and told me she would be right over. Three hours of waiting later, she stumbles in wasted. She had been at the bar, with my ex, making sure he was okay. For me, I just got a list of all the drinks she had that night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 086

You deserved it 2 489

Today, my girlfriend was on top in reverse cowgirl. After she orgasmed, all I heard was, "Oh fuck" and she clenched her butt to try stop, but it was too late, she shot diarrhoea up my stomach, chest and neck. The only reason I didn’t get any in my mouth was because it all got caught in my beard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 079

You deserved it 410

The Top

Today, my email got hacked and sent all my contacts something for Viagra. My husband thinks I really sent it to him on purpose and now won't even talk to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 162

You deserved it 3 290

Today, I was talking with my uncle, when the subject of my abusive mother-in-law came up. He assured me he'd talk to her and straighten things out. Apparently this means posting on her Facebook wall threatening to "pimp-slap a bitch" if she doesn't get her "fat ass out of family business". FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 519

You deserved it 3 771

Today, while working as a swim instructor, I started singing the hokey pokey to get all the kids used to putting their faces in the water. One of the kids was covering his ears. When I asked him why, he said "because you were singing." He's 3. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 389

You deserved it 6 618

Today, my husband was arrested for having sex in public. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 756

You deserved it 4 864

Today, the janitor and I both had to tell a tenant that his upstairs neighbor cannot push gas into his air vent to constipate him, as that's not how gas, the human body, or our ventilation system, work. We told him repeatedly that he needed to see a doctor. About his constipation. He still wasn't sure. FML

I agree, your life sucks 659

You deserved it 92

Today, I went on a date that went well, until the bill came and she quickly shoved it in my direction, then went to the loo. Rude, but I thought nothing of it… until our waiter took pity and told me I’m the fourth guy she’s had this week who'd been made to pay for her. I paid half, then went home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 690

You deserved it 114