Sex, Romantic and Intimacy: Sexy talk

Sexy talk

By hamburger - 06/07/2013 21:21 - United States - Adrian

Today, my husband wanted to try anal for the first time. His attempt to sound romantic was him saying, "Open your buns, the meat is ready." FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 312

You deserved it 8 506

The rhythm of the fight
Discover all the best anecdotes from the month of January, with or without snow, with or without you. More…

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 19/04/2010 20:36 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me he loved me for the first time. He followed it with, "Want to try anal?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 680

You deserved it 9 737

By Picaresque - 26/02/2009 17:57 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try anal sex. When he was done, I turned around to see him holding a strap-on with a smile on his face and said 'Now, do me'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 285 950

You deserved it 68 199

By Anonymous - 23/02/2013 18:27 - Denmark - Copenhagen

Today, after months of a very healthy sex life with my boyfriend, he asked me to let him try anal. I'm dead-set against it, so I tried to let him down easy by jokingly saying that I would, but only if he let me try it on him first. He said, "Sure." Fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 308

You deserved it 48 641

You tried

By Anonymous - 24/08/2021 14:01

Today, my wife finally agreed to try anal. Unfortunately, it was too hot in the apartment so I couldn't focus and I kept going soft. FML

I agree, your life sucks 811

You deserved it 651

Non sequitur

By lisacasabonita - 12/11/2010 16:31 - United States

Today, while at dinner, I told my boyfriend that I wished he liked sushi. He replied, "I wish you liked anal." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 220

You deserved it 42 501

By Anonymous - 29/12/2010 11:25 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me he loved me for the very first time in three years. Apparently, all it took was anal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 682

You deserved it 13 293

The inner light

By Anonymous - 21/09/2022 15:00 - United Kingdom - Aldershot

Today, I asked my husband if we could rekindle some of our old intimacy, get back in touch with each other’s inner selves, that sort of thing. He looked confused, then got a big smile and said, “You mean we can do anal again? Why didn’t you just say so?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 475

You deserved it 620

By fuck no - 22/08/2015 10:18 - India - Kollam

Today, my husband wanted to use bacon grease as lube. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 248

You deserved it 8 029

The language of love

By disgusted - 24/09/2012 19:16 - United Kingdom - Harpenden

Today, my husband asked me to spoon him. He used it as an excuse to start farting on me. Yep, this is my husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 935

You deserved it 6 529

By not impressed - 09/10/2015 18:27 - Canada - Nanaimo

Today, I told my boyfriend that I love him. He replied, dead serious, "That's nice and all, but anal speaks louder than words." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 332

You deserved it 4 608

The_Water_Ninja 9

Sunday 7 July 2013 10:35

sounds charming...

datgamerchick 14

Sunday 7 July 2013 10:35

Sounds like we know what's cooking for dinner!

Comments

amifaiyaz 12

Wednesday 10 July 2013 3:45

That's hot.

asia3pea90 13

Wednesday 10 July 2013 14:54

That's ******* discusting...that's not even cute...

Thorzix 23

Thursday 11 July 2013 3:04

disgusting* but I agree.

scifichic92 8

Thursday 11 July 2013 4:54

That is just hilarious!

kobykai 3

Monday 15 July 2013 20:35

Everybody loves sloppy joes!

stitesy29 18

Wednesday 14 August 2013 6:20

Nice pun!

FlickWaffle 30

Thursday 14 November 2013 8:36

under other circumstances, what he said would have been hilarious!

gameguy118 1

Wednesday 12 February 2014 2:04

I just can't stop laughing! TOO FUNNY!

itsbatmanxoxo 7

Tuesday 17 June 2014 6:38

I was eating Cheerios and almost choked from laughing

weveallbeenthere 30

Thursday 11 September 2014 0:39

lol, did it work. made me laugh for 5 minutes.

kittykat1501 31

Monday 27 July 2015 5:17

That's actually impressive lol

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The Top

Today, I'd always thought my sister was an idiot for having her kids in her teens and early 20s before she was ready. Thing is, she’s now in her early 30s, her kids are grown, and she’s loving life. I had my kids in my 30s. By the time they’re grown, I’ll be old and broken down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 159

You deserved it 402

Today, my boyfriend has spent all morning claiming there’s nothing to do when it’s raining outside. Sex is always an option, but he’s missed all my hints, including stripping naked and kissing him, because he thought I was on my way to get a shower instead of trying to fuck him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 966

You deserved it 577

The Top

Today, a girl in my glass was complaining that her neck hurt. I thought if I forcibly turned her head side-to-side, it would instantly fix it like in the movies. It didn't. She was in so much pain, she couldn't even talk, and had to go to the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 155

You deserved it 2 768

Today, at my local fishing tackle shop, some dumb kids got into a fight and knocked me over into a glass display case of antique fishing hooks. I’m now in hospital, not only from cuts from broken glass, but to have 27 barbed hooks removed from my hands, arms, and face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 553

You deserved it 70

Today, after years in a relationship I realized that my partner does not like the music I listen to, the food I cook, the pictures I take, the way I dress. The only thing she likes is when I take her out to eat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 956

You deserved it 1 393

Today, I thought I was doing a nice thing when I spent hundreds of dollars to get my friend a plane ticket home. She yelled at me when I gave it to her. Turns out, she planned on spending a few more months freeloading off me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 795

You deserved it 3 435

Today, I woke up early for work, put on my uniform, took two buses, and when I got there my boss laughed and reminded me that I was fired yesterday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 842

You deserved it 1 858

Today, my boyfriend admitted than he's been using Febreze instead of showering for the past month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 234

You deserved it 4 885