Sex, Healthy Lifestyle and Intimacy: Sexy time

Sexy time

By Anonymous - 30/07/2009 09:23 - United States

Today, I tried to be sexy and put a condom on with my mouth. Instead, I inhaled it and my boyfriend broke three of my ribs giving me the Heimlich maneuver. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 512

You deserved it 59 433

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Same thing different taste

Choking hazard

By notsexy - 09/05/2009 15:51 - United States

Today, I tried for the first time putting a condom on my boyfriend using my mouth. I freaked out, swallowed, and started choking on the condom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 091

You deserved it 83 406

By eeewww - 21/11/2018 03:13

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend and he ejaculated without warning, shooting straight up my nostril. I accidentally snorted it, started choking, and then coughed it up in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 461

You deserved it 801

By Anonymous - 18/02/2013 19:11 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I was about to make out with my boyfriend, so I quickly swallowed my gum. Moments later, I started choking on the gum, and ended up spitting it out into his face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 092

You deserved it 40 037

Work on your skills

By banana - 26/02/2009 03:01 - United States

Today, I decided to practice putting a condom on with my mouth. Then my roommate walked in on me using my mouth to roll a condom onto a banana. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 928

You deserved it 74 572

My love language is…

By BlueBirdWings - 31/05/2019 02:30

Today, my boyfriend and I were cuddling on the couch. Trying to be suave, he put a Kool-Fruit between his teeth and motioned for me to kiss him so he could put it in my mouth. Just as he was about to do so, I inhaled, swallowing it. He then had to watch me dry-retching as I tried to get it back up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 495

You deserved it 320

Seduction technique

By BlueBirdWings - 06/03/2012 07:20 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend and I were cuddling on the couch. He held a Kool Fruit in his teeth, and motioned for me to kiss him, so he could put it in my mouth. Just as he was about to do this, I inhaled. He then had to watch me dry retching, trying to get it back up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 788

You deserved it 6 803

Come again

By Anonymous - 09/07/2009 07:35

Today, I gave my boyfriend a spontaneous blowjob while we were watching TV. After he finished, I tried to pull a sexy move I'd seen in a porno by zipping his pants back up with my teeth. His foreskin got caught in the zipper and we spent the next few hours in the emergency room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 994

You deserved it 62 530

By Rob - 06/06/2012 16:02 - United States - Neoga

Today, after having sex with my girlfriend, I jokingly held the condom above my mouth. Somehow, the condom busted, and everything went over my face. Worse still, we're now wondering just how safe this condom really was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 750

You deserved it 42 635

By Anonymous - 27/02/2016 07:27 - Japan - Ageo

Today, I was getting intimate with my husband, and I tried to do a swift position-change like they do in the movies. I wound up flipping off the bed and busting my nose open on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 790

You deserved it 5 496

The Taste of Love

By Anonymous - 05/04/2020 14:00

Today, I was watching a romantic comedy at my boyfriend's house. During the make out scene, I decided to go in for a kiss. He apparently decided to belch at the same time. I could taste it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 493

You deserved it 318

thebigslim 13

Thursday 30 July 2009 16:22

Was it at least a flavored condom?

sportmaster525 0

Thursday 30 July 2009 16:27

i don't think thats what he meant when he said "now open up and swallow"...

Comments

irishdubr 0

Thursday 30 July 2009 16:13

Ur a moron. U don't put rubbers in ur mouth unless u want that shit to break. Good luck with ur pregnancy

ndawgg 6

Thursday 30 July 2009 17:16

Something tells me she didn't have sex.

Drakon_fml 7

Thursday 30 July 2009 17:39

Thread over. You win.

Trollinggx3 0

Thursday 30 July 2009 18:59

YDI for being so stupid for putting rubber in your mouth. Dumbass.

boysxrulex09 0

Thursday 30 July 2009 20:33

you deserve it for trying to suck dick. this is why girls suck. ugh

FoundManyLemons 0

Friday 31 July 2009 10:03

Win.

DW_fml 0

Friday 31 July 2009 20:21

damn I came in to say what #1 said for me.

youngboss_fml 2

Friday 14 August 2009 21:23

youre stupid and u must be so borin in bed

G_ford11 0

Monday 14 June 2010 4:46

retarded.... why would you do that?

510killa 0

Saturday 2 October 2010 10:41

maybe he wasnt doing cpr, maybe he was just doing u from behind haha

SadinSherman 16

Tuesday 26 October 2010 20:46

Am I the only one that thought OP was a man?

bishoprsv2 0

Thursday 30 July 2009 16:14

ROFL YOU DESERVED IT!

thebigslim 13

Thursday 30 July 2009 16:22

Was it at least a flavored condom?

Jemm_fml 29

Thursday 30 July 2009 16:24

Why have I read this FML before? I may have moderated it. hmm. Anyways it's hilarious but ouch. FYL indeed.

dancin303 0

Saturday 1 August 2009 0:24

there was one really similar to it a while ago

khatuba 0

Thursday 30 July 2009 16:25

hahahahahhaha

Dubble_fml 0

Thursday 30 July 2009 16:26

FAVORITED !!!

yaktazuki 0

Thursday 30 July 2009 16:27

Sucks

Jemm_fml 29

Thursday 30 July 2009 16:30

I knew it!

bubblemari 2

Thursday 30 July 2009 17:13

lol at least u found out! :D

sportmaster525 0

Thursday 30 July 2009 16:27

i don't think thats what he meant when he said "now open up and swallow"...

fina444 10

Saturday 30 July 2011 6:41

lol

alex_vik 0

Thursday 30 July 2009 16:28

Wow, this is at least the second time someone on here has done that. Oh, and how is putting a condom on with your mouth sexy?

yxeshctib 2

Sunday 23 May 2010 1:57

wow, FAIL!!! plus just get on the pill and you won't have to worry about condoms. plus guys prefer to go comando when it comes to protection! and it's kinda hotter if the guy doesn't wear one!