Sex, Wanker and Intimacy: She's electric

She's electric

By nnniii - 16/11/2015 04:55 - United States - Seattle

Today, I tried to give my first hand-job while wearing fuzzy socks in a carpeted room. I reached out to touch his dick and shocked him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 489

You deserved it 5 317

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Same thing different taste

By valerie - 28/05/2011 01:04 - United States

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a handjob for the first time. It took ages for him to get excited, and in the end the only thing that blew up was him, saying, "Oh my god, just stop it already." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 045

You deserved it 18 790

Nasty

By Anonymous - 30/08/2011 11:24 - Australia

Today, I got my first hand job. I started bleeding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 526

You deserved it 5 891

Frustrated wank

By Anonymous - 05/10/2023 19:00

Today, I gave my boyfriend a handjob for the first time. Apparently, I was so bad at it that he eventually just slapped my hand away and angrily said he'd do it himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 564

You deserved it 305

By ilovesocks - 20/01/2010 06:17 - United States

Today, I was hooking up with a guy I just met. Things were getting hot and heavy and he asked me if I had a condom. I said no, and to which he replied "that's okay, we can just use a sock" and pulled his sock off of his left foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 955

You deserved it 6 454

By pleasedie - 07/05/2015 18:00 - United States - Fort Lauderdale

Today, I took a shower with my boyfriend. I tried to be adventurous and went to give him a blowjob, only to end up slipping and head-butting him in the balls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 039

You deserved it 6 802

The moment when…

By wastedlove - 23/06/2009 15:14 - United States

Today, I had sex with this guy who I like very much. As he went to leave, I decided to give him one last thrill. I reached down his pants and started to rub and stroke him. He abruptly pulled my hand out. When I asked why, he pointed behind me. My mom had watched the whole thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 108

You deserved it 74 047

By kinkicali - 20/11/2012 08:43 - United States - Maple Valley

Today, trying to be kinky while giving my boyfriend a blow job, I whipped him with my ponytail. He was thrilled, until I accidentally head-butted his dick. He curled up into a ball and wouldn't let me touch him again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 498

You deserved it 36 513

Love is love

By SpiderMan - 12/03/2009 00:23 - United States

Today, I was masturbating into a sock when I felt something on my cock. I quickly ripped the sock off and threw it on the floor… and watched a huge spider come scurrying out. I just inadvertently fucked a spider. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 471

You deserved it 106 814

By anonymous - 02/11/2015 03:13 - United States - San Francisco

Today, was the first time giving head to my boyfriend. He couldn't finish, so I tried a handjob. In the end he kind of pushed my hand away so he could finish himself off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 314

You deserved it 7 527

By sucks at sucking - 15/12/2012 00:27 - United Kingdom - Bournemouth

Today, I went down on my boyfriend for the first time. I went slowly to build up the excitement, and I thought it was working really well, until he sighed, "For fuck's sake, it's a dick, not a shotgun." and told me to stop embarrassing him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 886

You deserved it 9 239

TweetAnne 13

Monday 16 November 2015 16:48

What an electrifying moment.

pd2902 22

Monday 16 November 2015 16:50

Talk about there being sparks in a relationship

Comments

TheClassicMan848 11

Monday 16 November 2015 17:05

More like **** his life!

PrideOfTheFallen 19

Monday 16 November 2015 17:06

Fuzzy socks? How old are you..

Rawrshi 25

Monday 16 November 2015 17:08

Fuzzy socks don't discriminate.

steam_engenius 21

Monday 16 November 2015 17:12

Hey, it's fuzzy sock season, man.

TheCookieComet 23

Monday 16 November 2015 20:30

Age is only a number. >.>

Polynomial 28

Monday 16 November 2015 23:19

My 32 year old fiance loves her fuzzy purple socks, with little rubber bumps for traction.

ThrottleJockey 35

Tuesday 17 November 2015 5:11

Little rubber bumps? We're still taking about socks here, right?

chuchusheep 19

Wednesday 18 November 2015 1:42

does it really matter how old they are???

JHamm2121 15

Wednesday 18 November 2015 4:23

#18 No, it's not. It is never fuzzy sock season if you're older than 8.

Hiimhaileypotter 52

Monday 23 November 2015 14:51

Um, STFU #85. Fuzzy socks are amazing. :P

Subcontinent 14

Tuesday 2 February 2016 7:31

I agree that fuzzy socks are amazing and all but I like to think I'd take them off for any kind of sexual activity

beeferjay 34

Monday 16 November 2015 17:10

he wouldn't mind a shock, as long as you kissed it to make it all better

lexred 30

Monday 16 November 2015 17:14

"Sparks will fly They ignite our bones(boner)" -Kygo.

CCRider 17

Monday 16 November 2015 17:21

Good thing you weren't going to give him a *******...imagine how much worse it would have been if you had braces.

cakefete2 30

Monday 16 November 2015 17:27

You light up his life, OP. Don't let it kill your buzz.

GORILLAKING7 7

Monday 16 November 2015 17:30

I wonder if it was painful.

chuchusheep 19

Wednesday 18 November 2015 1:44

hahahaha

fluffydress 2

Monday 16 November 2015 17:56

Socks are no friend of sex. Ever. Just take them off.

dutchy86 20

Monday 16 November 2015 18:11

did he like it!?

shortcake18 15

Monday 16 November 2015 18:20

I bet he was ecstatic

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I let my 4-month old puppy sleep with me. She’s been constipated for a while. I woke up to a foul odor in the middle of the night. Turns out she took a massive dump on the bed right by my head. I had to completely strip my bed to go back to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 788

You deserved it 473

Today, my wife upset herself by ringing my best friend to see if he would lie about where I was, and he did. Now my wife thinks I get my friends to lie for me to cover up my cheating. I’ve never once cheated. This feels like the next level up from cheating on her in her dreams, because she's crazy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 362

You deserved it 118

The Top

Today, my son was talking about his upcoming wedding like it’s a disease he got diagnosed with, like, “Yeah, I got this wedding thing” or “Man, it’s gonna be hard to get through” and my favourite “A pain in the ass, I wouldn’t with this shit on anyone.” I feel so sorry for his fiancé, poor girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 401

You deserved it 123

Today, at a party, my friend introduced me to her roommate by spouting the usual crap, like, “You guys just had to meet, you have so much in common.” After 20 minutes of very painful, awkward conversation, it was clear the only thing we had in common was being the only two black people in the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 549

You deserved it 95

Today, my marriage is one week away. Despite all the challenges we faced during COVID, we powered through everything. Today is also the day my work decided to tell me they're letting me go. I now have to either go on my improvised honeymoon or job hunt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 626

You deserved it 142

Today, after finally giving up on the search for my lost dog, I realized that my neighbors had found her and are convinced that she was a stray. They won't give her up and are now mad at me for trying to take my own dog back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75 247

You deserved it 3 586

Today, my husband was getting undressed. I told my 2-year-old daughter not to go in our bedroom because he was undressing in there. I turned my back and she instantly ran off to my bedroom. I heard her shout "I can see daddy's tail!" Now, she points to everyone's crotch and shouts "TAIL!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 946

You deserved it 7 099

Today, I found out I have an incredible fear of butterflies. I discovered this after my mother took me to a butterfly sanctuary for some "mother-daughter bonding time." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 607

You deserved it 3 758