Love, Sex and Painful: Sick burn

Sick burn

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my boyfriend came home while I was making a snack in the kitchen. We started making out and he lifted me up and sat my ass on the hot stove. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 464

You deserved it 8 188

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Same thing different taste

By burned - 24/05/2009 13:44 - United States

Today, my boyfriend was cooking me dinner. He walked away and I decided to help by giving the pan of veggies a sautee flip. My boyfriend failed to mention that he had just pulled that pan out of a 500 degree oven. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 115

You deserved it 64 148

By alltern8ive - 09/11/2009 05:05 - United States

Today, my boyfriend tried to be romantic by dipping me backwards and kissing me. He dropped me on my butt and stepped on my hand while trying to help me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 318

You deserved it 5 112

By Anonymous - 03/04/2011 15:14 - United States

Today, while bending over to get the brownies I was making out of the oven, my husband slapped my butt. I fell into the oven. FML

I agree, your life sucks 80 745

You deserved it 6 426

By anonymous - 18/12/2010 09:11 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were playing around. He threw me over his shoulder and turned around, smacking my face against the wall. Then he smacked my head into the fridge after turning round to see "what that loud bang" was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 429

You deserved it 4 475

Cooked

By Un1ucky - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my boyfriend wanted to make breakfast. Since I usually do all the cooking, I said that was fine. Four hours later, my boyfriend and I were sitting on the sidewalk across the street as the firemen sprayed down the burnt remains of our kitchen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 296

You deserved it 7 531

Fire hazard

By Anonymous - 26/09/2020 17:11

Today, my boyfriend thought it was OK for both of us to leave the house with the oven on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 973

You deserved it 249

Gordon Ramsey called, you're an idiot sandwich

By Anonymous - 30/04/2020 23:00

Today, I tried to make breakfast. I had everything cooking on the stove when I reached to turn on the faucet, only to find out that the head of the faucet was up the sleeve of my robe. After drying off, I went to serve my boyfriend his plate, but when I returned, the stove had caught fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 431

You deserved it 559

By MulticoloredSlug - 13/10/2016 10:57 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting heated. We were having a lot of fun until I decided I wanted to be on top. He instantly got soft. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 435

You deserved it 1 418

By S. Bauer - 02/11/2011 13:50 - Portugal

Today, I yelled at my boyfriend for smoking in the house, because I didn't want the house to smell like smoke. While doing so, I knocked over a candle and lit the couch on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 552

You deserved it 14 915

By Firequeen - 21/11/2016 21:44

Today I visited my boyfriend's house for Thanksgiving. The fast food from the drive made me really need to poop, so I did my business and flipped on the air vent. Turns out the vent sparked a hot spot in the attic and caused a fire. I literally set my boyfriend's house on fire with my shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 415

You deserved it 1 034

elhefeweizen 0

Monday 31 May 2010 9:05

Hahaha he lit that ass on fire! Bravo

Zonadow 0

Monday 31 May 2010 9:09

Oh baby yes, move your tongue like--OH DEAR GOD MY ASS AAAUUGGGHHHHHH

Comments

Moo_Horse 0

Sunday 24 October 2010 1:44

i guess thing were getting pretty HOT lol get it like hot like a stove and it burns. forget you guys mom likes my jokes

hamroun12 0

Wednesday 17 November 2010 13:55

Thats what i call ring burn.

NancyDeebensDPDS 0

Wednesday 15 December 2010 1:56

lol this is a counter sight from that other FML

woody24 0

Monday 7 March 2011 2:57

this is a copy of a viral video.

softballrocks14 0

Thursday 31 March 2011 3:17

owie!

ThisRandomChild 0

Saturday 30 July 2011 10:20

He can repay you by rubbing the much-needed aloe on your ass...

Hypercrush80s 3

Wednesday 28 September 2011 1:24

Gives new meaning to the saying " hot piece of ass".

needsmoresleep 0

Wednesday 19 October 2011 20:06

that is HOT(;

xXT9Xx 0

Friday 21 October 2011 17:07

He was heating up that pussy for a snack ;D

LiquidPony 0

Sunday 30 October 2011 6:09

Clearly the point he's trying to get across is that he likes his bun's toasted

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The Top

Today, at sparring, I got paired up with a girl, who said, "Don't go easy on me because I'm a girl!" Thirty seconds into the match, she was on the floor whimpering and crying. Now everyone is whispering and glaring at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 399

You deserved it 134

Today, I bought a new pack of "feminine wipes" on my way over to my boyfriend's house after a long day of work. He saw them in my purse and sweetly told me I shouldn't be so self conscious. Later on, when he was going down on me, he said, "I take back what I said earlier." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 487

You deserved it 9 169

The Top

Today, after discussing having our son's hair styled nicely for school, my ex returned him with his head shaved. I didn't realise bald was in style for 4-year-olds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 953

You deserved it 994

Today, I was riding my motorcycle on the highway and wearing all of my gear - boots, gloves, jacket, and full-face helmet. Somehow a bee found the only spot not covered on my body and stung my neck. I'm allergic to bees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 648

You deserved it 2 999

Today, it's my birthday and I received a signed vintage Beatles' album from my wife. Awesome right? It's the same album some jerk way over-bidded me for on eBay. That jerk was my wife, using my credit card. FML

I agree, your life sucks 530

You deserved it 62

Today, I caught myself staring at my grandmother's cleavage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 959

You deserved it 50 259

Today, my teacher read my story about a haunted house for a class assignment. She liked it very much and turned it in to the office to be sent into a state writing competition. An hour later, I was called to the office where the guidance counselor called my work "disturbing" and said I "need help". FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 298

You deserved it 2 931

Today, my ex-boyfriend, who broke up with me the day before yesterday, got a job at my workplace. He shows up dressed his best clothes, clean-shaven, and with perfume. For the 10 months we dated, I only saw him in baggy tops, sweatpants, a weird beard, and the smell of sweat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 068

You deserved it 245