F that. I'd go get a microphone and speaker and turn up the damn volume. I'd also buy a portable office drum set to bang on during my breaks and declare that it's a medicinal therapeutic requirement from your therapist to keep you from becoming homicidal. I'd also leave passive aggressive notes in all around the outside of my cubicle - like "Are you walking LOUDLY? Stop." "Can we hear your hair move while you walk? Please use more gel. And bathe...you stink."

Why is it a FML story? If I was there, I'll taint the carrots with harmless lemon juice and tell you are chewing too loud.

I'd have asked around to see who left it, then gone up to them to discuss why they felt it was appropriate to leave a passive aggressive note on your desk. Failing finding them I'd report the note to HR, you don't let shit like that fly. You can't let people think it's okay to just casually bully you.

As someone who completely despises hearing other people chomp on their food like a one-toothed senile camel: you deserve it. The sound of people creating their own sound track of disgustingness is just... horrible. Like, do you know how to cvhew with your mouth closed? My dog is better at that than most humans, it seems. You don't have to smack your lips, or keep your mouth open like an ape showing off to its friends. Its gross that people are so self absorbed that they just flash their cud and saliva to everyone. Moral of the story: be considerate and keep your mouth closed, like the civilized human being you're supposed to be. Also, who eats plain celery? Weird...

Or you could chew with you your mouth closed and not make so much noise. ydi