Intimacy: Sounds nice

Sounds nice

By sugarbeet - 04/12/2011 01:39 - United States

Today, I was at my job as a bartender where I had to listen to a 40-something man with no legs drunkenly explain just how much he loves nipples. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 218

You deserved it 3 954

Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By anon. - 17/11/2015 18:34 - United Kingdom - London

Today, while working at the bar, I accidentally spilled a beer on my chest. Several drunk men whistled and seemed to enjoy what they saw so much that they bought even more drinks and started coming onto me. My boss asked if I could do it again on my next shift. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 824

You deserved it 2 782

By oliverP123 - 22/07/2011 04:11 - United States

Today, I walked in on my mom and her friends comparing the differences in their nipples. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 450

You deserved it 4 233

By Erik Aleckson - 05/05/2019 02:00

Today, at my hotel job, I had to help a drunk naked guy back into his room. Earlier today, a fat old guy wearing only briefs came down to the lobby drunk as hell. I used to like my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 870

You deserved it 136

By Anonymous - 04/05/2014 23:28 - United States - Madison

Today, I was at the bar. A man started to hit on me. He claims to have a fetish for pregnant women. I'm not pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 774

You deserved it 6 017

By lalala_hahaha - 23/09/2010 23:18 - France

Today, I had some girlfriends over, while my parents were having a party at our house. My drunken dad decided to come down to the basement and show us all his third nipple. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 942

You deserved it 3 074

Hard task

By grossedout - 08/09/2011 06:34 - Reserved

Today, at work, I met a new client for the first time. Apparently he thought it would be a good idea to get drunk beforehand and spend the whole appointment telling me about his 9-inch "drill bit." I have to try and find this guy a job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 291

You deserved it 2 576

Make it stop

By firstandlastjob - 13/06/2020 14:11

Today, at work I had to listen to a group of old men talk about double penetration. I work at a coffee shop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 863

You deserved it 213

By Anonymous - 30/12/2010 21:37 - United Kingdom

Today, while putting a drip in the back of an elderly patient's hand, he commented that he didn't realise doctors had pierced nipples, but not to worry because he's only in the hospital "for the b*tches". FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 512

You deserved it 5 862

Creepypasta

By Anonymous - 09/03/2013 06:06 - United States

Today, while I was working at Starbucks, a man came in and placed his order. I made his drink, topped it with whipped cream, and put the lid on. Some cream was seeping out of the top. He looked at me and said, "Good… you left a nipple." and slowly licked it off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 687

You deserved it 3 678

Alpha male behavior

By Hotdamnthisismyjam - 16/06/2009 00:32 - Canada

Today, I went to the bar with some friends. When we walked in, we picked a table at random in the same area as a bunch of older men. The oldest, fattest, ugliest man at the table looked me over then stared at my chest. He then started to motorboat the air in the direction of my boobs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 256

You deserved it 6 638

MsSoulReaper 27

Sunday 4 December 2011 9:17

Just go with it, poor man has no legs and he's drinking his sorrows away :/

sskarma23 9

Sunday 4 December 2011 9:18

Hey it's the fisherman dude from family guy!

Comments

nolife1200 0

Sunday 4 December 2011 9:24

nipples

fatalkiss 0

Sunday 4 December 2011 17:30

Chris, that's a terrible word..."nipples".

StoryOfTheYear 14

Sunday 4 December 2011 9:25

I honestly see no problem here unless you dislike nipples.

Kesha_Mei_Ash 0

Sunday 4 December 2011 9:26

Make him a buttery one. He'll love that.

rttr 18

Sunday 4 December 2011 9:27

That is just WIERD, fyl

StoryOfTheYear 14

Sunday 4 December 2011 9:32

I believe you spelled wired wrong. That's just weird.

Vball6 19

Sunday 4 December 2011 10:16

21- I believe you just spelled weird wrong. That's just weird.

StoryOfTheYear 14

Sunday 4 December 2011 10:19

It's almost... as if... I actually had meant to say wired... Hmm..........

Vball6 19

Sunday 4 December 2011 10:30

Oh...-.-'

gpaine 0

Sunday 4 December 2011 9:31

Me father was a tree!

UrCapsLockOn 12

Sunday 4 December 2011 10:41

we speak no Americanooo :D

lajaynay 15

Sunday 4 December 2011 9:33

Well... Guys generally DO love nipples.

UrCapsLockOn 12

Sunday 4 December 2011 10:43

i love ASSes more ..... *runs back under he's shell*

ninjaniki 0

Sunday 4 December 2011 9:34

I think he was hinting at something ;D

fatalwish 6

Sunday 4 December 2011 9:37

Could have been a 50 something woman

spuzak 0

Sunday 4 December 2011 9:45

I'm sorry but that us hilarious!

flockz 19

Sunday 4 December 2011 9:48

don't let him escape!! he sounds like The Nippler, the world's most dastardly villain.

Keywords

Awkward Embarrassing Miscellaneous Sleep Work Dating Love Am I overreacting? Annoying Parents Health Mental health Furniture Kids Gross Friends Fight Public freakouts Drugs Neighbours Cops Medication Relatable Dogs Animals Teenagers Gamers Ironic Video games Job interview

The Top

Today, I got a call from my boyfriend. He was at the police station for breaking into a model home to hook up with the girl he's been cheating on me with for the past four months. I was his one phone call. He was expecting me to bail him out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 108

You deserved it 3 775

Today, my best friend and I were playing Call of Duty when he said he had to go to the bathroom. Curious, I checked his phone. A text message read, "Tell your friend you're going to the bathroom and come eat. Pizza is here" from his dad. Apparently, I'm not good enough to feed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 060

You deserved it 8 155

The Top

Today, I got my braces checked by another orthodontist since I've had them for years and my teeth never got the way they should be. After 8 years and 27 x-ray exams, my orthodontist didn't do much except loosen the root of the tooth to the point where I can move it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 941

You deserved it 189

Today, most people don’t realize how relaxing it is to poop on an indoor toilet. As in, being able to do your business in peace without having to keep mosquitoes from landing on your private parts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 781

You deserved it 116

Today, I opened the door to a pizza delivery guy. I hadn't order any, but I thought maybe my roommate had. As he handed me the box, I said, "Thanks, you too" when he told me to enjoy my meal. He stopped, looked confused, and said, "Wait, what?" before leaving. I then realized my roommate was out of town and I’d just taken someone else’s pizza. FML

I agree, your life sucks 115

You deserved it 352

Today, my dick of a neighbor tried to file a noise complaint against me, all because I have the flu and am sneezing a lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 385

You deserved it 1 624

Today, it's both my 28th birthday and New Year’s Eve. Even though it's a Friday, tonight’s big plans are frozen pizza and going to bed early. I live with my parents and even they are going out tonight, leaving me to watch the dog. Happy Birthday, loser! FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 003

You deserved it 279

Today, I smashed my finger with a hammer. A finger on the hand holding the hammer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 699

You deserved it 309

Sounds nice

Same thing different taste

Hard task

Make it stop

Creepypasta

Alpha male behavior

Top comments

Comments