Sex, Frustration and Intimacy: Stimulating - FML

Stimulating

By Wow - 13/03/2012 04:38 - United States

Spicy

Today, I realized that I am so sexually deprived that I get aroused when plugging my headphones into my computer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 596

You deserved it 8 898

Valentine's Day: Love and Maladresse
Discover romantic anecdotes with a touch of awkwardness - because nothing expresses love better than a little discomfort! More…

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Same thing different taste

Dirty mind

By Anonymous - 11/12/2015 20:24 - United States - Porter

Spicy

Today, I'm so sexually deprived that I got a raging hard-on from seeing and hearing my coworker yawn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 620

You deserved it 4 707

By Anonycock - 06/01/2016 17:15 - Qatar - Doha

Today, I'm so sexually deprived, I got a boner from undressing a mannequin at work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 835

You deserved it 3 909

Sneaky hand shandy

By Skylan - 13/11/2008 10:31 - France

Spicy

Today, I took advantage of the fact that my wife was sleeping to watch porn on my computer. I put headphones on so that she wouldn't hear, but It wasn't until she came out of the bedroom that I realised I hadn't plugged them in properly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 798

You deserved it 58 950

Erection for Protection

By zingle af - 26/07/2017 20:00

Spicy

Today, I realized how sex-deprived I am when the thought of owning condoms gave me a rock-solid erection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 564

You deserved it 636

By Bluetooth Connection - 01/10/2018 03:00

Spicy

Today, I sat in the bathroom on my phone to rub one out after a long day. Wanting to hear the action, I upped the volume until the sound was low enough for me to hear, despite the volume being near max. I continued until I realized my phone was connected to my headset outside near my family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 547

You deserved it 4 492

By Danny - 28/05/2012 18:02 - Ireland - Dublin

Spicy

Today, I realised that my body has its own masturbation cycle; while I was out shopping, I heard the intro music to my room-mate's favourite video game, and popped an uncontrollable boner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 298

You deserved it 5 777

By jakeeey - 18/01/2013 01:16 - Canada - Brampton

Spicy

Today, I realized that I'm so depressed that I can't even watch porn without getting upset about how I can't get laid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 192

You deserved it 10 936

By PizzaNIF - 13/07/2016 17:58 - United States - Henderson

Spicy

Today, I was woken up by the sound of my dad blasting porn on his computer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 843

You deserved it 1 334

Oddly specific

By RowerBud - 02/07/2021 02:01 - United States - Cleveland

Spicy

Today, I realized I masturbate too much when I got turned on by the smell of my shampoo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 332

You deserved it 936

By i fuckin love habaneros - 22/07/2016 19:19 - United States - Charlottesville

Spicy

Today, I'm so deprived of female attention that I got a hard-on when a nurse told me I have beautiful veins. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 847

You deserved it 2 400

Next

Top comments

kings1fan 6

Tuesday 13 March 2012 12:03

Imagine how she feels when she fills her gas tank up!

rattusrattus 18

Tuesday 13 March 2012 11:56

Tip from your Auntie* Rattie - buy a vibrator and some lube. You can get them online if you feel embarressed going into a shop. *Auntie being metaphorical in this case, not indicative of actual relation.

Comments

ZippandButtons 7

Wednesday 14 March 2012 20:56

I'd really like to know what a car is doing in the kitchen. Using the engine to make smoothies, maybe?

ronski 41

Wednesday 14 March 2012 23:40

New take on cyber sex

Rasetsu 10

Thursday 15 March 2012 7:08

That is insanely weird. Ever heard of a vibrator?

irishboy352 0

Friday 16 March 2012 21:00

Dafuq is dis?

BlAzEtHiS 0

Saturday 17 March 2012 4:12

You are just a pathetic excuse of a human being that plugging in your headphones gets you aroused. You wouldn't know where to begin with an actual partner. Also, I'm a virgin.

savagee133 13

Monday 19 March 2012 7:03

Doesn't everyone get turned on by this? oh guess not..

dremano1 1

Monday 19 March 2012 11:19

i live in texas sup girl

worldclassrager 39

Tuesday 18 October 2016 23:40

If you are looking to get laid try tinder

TheMystery13 13

Friday 6 April 2012 23:10

Drop me a line, we'll take care of this little problem.

adsaghffgh 4

Saturday 26 October 2013 23:03

Oh my god what did I just read!!?

worldclassrager 39

Tuesday 18 October 2016 23:43

Masturbation is healthy thing to do...and you have many options being female...

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Keywords

Toxic Family Miscellaneous Food Love Health Valentine's Day Gross Homeowners Home improvement Babysitter Kids Awkward Drugs Music Crush Lonely Relatable Wanker Intimacy Animals Cats Coworkers Work Embarrassing Sleep Transportation Airplanes Mental health Cute

The Top

Today, I was laying in the grass, staring into the blue sky and watching planes go by. My boyfriend snuggles down next to me; it was a sweet moment. He then told me all about how the planes above are leaving "chem trails", and that he believes the CIA is out to mind-control us all. Right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 330

You deserved it 5 853

Today, I went out drinking with a friend I've been crushing on for a while now. After we'd been talking and had a few, she said, "Man, I haven't gotten laid in months! Do you mind?" Surprised but hopeful, I nodded. She leaned over, hugged me, and went to hit on a guy by the bar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 879

You deserved it 5 546

The Top

Today, I ran over a cat while driving home. I tried to keep myself together but couldn't help but cry because of how bad I felt. Through my tears I failed to notice a porcupine in the middle of the road. Yep, I hit him too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 566

You deserved it 19 479

Today, I was playing twister with my girlfriend at the school carnival. I jokingly squeeze her butt, only to find her mom standing right above us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 929

You deserved it 34 065

Today, I went to the doctor to inquire about the nasty rash on my arms. He concluded that I'm allergic to beer and the rash will go away if I stay away from it. I'm a bartender. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 600

You deserved it 4 093

Today, while at the store, I realized how socially inept I am when I said "excuse me" to a shopping cart because it was in my way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 513

You deserved it 4 848

Today, I decided to tell this girl I like how I feel. I surprised her with roses and chocolates for her birthday and poured my heart out to her, promising to treat her like a queen. She snorted and told me that eventually I’ll “leave her” like all the others, and to “tell that cockamamie bullshit to someone else.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 452

You deserved it 183

Today, my sisters and I pitched together nearly $500 to send my mom to the spa for Mother's Day. We put the printed sheet with her info into a little box with our card on top. When she opened it, she freaked out and started hugging my dad. Turns out he switched the cards and took all the credit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 200

You deserved it 4 122