The 'get it yourself thing' has puzzled me for a while. I don't know many engaged people, but the media and friends of friends etc are always talking about ring shopping as a couple. Whatever happened to the one who was proposing getting the ring BEFORE they proposed?

This is obviously not the case with the OP, and I'm sure there are men that propose before they have a ring, but before I got engaged I wandered through a few jewelry stores with my boyfriend and pointed out a few rings I liked. I've had other friends do this too, either online or in the store. If a woman doesn't wear a lot of jewelry, it could be hard to pick out what she actually wants in a ring, so once you start talking about getting married (you aren't officially engaged, but as a couple you know it's coming eventually), it seems like it makes sense to look at jewelry together, just to be sure everyone's on the same page. Obviously the ring doesn't really matter, but if you're going to wear your engagement ring forever (that's what everyone I know does), you want to at least like the color of the band (white or yellow gold, etc) and the cut of the diamonds (I don't like pear shaped diamonds, but some people love them), because you are going to see it everyday.

Really? 'Cause I'm pretty sure the entire *idea* of buying an engagement ring is kinda sexist and outmoded. Do you buy *me* a ring? No? But I'm supposed to spend a large chunk of my change on you, to show you that I "love" you. Kids, money != love. Money != commitment. Money should be spent on things that are important, and useful things that make you happy; and the spending of money should always be a choice. No one should be forced to spend piles of money on something that, quite frankly, means absolutely nothing. Think of it like this -- I could spend a hundred grand on an engagement ring for you. Shows my love, right? But what if I cheat on you the entire relationship? Well, I gave you that ring, so obviously I love you and am committed to you. People make my head hurt.

I told my husband I didn't want an engagement ring and I meant it. He surprised me with platinum and diamonds. I won't lie, it's a nice ring. I never look at it and think "what a great symbol of our love". My husband is the symbol of my love. If I should ever lose him, all the diamonds in the world wouldn't comfort me. It's great you have a bf willing to spend a fortune on you. Too bad he doesn't have a gf willing to give up a fortune for him.

You're a smug, patronising cow, you know that? I'm not engaged, and right now my boyfriend doesn't spend lots of money on me, because he doesn't have a job. When he did, we spent the money on great occasions for the two of us. Now I spend money on him, because I got a bursary. It's called tit for ******* tat. Also, you're being incredibly short-sighted. I've said this already on the thread, so apologies, but my dad was broke when he proposed to my mum. He was a keen geologist, and for their engagement, he gave he a large and beautiful quartz he found. It was beautiful, rare, and free. Now they've been married for 25 years, and for most of that time he's earned 80% of the household wealth and been a perfect husband and father, even supporting my mum in a job she loves which doesn't pay well, when she could've been forced into a drone-job. I doubt you will ever be smart enough to do better than that.

Actually I did spend a fortune on him when he was unemployed for a year. I supported both of us and understood that he didn't have the money to help out with any of the finances. Now that he does have some money I would like to have a ring that costs more than $200. I'm not spending a lot of money on the wedding and my mom is giving him a 1 carat diamond so he only has to buy the actual wedding band. So I really don't think I'm asking for a whole lot.

Don't so much care what you did -- that you expect it at all is kinda disgusting to me; especially that you expect it to meet some minimum level of expense. It's a symbol of love, not some damned requirement of it!