Miscellaneous: Take the W - FML

Take the W

By FML - 18/01/2012 19:41 - United States

Today, I blushed when a fortune cookie said, "You have the attitude of a winner." My self esteem is that low. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 763

You deserved it 4 778

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Same thing different taste

Doggy dog world

By Whatever - 24/09/2021 08:00

Today, my self-esteem has gotten so low that when I was out walking my boss's dog and someone called out, "Beautiful!" I assumed they were talking about the dog. They had to clarify they were speaking about me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 939

You deserved it 169

By Jill - 25/02/2010 01:26 - France

Today, a friend of mine commented that I "have a lot of confidence for a fat girl". Ummm... thanks? FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 662

You deserved it 4 503

It's the thought that counts

By no good deed - 23/07/2020 20:02

Today, I was feeling pretty down due to a recent back injury, so I thought I’d do something nice to help lift my spirits. I bought some cookies for my coworkers, who ended up not wanting any, and one of them decided to ask what was wrong with my face. Oh, right, my acne rosacea is flaring too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 489

You deserved it 262

Bad omen

By pupitre - 18/10/2011 00:16 - Canada

Today, I was at a Chinese restaurant with my boyfriend and his family. After the meal, we all decided to open our fortune cookies and read them out loud. On mine, it said "You will change your mind many times before settling down." I didn't realize what it meant until after I'd read it to them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 494

You deserved it 4 954

By Anonymous - 07/08/2012 20:13 - Canada - Pierrefonds

Today, I was at a Chinese buffet, and I got a fortune cookie. I opened it, and it said, "The love of your life is sitting across from you". The only thing across from me was an empty chair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 633

You deserved it 3 531

By ugly duckling - 06/08/2015 19:18 - United States - Reston

Today, feeling very self-conscious about my looks, I told my mom I felt ugly and wished I could be as beautiful as her. She only said, "Yeah, I'm pretty, I wonder what happened to you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 060

You deserved it 3 154

Thanks

By lucy_g - 02/11/2013 05:06 - United States

Today, I was talking to my boyfriend, feeling pretty low. I said something along the lines of, "You like me even when I look like shit." He replied, "Ah, that's just how you naturally look." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 149

You deserved it 7 307

By cookiecutter8 - 06/11/2015 17:15 - United States - Carlsbad

Today, a guy started complimenting me and calling me beautiful. Halfway through, he burst out laughing and said he couldn't do it. Who needs self confidence, anyway? FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 235

You deserved it 1 688

By joking0303 - 16/07/2009 07:08 - United States

Today, my friend gave me a fortune cookie that said, "Don't be saddened by an upcoming event". Three hours later my girlfriend broke up with me because she said I was too superstitious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 136

You deserved it 6 469

Thanks, I hate it!

By Anja - 03/02/2021 03:30

Today, I was having a horrible day and messaged a friend to vent. She replied with, "Eat a cookie" and proceeded to send me a picture with a "motivational" quote from her buddhistic spiritual leader. FML

I agree, your life sucks 686

You deserved it 252

Next

Top comments

Outsider_77 0

Thursday 19 January 2012 0:27

Not everyone can be a winner. Feel honored.

Glitterhinoceros 14

Thursday 19 January 2012 0:31

Buy a lifetime supply of fortune cookies, so whenever you're feeling sad, you get a compliment and a cookie c:

Comments

Bekeliyr 10

Thursday 19 January 2012 5:06

Maybe you should stop shoving MSG down your throat and your self esteem would rise.

rangerghostface 4

Thursday 19 January 2012 5:11

Hey, at least you smiled about it (presumably anyway)

TheLoneWandererX 2

Saturday 21 January 2012 0:58

Winning duh! PS nice profile pic

fukthisss 5

Thursday 19 January 2012 5:23

Like????

markiemark303 2

Thursday 19 January 2012 5:30

That's cute!

Fmlsea 28

Thursday 19 January 2012 5:30

If u work on ur self esteem and believe in urself u can be a winner

halpertshomeboy 5

Thursday 19 January 2012 5:49

I'd blush too, thats not that weird

abundy 0

Thursday 19 January 2012 6:21

Winning!!! -Charlie Sheens way(;

RICHMOND920 3

Thursday 19 January 2012 6:37

you sound like a lil cry baby. go see a therapist.

Cryptic_Equinox 0

Thursday 19 January 2012 15:03

And you sound like a massive idiot. Sorry, A huge-massive idiot.

Nwthatzfunny 9

Thursday 19 January 2012 6:40

datz not good

someguy314159265 15

Thursday 19 January 2012 7:21

Perhaps I have the low self-esteem when I realize that this is not directed to anyone in particular and that any sucker could have gotten that fortune cookie and thought it was talking about them.

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Relatable Embarrassing Awkward Health Love Relationship advice Am I overreacting? Work Weird AITA Dating Sleep Annoying Parents Mental health Furniture Kids Friends Gross Public freakouts Fight Neighbours Cops Drugs Medication Dogs Animals Teenagers Ironic

The Top

Today, my jobless husband wants to buy the latest iPhone. His current phone is in good condition, except that he has a 1000 apps on it slowing it down. We're also in deeply crushing debt from all his bad financial decisions from his severely loss-making business. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 169

You deserved it 182

Good morning guys! Today's interview has been done in some extreme circumstances. It was about 36° Celsius, and half of the Completely Serious Comics crew was working while the other one was cooking. Well, it was a bit crazy as you can imagine. So m...

I agree, your life sucks 18

You deserved it 17

The Top

Today, I was pumping gas and decided to go in for a drink. I discovered that when it's cold, sometimes the gas doesn't stop pumping automatically and starts spewing out onto the sidewalk. I had to pay for $53 of spilled gas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 900

You deserved it 33 643

Today, I accidentally fell asleep in class due to a new medication I’ve started. My teacher also thought it would be funny to blow an air horn in my ear in front of everyone, scaring me half to death. I’m currently pissed off while waiting to take this up with administration as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 815

You deserved it 270

Today, I’m realising that at some point I should have just settled for the guys who were there, instead of waiting for the fantasy perfect guy. All my exes are happily married with grown kids, whereas I’m in my 50’s, never married, no kids or grandkids, and will probably die alone with my cat eating my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 446

You deserved it 1 180

Today, I went on a busy train. I packed myself in close to a very good looking woman and, too scared to say anything, looked out the window. After feeling a hand on my ass, I assumed it was her. To not ruin the moment, I didn't look back. After a few stops, I looked back. It was an old man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 471

You deserved it 12 789

Today, I made out with a boy for the first time. I belched into his mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 363

You deserved it 6 649

Today, my boss praised me for always ranking first at work and how she hopes I keep it up for a long time. I then had to awkwardly hand her my letter of resignation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 971

You deserved it 1 922