Miscellaneous: Take the W - FML

Take the W

By FML - 18/01/2012 19:41 - United States

Today, I blushed when a fortune cookie said, "You have the attitude of a winner." My self esteem is that low. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 763

You deserved it 4 778

Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

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Same thing different taste

Doggy dog world

By Whatever - 24/09/2021 08:00

Today, my self-esteem has gotten so low that when I was out walking my boss's dog and someone called out, "Beautiful!" I assumed they were talking about the dog. They had to clarify they were speaking about me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 939

You deserved it 169

By Jill - 25/02/2010 01:26 - France

Today, a friend of mine commented that I "have a lot of confidence for a fat girl". Ummm... thanks? FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 662

You deserved it 4 503

It's the thought that counts

By no good deed - 23/07/2020 20:02

Today, I was feeling pretty down due to a recent back injury, so I thought I’d do something nice to help lift my spirits. I bought some cookies for my coworkers, who ended up not wanting any, and one of them decided to ask what was wrong with my face. Oh, right, my acne rosacea is flaring too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 489

You deserved it 262

Bad omen

By pupitre - 18/10/2011 00:16 - Canada

Today, I was at a Chinese restaurant with my boyfriend and his family. After the meal, we all decided to open our fortune cookies and read them out loud. On mine, it said "You will change your mind many times before settling down." I didn't realize what it meant until after I'd read it to them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 494

You deserved it 4 954

By Anonymous - 07/08/2012 20:13 - Canada - Pierrefonds

Today, I was at a Chinese buffet, and I got a fortune cookie. I opened it, and it said, "The love of your life is sitting across from you". The only thing across from me was an empty chair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 633

You deserved it 3 531

By ugly duckling - 06/08/2015 19:18 - United States - Reston

Today, feeling very self-conscious about my looks, I told my mom I felt ugly and wished I could be as beautiful as her. She only said, "Yeah, I'm pretty, I wonder what happened to you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 060

You deserved it 3 154

Thanks

By lucy_g - 02/11/2013 05:06 - United States

Today, I was talking to my boyfriend, feeling pretty low. I said something along the lines of, "You like me even when I look like shit." He replied, "Ah, that's just how you naturally look." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 149

You deserved it 7 307

By cookiecutter8 - 06/11/2015 17:15 - United States - Carlsbad

Today, a guy started complimenting me and calling me beautiful. Halfway through, he burst out laughing and said he couldn't do it. Who needs self confidence, anyway? FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 235

You deserved it 1 688

By joking0303 - 16/07/2009 07:08 - United States

Today, my friend gave me a fortune cookie that said, "Don't be saddened by an upcoming event". Three hours later my girlfriend broke up with me because she said I was too superstitious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 136

You deserved it 6 469

Thanks, I hate it!

By Anja - 03/02/2021 03:30

Today, I was having a horrible day and messaged a friend to vent. She replied with, "Eat a cookie" and proceeded to send me a picture with a "motivational" quote from her buddhistic spiritual leader. FML

I agree, your life sucks 686

You deserved it 252

Next

Top comments

Outsider_77 0

Thursday 19 January 2012 0:27

Not everyone can be a winner. Feel honored.

Glitterhinoceros 14

Thursday 19 January 2012 0:31

Buy a lifetime supply of fortune cookies, so whenever you're feeling sad, you get a compliment and a cookie c:

Comments

daniel1991 0

Thursday 19 January 2012 7:21

Get into a sport...they help out with that

EduJav321 24

Thursday 19 January 2012 7:30

Beats the "help, Im trapped in a fortune cookie factory!" cookie

fuzzywolf 8

Thursday 19 January 2012 7:32

At first I misread this as "you have the attitude of a wiener", would've been so much better XD

nabila21 0

Thursday 19 January 2012 7:59

U do know they come true right? It's been proved twice.

Raesin 21

Thursday 19 January 2012 13:38

No they don't and no it hasn't. It's like Tarot cards, you just link things in your life to things that have happened or do happen to the card/fortune, however bizarre. It had nothing to do with some printed text on a bit of card or paper in a biscuit.

Honestly_Lainey 21

Thursday 19 January 2012 8:27

I once got a fortune cookie that said "you love Chinese food"

The_Great_Bevis 3

Thursday 19 January 2012 8:45

It's ok you need to get your self esteem up and if a cookie helps so be it

purpleisbloo 13

Thursday 19 January 2012 9:06

Once, I got a fortune that said: "You will soon enjoy a small fortune." Then I realized I was eating a delicious fortune cookie. Darn.

divine69 0

Thursday 19 January 2012 9:26

Not with that attitude

BlueHue 0

Thursday 19 January 2012 13:41

Compliments are always nice to get :)

leafsrbest 0

Thursday 19 January 2012 18:19

I used to have low self esteem. Then I took an arrow to the knee

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Relatable Weather Snow Health Miscellaneous Love Awkward Embarrassing Relationship advice Am I overreacting? Work Weird AITA Dating Sleep Annoying Parents Mental health Furniture Kids Gross Friends Public freakouts Fight Neighbours Cops Drugs Medication Teenagers Dogs

The Top

Today, my wife and I can’t decide if we should force my stepson to wait when he rudely demands something, in the hope he’ll learn patience and some manners, or just give him what he wants so he’ll go away and stop making us miserable. He’s 13. FML

I agree, your life sucks 323

You deserved it 1 293

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I agree, your life sucks 12

You deserved it 18

The Top

Today, I had a nightmare in which I murdered a store employee because the store wasn’t selling the item I wanted. I would never do that in real life, and now I feel extremely guilty for how I acted in my dream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 767

You deserved it 193

Today, since I've been paying attention to my newborn, my pet cockatoo learned to cry like the baby on the middle of the night. I haven't gotten more than four hours of sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 324

You deserved it 2 735

Today, I had to pick my grandma up because she was drunk, at church, at 9am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 402

You deserved it 2 502

Today, against the will of the kids in my class, we played kick ball. The first time I rolled the ball, the tallest, biggest kid kicked it as hard as he could. I caught it though, with my nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 241

You deserved it 5 280

Today, I arrived at my parents house for dinner. When I got there, I noticed that they had gay pride flags hanging from the porch, and gay rights bumper stickers plastered to their cars. There was also a huge "We accept you, Nick" banner hanging from the garage. I'M NOT GAY! FML

I agree, your life sucks 93 262

You deserved it 6 402

Today, during my boyfriends birthday dinner, his father shouted, “Jessica, can you slice me a piece too?” My name isn’t Jessica and I’ve been in their family for over two years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 707

You deserved it 198