Healthy Lifestyle, Poopoo peepee and Work: That shit adds up

That shit adds up

By melikeyturtles - 03/07/2012 15:08 - United States - Chicago

Today, I found out my home health patient purposely drinks tons of prune juice every night so I will have a huge mess to clean up in the morning because I'm "a lazy bastard" and I "need to work harder." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 199

You deserved it 2 829

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Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Juicer

By alcomom - 01/07/2020 02:02

Today, I spent ages prepping, chopping, bagging and freezing lots of fruits and veggies for my mom. I also bought her a juicer and alkaline water to help combat some of her health issues. I walked into the kitchen to see her mixing her juice with vodka and rum instead of the water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 296

You deserved it 275

Man child, part 2

By Anonymous - 10/11/2020 02:02 - United States

Today, I was told I'm lazy by my boyfriend because I skipped work. He skips his all the time and when I get home still have to cook and clean up after him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 933

You deserved it 300

By melikeyturtles - 10/10/2011 04:13 - United States

Today, I went to work as a home health-aid, and found out that my client turns his hearing aid off on purpose because he can't stand my voice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 553

You deserved it 4 785

By wdones97 - 08/10/2018 14:00

Today, at my job, I was so tired and aggravated that I accidentally mumbled, "I need a drink." One of the patients I was taking care of heard me and said, "Me too." I work at an addiction rehab facility. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 918

You deserved it 2 910

By Nick - 13/08/2009 19:47 - United States

Today, I was looking in the refrigerator for something to drink. I found a jug of lemonade with a piece of paper on it saying "Mom's Lemonade, Don't Drink!" I was really thirsty, so I ignored it and drank the whole jug. My mom is about to have a colonoscopy and had filled it with laxatives. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 406

You deserved it 147 123

Dude, WTF?

By Anonymous - 18/03/2016 20:57 - United States - Valley Stream

Today, my roommate reached a whole new level of laziness: I caught him casually peeing into an empty beer bottle while laying in bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 538

You deserved it 1 374

Classic

By Anonymous - 10/02/2022 18:00

Today, my physician, a known drunk himself, told me I was drinking too much and I should quit before my kidneys decide to divorce me and take the house and car with them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 363

You deserved it 872

By Anonymous - 14/05/2015 02:37 - United Kingdom

Today, I got sick of my flatmate stealing my food so I decided to sabotage a leftover pizza with laxatives. I came back home later in the evening after a night of heavy drinking. Guess what I had to eat in my drunken stupor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 259

You deserved it 36 941

By crap - 02/07/2019 00:01

Today, I was tired from an all-nighter I'd pulled because I thought I had the next four days off work. I got called in, and went because I have bills to pay. However, the amount of energy drinks I drank to stay on top of my job duties gave me such bad diarrhea, I had to go home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 547

You deserved it 656

Relationship goals

By Anonymous - 30/08/2021 15:00 - United States - Garner

Today, after I finally recovering from being ill, my husband complained about the house being messy, that I needed to clean up after myself. I filled 2 large tote bags with his stuff laying around the house, and one small stack of medical bills for me. It took me hours to clean. But I'm the messy one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 112

You deserved it 113

TonyGoCapitals 0

Tuesday 3 July 2012 18:51

Wow what an asshole no prune intended

SkoomaKi 27

Tuesday 3 July 2012 18:56

Put Viagra in that prune juice and see who's laughing.

Comments

TonyGoCapitals 0

Tuesday 3 July 2012 18:51

Wow what an asshole no prune intended

reallytho3 11

Tuesday 3 July 2012 19:20

You deserve a gold star for that one lol

zachherbert 10

Tuesday 3 July 2012 19:22

Let me bowel down to you sir.

mollysticks 10

Tuesday 3 July 2012 18:51

Prune juice....ew

Calyx_fml 21

Tuesday 3 July 2012 18:51

Prune juice It makes your bowels loose

ohmylanta22 5

Wednesday 4 July 2012 3:30

Failllllllll

Blacksxe 1

Tuesday 3 July 2012 18:52

Earning that pay check one shitty wipe at a time.

SqueakyChipmunk 21

Tuesday 3 July 2012 23:21

Solution: Butt plug.

youjustmademelol 4

Tuesday 3 July 2012 18:52

Prune juice, an old mans beer

gurly98 13

Tuesday 3 July 2012 18:54

Yowza

zachherbert 10

Tuesday 3 July 2012 19:32

Baaziing

beautifulbeau 4

Tuesday 3 July 2012 18:54

What a shitty situation.

TriflingAllDay 6

Tuesday 3 July 2012 19:01

Im sure you were uninformed, so I will take the liberty. This comment is not allowed to be used as a joke anymore.

aleeshttylXD 9

Tuesday 3 July 2012 19:02

shitgasm

perdix 29

Tuesday 3 July 2012 19:21

#11, the only thing wrong with #8's comment is the omission of the *lowers sunglasses* Now, it's perfect! Thumbs up!

Calyx_fml 21

Tuesday 3 July 2012 19:27

And a duckface too!! Noob.

nevershoutkendal_fml 10

Tuesday 3 July 2012 19:45

Why are you all so unnecessarily harsh? Sounds like there's some personal issues.

BeforeItWasCool 12

Tuesday 3 July 2012 21:46

Welcome to the Internet. Leave your feelings at the door.

SkoomaKi 27

Tuesday 3 July 2012 18:56

Put Viagra in that prune juice and see who's laughing.

starsfan_9 7

Tuesday 3 July 2012 20:08

You don't want to see the kind of mess that results from Viagra and a jerk like that

rcgirl2 11

Tuesday 3 July 2012 20:42

But if they found out that OP did it, he could lose his job.

KiwiExchange 16

Tuesday 3 July 2012 18:56

What an inconsiderate prick. Since he's not the one cleaning it up and working hard, it's easy for him to just make the mess and give shit.

MindFreakazoid 10

Tuesday 3 July 2012 19:03

I see what you did there :D

br0ccoli 14

Tuesday 3 July 2012 19:02

Time to start wiping with wet cloths laced with alcohol.

Keywords

Miscellaneous Embarrassing Awkward Sleep Work Love Dating Am I overreacting? Annoying Parents Health Mental health Furniture Kids Friends Gross Fight Public freakouts Drugs Neighbours Cops Medication Relatable Animals Dogs Teenagers Ironic Video games Gamers Zoom

The Top

Today, it was dad’s funeral and I intended to speak but I was crying so much I couldn’t finish and mom had to help me back to my seat. Unfortunately, most of our family are arseholes and I could hear someone saying, “Disgraceful, shaming his dad like that.” It was the worst day of my entire life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 631

You deserved it 81

Today, my daughter found a hair baked into the crust of her pizza. Grossed out, she put it down the garbage disposal, but I told her to dig it out so we could get a refund. After dinner, she came looking for the saved pizza crust. I was baffled about where it was until I realized I'd eaten it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 292

You deserved it 4 691

The Top

Today, I had to convince policemen I’m not a victim of domestic abuse after I had to go to hospital for a stab wound for the second time since Xmas. I’m just hopelessly clumsy. I managed to stab myself with a screwdriver while opening a paint tin. Last time, it was a knitting needle while knitting Xmas jumpers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 949

You deserved it 191

Today, my boyfriend of 2 1/2 years still refuses to memorize my phone number or remember my birthday because he says there is a limited amount of space in his brain and he does not want to push any important information out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 279

You deserved it 6 810

Today, I was reaching for something in the back of the refrigerator. The bottle of hot sauce that was in front of it fell and broke. Not only did the glass cut my feet up, but the hot sauce got in the fresh wounds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 027

You deserved it 4 599

Today, I went on a blind date. Things got hot and heavy, but when he pulled off my pants and saw the Pittsburgh Penguins logo on my thong he stopped and told me to get dressed and that he refused to sleep with the enemy. He was a die-hard Flyers fan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 016

You deserved it 4 928

Today, I was talking with my slightly skinflint girlfriend, who just moved in with me. “I think you should pay more bills than me, since you’re taller, you eat more, drink more and your clothes take up more space in the washing machine”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 892

You deserved it 124

Today, I was pretending a long corridor at work was a catwalk, when a coworker walked out just in time to see me prancing around like an idiot. Now the whole building is laughing about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 469

You deserved it 7 505

That shit adds up

Same thing different taste

Juicer

Man child, part 2

Dude, WTF?

Classic

Relationship goals

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