Intimacy, Health, Mental health and Wanker: That would be really great

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That would be really great

By Anonymous - 19/04/2024 14:00 - United States - North Brunswick

Today, I actually googled whether masturbation could induce weight loss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 163

You deserved it 343

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Same thing different taste

By Fattymuch - 14/09/2011 14:27 - India

Today, I was online looking up ways to lose weight, get thinner and be healthier, all the while eating a slab of brownie that was half the size of my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 970

You deserved it 51 993

Can't be bothered

By Anonymous - 06/07/2019 00:30

Today, I realised just how lazy I am when I was about to masturbate, but decided not to because I didn't want to put in the effort. FML

I agree, your life sucks 915

You deserved it 1 742

Missing

By SignificantShrinkage - 08/10/2018 03:00

Today, I found out that when you gain too much weight, your penis can get significantly smaller. After noticing that things had been "off" in the bedroom, my girlfriend and I decided to measure it. There was significant shrinkage. I guess it's time to start working out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 984

You deserved it 1 928

By RyanM - 13/02/2011 09:01 - Canada

Today, I realized how out of shape I am, when I couldn't finish masturbating because I ran out of breath. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 990

You deserved it 64 723

Don't attempt this

By jammy - 25/06/2024 07:00 - United States

Today, after I completely starved myself for a week and exercised every day in an attempt to lose weight, I instead gained 5 pounds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 377

You deserved it 279

By anonymous - 16/11/2010 22:43 - United States

Today, my girlfriend told me to Google how to last longer in bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 874

You deserved it 11 685

That slaps!

By Kelli - 08/04/2020 02:00

Today, the whole time my husband and I had sex, my stomach flab violently slapped my thighs. The harder he pumped, the louder the slapping got. Time to lose some weight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 413

You deserved it 968

By jai90 - 03/02/2014 21:16 - Netherlands - Utrecht

Today, I found a Google search for "erectile dysfunction" in my browser search history, along with pages about treatments for it. I'm a woman, and I live alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 247

You deserved it 3 829

By chunkymonkey - 23/11/2011 23:54

Today, my boyfriend used a laser pointer to show me where I needed to lose weight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 821

You deserved it 6 284

By MyHeadHurts - 20/01/2012 10:42 - Ireland

Today, I got bored looking at porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 218

You deserved it 39 618

Chazzster 28

Friday 19 April 2024 20:19

It would be if you went for a long walk first.

wrecklesswfire 3

Saturday 20 April 2024 21:53

well? can it?

Comments

Chazzster 28

Friday 19 April 2024 20:19

It would be if you went for a long walk first.

rick 10

Saturday 20 April 2024 14:55

Try exercising more than your dick if you want to lose weight

rick 10

Saturday 20 April 2024 14:56

Try exercising more than your dick if you want to lose weight

rick 10

Saturday 20 April 2024 14:56

Try exercising more than your dick if you want to lose weight

wrecklesswfire 3

Saturday 20 April 2024 21:53

well? can it?

jkjorn 16

Monday 22 April 2024 15:48

asking for a friend, right?

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The Top

Today, I was walking into work holding a coffee and a bunch of other things. My employee saw me and held the door. I was almost there when I dropped my coffee, tried to catch it, tripped over the curb and fell flat on my face. I heard the door close while still lying there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 666

You deserved it 205

Today, I was taking a really big test in a class that I was failing. It was worth at least 7 grades so I studied my butt off. During the test, a girl with huge breasts sat down next to me and I couldn't stop staring. My test got confiscated because they thought I was cheating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 481

You deserved it 59 041

The Top

Today, I wanted to ask my girlfriend to marry me, so as she loves crosswords, I created my own where the answers spelled out "MARRY ME EVE." Unfortunately, it seems I made the clues a bit too difficult as she only solved two, gave up, and got mad at me for making her feel dumb. FML

I agree, your life sucks 462

You deserved it 169

Today, my daughter is too crafty for her own good: she found out I was planning on driving her to her first date to meet a boy, so she let the air out of my car tyres, removed my bike chain, and even stole my bus pass. I taught her well. Well played daughter, well played. FML

I agree, your life sucks 367

You deserved it 1 457

Today, my horse, who has been nothing but gentle for 27 years, kicked me right in the knee on my last vacation day. It's so bad, I can hardly sleep or sit down on the toilet. Tomorrow I go back to work, which involves lots of walking, sitting down and getting back up, as well as lifting heavy stuff. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 766

You deserved it 212

Today, I have an internal defibrillator from trauma to my heart 12 years ago. I finally experienced for the first time what it's like when it shocks me. Nothing says I'm a keeper like getting kicked in the chest and smacked upside the back of the head with a baseball bat while clapping cheeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 116

You deserved it 144

Today, I saw my crush waving me over from the other end of the parking lot. I ran quickly to greet him, but in my excitement didn't take note of the giant Hummer backing out. I broke two ribs and all my crush was trying to do was warn me of the moving vehicle I was about to run into. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 051

You deserved it 17 364

Today, I told my family I’m pregnant again. My boyfriend is now sat outside, crying and getting drunk. My oldest son is looking at apartments for rent because he doesn’t want to be around screaming babies again, and my younger two are crying because they don’t want another sibling either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 361

You deserved it 1 748

That would be really great

Same thing different taste

Can't be bothered

Missing

Don't attempt this

That slaps!

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