Miscellaneous: The gift

The gift

By bubblensuds1 - 28/10/2009 04:22 - United States

Today, someone left a used condom under the windshield wiper of my car. I didn't notice it until I was driving. And it was raining. It was even tied, so the contents couldn't leak out. I'm not planning artificial insemination anytime soon, but thanks for the thought. Man, I love college. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 795

You deserved it 3 101

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Same thing different taste

By Aether - 03/05/2009 21:17 - United States

Today, I was driving down the road at about 10pm, when the passenger in the car in front of me threw something out the window. The object flew towards and landed directly on my windshield. It was a condom. A used condom. It wasn't tied. Semen spreads out quite a bit when you're driving fast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 136 970

You deserved it 7 608

By Anonymous - 31/07/2012 03:36 - United States - Chicago

Today, I whacked off with a condom on and left it in the living room waste basket so it looked like I finally had sex with someone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 449

You deserved it 42 552

By Anonymous - 12/08/2019 04:01

Today, in my tidy, small-town neighborhood, I parked my car 50 metres further back from my usual spot just across from our house on a half-empty public street, because it was taken. Apparently, someone didn't appreciate this. So much so, they put a used condom under my windshield wiper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 507

You deserved it 132

Sex is out of the window

By Anonymous - 30/01/2022 13:59

Today, I heard a woman moaning while I was walking on a sidewalk. I didn't mind, until someone dropped a recently-used condom on my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 522

You deserved it 142

By Jake - 02/10/2012 11:52 - United States - Athens

Today, I woke up with a used condom on my face. Turns out my roommate had sex with his girlfriend during the night and instead of getting up and throwing it away, he decided to throw it across the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 601

You deserved it 2 811

The Three Bears Conundrum

By Madison43097 - 24/09/2009 20:57 - United States

Today, I was cleaning out from underneath my bed and found a used condom. I've never had sex in my own room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 792

You deserved it 2 545

By iNearlyHurled - 28/09/2012 08:24 - United States

Today, my laptop got hit by a Trojan. Not the malware, but a used condom thrown from a car driving past as I sat on a street bench. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 030

You deserved it 2 816

Cheers, asshat

By gross - 15/07/2011 01:09 - Canada

Today, I was playing my guitar outside my apartment building, and some people had put some money in my guitar case. One guy threw in what I thought was a crumpled piece of paper or something. It was actually a used condom. It leaked all over the money and my case. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 365

You deserved it 5 036

By Confused lesbian - 16/07/2018 13:30 - United States - Lynchburg

Today, I found a used condom in my bed. I haven't had sex in months and now I'm terrified. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 491

You deserved it 305

By ohEw - 09/11/2017 10:00 - United States - Pasadena

Today, while doing my laundry, I found a very clean but presumably used ribbed condom in my freshly washed and dried sheets. It was not mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 006

You deserved it 266

depechemode 0

Wednesday 28 October 2009 20:44

...And this, my dear children, is how transformers are born.

perdix 29

Wednesday 28 October 2009 13:54

"I'm sorry, Your Honor, about the accident, but I didn't see the other car because I was blinded by the semen." He'll want to see you in camera.

Comments

stupiddumbblonde 0

Wednesday 28 October 2009 12:18

What the. it said I'm

Jcat_fml 0

Wednesday 28 October 2009 15:19

I agree, how can you say YAY and then FML? it's just dumb.

drummer_dude 0

Wednesday 28 October 2009 16:45

What happens when she turns the window wipers on because it's raining? It splits the condom and all the semen is spread over her window.

GJMO 0

Wednesday 28 October 2009 20:15

I guess you would like a used condom flapping on your car then. Ofcousre it is an FML

teach09 0

Wednesday 28 October 2009 12:16

How is this a FML? You don't seem very upset by it. It was tied so nothing came out. hmm...

procrastinatorrr 0

Wednesday 28 October 2009 13:50

haha yeah, it was raining - windshield wipers plus untied condom could've got messy! would have been funny to see anyway

depechemode 0

Wednesday 28 October 2009 20:44

...And this, my dear children, is how transformers are born.

jadeddream 0

Wednesday 28 October 2009 23:08

#34 = WIN.

Allison_H 0

Sunday 4 July 2010 16:59

#34 Wins for greatest comment, therefore, winning the thread... And one hell of an awesome Screen Name. Depeche Mode FTW. #34. FTW.

embr 0

Monday 18 April 2011 18:09

hahahahahahahaha!!!! tht made my life

stupiddumbblonde 0

Wednesday 28 October 2009 12:19

What is going on???? I can't see my comments!!!

rainbowfrootloop 0

Wednesday 28 October 2009 12:29

that's just nasty!!

vishmir 0

Wednesday 28 October 2009 12:32

Hmmm.. looks like this should be on lml. College days are the best! :D

spaaw 0

Wednesday 28 October 2009 12:34

haha made me lol

the_holy_one 0

Wednesday 28 October 2009 12:49

Asher Roth FTW!!!

enough4 0

Wednesday 28 October 2009 13:34

"Man, I love college. **** my life."

BrunetteHottiie 0

Thursday 29 October 2009 3:10

Sarcasm

LzrdPsnsSpck 0

Wednesday 28 October 2009 13:36

That's nasty! But it's good that it sounds like you saw the funny side of it.

roflmaonade 2

Wednesday 28 October 2009 13:41

wrong site buddy, refer to mylifeisaverage.com aka MLIA

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The Top

Today, it's been two months since I broke up with my boyfriend. He's been texting me every time he found a bobby pin at his house that belonged to me, saying we should both see it as a sign of us belonging together. If he keeps this up every time he finds one, the texts will probably never stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 095

You deserved it 880

Today, during a dinner party, some friends brought up how sweet, innocent and caring they thought I was. I had to sit there as my drunk boyfriend cut them off and loudly argue that I was neither sweet nor innocent, and really nothing that special at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 981

You deserved it 4 590

The Top

Today, my partner and I spent the last 3 days transitioning our 19 month-olds bedtime by 15 minutes each day for daylight savings, only to find out we've been going the wrong way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 363

You deserved it 1 286

Today, I was roasting marshmallows around a campfire when mine burst into flames. I instinctively shook the stick to get it to go out. The flaming marshmallow then catapulted straight into my eye, burning my whole eyelid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 259

You deserved it 27 847

Today, I was texting the girl I am in love with. I was dropping hints about liking someone who I didn't know if they liked me back. Flirting a little. And just when I thought she'd say she liked me too, she said "Don't worry, if you were straight, I would definitely date you!". FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 493

You deserved it 5 507

Today, exactly a year after he ended our relationship days before our son's first Christmas and told me he would always be in mine and our sons lives, I learned my ex got a new girlfriend several months ago, who more than likely is the reason he stopped calling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 906

You deserved it 149

Today, I got overwhelmed at a family reunion, so I did an Irish exit. There were only about 15 people there, but it wasn't until at least an hour after I got home that people realized I wasn't there anymore. Shows how much I matter to them, I guess. FML

I agree, your life sucks 165

You deserved it 469

Today, I bumped into an old school friend. I'd heard she was pregnant so the first thing I did was congratulate her. Not only was she not pregnant, but the reason she managed to get so fat was because of comfort eating due to her miscarriage last month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 978

You deserved it 7 453