Love, Weird and Paranoia: The Reid technique - FML

The Reid technique

By Anonymous - 24/10/2022 00:00

Today, I asked my girlfriend if maybe she wanted to actually leave the house for date night. All I got was, “Why? We have takeaway menus.” When I insisted we leave the house for once, she got suspicious, like I was trying to hide something bad. She’s not talking to me until I admit what I did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 031

You deserved it 140

Winter: Snow and Funny News
Snuggle up and laugh with our winter stories, where snow isn't the only thing sliding around! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By dazedandconfused - 18/09/2016 09:44 - United Kingdom - Dorking

Today, I found out why my wife has been upset with me for the last week. She told me this morning that I did something to upset her on our date night last Friday, she won't tell me what, and she said she'll leave me if I do it again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 455

You deserved it 1 102

What do you want from me?

By Anonymous - 16/09/2023 22:00

Today, after weeks of my girlfriend moaning that I never go anywhere, I went out with some friends. An hour in, she started blowing up my phone. When I answered it, she was screaming in rage because I wasn't home to cook dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 820

You deserved it 155

Paranoid

By Anonymous - 31/12/2014 18:12 - Australia

Today, I went on a date. After we finished our meal, I had to use the bathroom really bad. When I said so, my date totally lost it and accused me of planning on climbing out a window and ditching her. "Fuck that and fuck you!" she said, then stormed out, leaving me with the bill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 560

You deserved it 2 947

By salad - 28/04/2014 15:38 - United States - North Charleston

Today, I took my girlfriend out for lunch, and I asked her if I could have a bite of her meal. She took it to mean I was calling her fat, and stormed out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 952

You deserved it 5 323

By Nico711 - 30/03/2019 02:00

Today, my girlfriend and I were out to dinner. She had to use the bathroom, so she went, but the food came while she was in there. She came out, yelling at me for ordering the food to come that exact time, then she broke up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 446

You deserved it 210

Flummoxed

By Pastry boiii - 10/07/2024 06:00 - United States

Today, it’s been three hours since my girlfriend starting giving me the silent treatment. I went to the bakery to buy some pastries, so I asked her if she wanted any before I left. She said “No.” I came home with one pastry for myself and she threw a tantrum because she'd said “No” to see if I would get her one anyway. I’m confused. FML

I agree, your life sucks 702

You deserved it 194

By jgboy - 14/09/2014 15:32 - United States - Franklin Park

Today, I took my girlfriend of a year out on a date, a nice fancy dinner and a movie. After dinner, I said that I was feeling sick and just wanted to go home. I didn't have the heart to tell her that dinner was so expensive that I didn't have money for the movie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 191

You deserved it 9 510

Whatthefuckaburger

By r u kidding me? - 09/06/2020 20:00

Today, after my girlfriend continuously whined for hours about a specific burger place, I finally gave in and we drove nearly two hours to get there. Once in line, she looked at the menu, then decided everything had too many calories and wanted to go home. She doesn’t get why I’m pissed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 877

You deserved it 333

Overly emotional

By hhhhhhhh - 31/03/2023 00:00

Today, my date received food she didn’t order, and instead of eating it without complaint, she sent it back. When I got up to leave, she began to cry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 166

You deserved it 2 128

Foreplay

By Anonymous - 18/12/2022 09:00

Today, my girlfriend bitched that we spend too much money on food, and needed to start cooking to save money. I got home from work and started dinner. Halfway through, my girlfriend sighed and said, "This is taking too long, I'll order pizza." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 215

You deserved it 164

Next

Top comments

cuz803 44

Monday 24 October 2022 0:52

Either she's guilty of something or she has Plato's The Cave complex

Comments

cuz803 44

Monday 24 October 2022 0:52

Either she's guilty of something or she has Plato's The Cave complex

Keywords

Coworkers Work Transportation Cars Animals Dogs Photography Art Videos Miscellaneous Love Awkward Health Scams My ex Sex Money Family Healthy Lifestyle AITA Am I overreacting? Babies Kids Sleep Mental health Parents Cheating Break-ups Nice Guys Facebook

The Top

Today, I was struggling through an exam and the hot girl next to me seemed to be flying through the questions. So I cheated off her. When we finished I asked her to lunch. She said, "No, I just rushed through the exam so I can go fuck my boyfriend." I got shutdown and probably failed an exam. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 701

You deserved it 94 047

Today, I had a consultation for an upcoming surgery I need done. The doctor (who is very handsome and in his late twenties) asked me to flex my stomach and act like I was trying to use the bathroom. As I was enjoying him touching my stomach, I farted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 998

You deserved it 8 644

The Top

Today, I got up early because I had a bunch of work to do. It's now 11:50 p.m and I still haven't managed to get anything done. FML

I agree, your life sucks 334

You deserved it 609

Today, I pulled out three chips from a bag. There were two round ones, and a skinny one, making it look like a penis. I laughed. I'm 33. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 959

You deserved it 32 833

Today, my life is so boring that I started looking through my can of coins and sorting them out by year. The oldest coin I have is from 1963. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 829

You deserved it 8 957

Today, I tried to open my water bottle, which is like trying to open a pickle jar, and after several seconds, it exploded all over my desk and clothes. Then, when I was going to get paper towels and a change of clothes, I slipped on the puddle and hit my head on my desk as I came crashing down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 769

You deserved it 186

Today, someone took my phone away. Why? Because I was texting my ex-boyfriend who cheated on me with one of my friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 583

You deserved it 3 445

Today, my best friend told me he loved me, so I reminded him that I'm a lesbian. "That's just a phase, just wait till you suck my dick," was his reply. He was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 163

You deserved it 343