Health, Mental health and Alcohol: This is a low

This is a low

By Stella - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, I chipped my tooth on a beer bottle. While I was drinking alone in my basement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 357

You deserved it 28 785

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Same thing different taste

Use the force

By BlueMacaw - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Lake Elsinore

Today, I accidentally threw a glass of iced tea in my own face, because the restaurant I'd been going to for over a decade switched from heavy glass mugs to identical light-as-a-feather plastic mugs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 438

You deserved it 4 697

Night on the tiles

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Ireland - Gorey

Today, I thought it would be a good idea to sneak out of work early and pay a little visit to the pub. I ended up staggering home, drunkenly making myself a nacho cheese dorito milkshake with the blender, then promptly puked my guts out all over the kitchen table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 983

You deserved it 46 607

Mommy's little helper

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Oakland

Today, my drinking problem became apparent when my daughter asked for a glass of juice, and I instinctively poured a large glass of scotch instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 727

You deserved it 39 013

The struggle

By lizi - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - Saint Andrews

Today, I accidentally punched myself in the face while trying to take my bra off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 047

You deserved it 838

The morning after the night before

By college student - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Oxford

Today, I woke up with a vicious hangover. It wouldn't have been so bad if I hadn't woken up to dozens of cans strewn all over the floor. I don't remember buying half the store's supply of pork and beans. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 056

You deserved it 9 380

Boxing

By Holly - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, I had to wait in a hospital room because I cut myself with a knife while trying to open a box of soda. After three stitches, I went home only to notice the box has an easy-open tab. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 519

You deserved it 32 194

Ten out of ten performance, no notes

By Jesska - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was applying Icy Hot. I squeezed the bottle too hard making it squirt in my eye. I ran to the bathroom in agony, turned on the faucet, and slammed my face right into it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 739

You deserved it 7 238

Handy

By screwed - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was teaching a woodshop class. We were using power tools, including drills, and pieces of pine wood. While helping a kid to hold a piece to practice drilling, he went too far forward with the drill. It went through my hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 228

You deserved it 12 243

Dumbass

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff

Today, we were having a little bonfire. At some point, while I was inside, my stupid roommate filled a beer can with lighter fluid and threw it in the fire, resulting in it spewing 5-foot flames, catching the pile of wood and the chair next to it on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 987

You deserved it 248

Rebecca1993 0

Sunday 20 December 2009 9:12

Aw.. I chipped a tooth once. My brother threw a scooter at my face...

Sfugius 0

Sunday 20 December 2009 9:03

learn to invest in beer bottle openers.

Comments

armandoX113 0

Sunday 20 December 2009 9:02

that's sad.

borabora1991 0

Sunday 20 December 2009 9:12

Is this two FMLs in one? Nice job, OP! and sorry about your tooth.

kxxjoejoexxk 8

Thursday 1 November 2012 22:57

Dont say first unless its a dumb fml

DippinGrizzly907 27

Monday 3 March 2014 3:17

What an elegant waste of first comment... *sigh* They're usually the best ones :(

Sfugius 0

Sunday 20 December 2009 9:03

learn to invest in beer bottle openers.

Gubbon 17

Thursday 25 January 2024 8:55

I don't think he tried opening a bottle with his teeth. I HOPE

Rebecca1993 0

Sunday 20 December 2009 9:12

Aw.. I chipped a tooth once. My brother threw a scooter at my face...

JustAReaderOfFml 4

Sunday 20 December 2009 9:49

lolllllll is he hot??? :P srsly if he is tho then YDI ^_^

Rebecca1993 0

Sunday 20 December 2009 9:56

My brother? He's very un-hot. I didn't deserve it.. He threw the scooter at me cause I was mad when he messed something of mine up :(

sleephunters 8

Sunday 20 December 2009 18:30

Wow, I hope your brother is younger then you.

Rebecca1993 0

Sunday 20 December 2009 19:58

Mm.. he's actually older by 15 months.

blland 0

Sunday 20 December 2009 9:52

same, but i guess it's nothing to be proud of

8trickster8 0

Sunday 20 December 2009 10:05

I wish I had a basement.

musicislife1995_fml 0

Sunday 20 December 2009 10:22

you don't get out much, do you?

jamie_leeann23 0

Sunday 20 December 2009 11:09

hahahha, you need a hug.

shockcrow 0

Sunday 20 December 2009 11:29

wish i had that time alone.

me5 0

Sunday 20 December 2009 11:39

I chipped two teeth trying to crack a hard-shelled nut. I'd like to have a basement too.

Anteezy 7

Sunday 20 December 2009 12:25

That's why I drink my beer out of a can when I get drunk alone.

Keywords

Holidays Family Christmas Toxic Love AITA Coworkers Miscellaneous Furniture Parents Sex Intimacy Lonely Relatable Health Money Kids Television Roommate Amazon You're fired Work Cheating Computers Anger issues Mental health Painful Dentist I need your advice Am I overreacting?

The Top

Today, I called back a number I'd recently missed a call from. To my surprise, it was my boyfriend's fiancée's number. I've been with him four years, he's been with her for six. Turns out, not only is he a cheating jerk, but technically I'M the other woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 138

You deserved it 4 976

Today, I woke up with a hangover and my girlfriend seemed pissed at me. It took me a while before I remembered having sex the night before. I just didn't know exactly what had happened after that had pissed her off. Then I realized nothing happened, because I fell asleep while she was on top of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 671

You deserved it 39 754

The Top

Today, I've been having really bad seasonal allergies. I was at work, and feeling just about to sneeze for at least a full minute, but thought I could stop it. A customer came up to me, I opened my mouth to greet her… but instead sneezed right in her face. Several seconds before my addled brain caught up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 710

You deserved it 187

Today, my 5 month old son decided that my lip ring was a toy. Thinking it would be ok, I let him touch it. He got his finger caught and pulled his hand back. The lip ring is still in, but now I have a huge gaping hole in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 513

You deserved it 53 860

Today, I went to a friend's "party". Everyone bailed but my friend didn't say anything, so it's just me and my girl. The train tickets alone cost £20. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 295

You deserved it 421

Today, I introduced my friend to a show I really like. I told her that I’m only halfway through the second season, but she should check it out. Since she’s on leave from work, she decided to binge watch every available episode, then text me multiple spoilers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 035

You deserved it 212

Today, I had to give presentation at work, for which I'd extensively prepared. However, as soon as I started speaking, I had a sudden panic attack and forgot everything I'd rehearsed. I stumbled through the presentation, feeling the embarrassment steadily grow in front of my colleagues. I almost passed out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 800

You deserved it 177

Today, I went on what I thought was my fifth date with a guy. We finally got intimate and it was amazing. As soon as it was over, he said : "Sorry babe, I should get going. I have a date tomorrow and I'd hate to be tired for it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 944

You deserved it 1 270

This is a low

Same thing different taste

Use the force

Night on the tiles

Sponsored by Popov

Mommy's little helper

The struggle

The morning after the night before

Boxing

Ten out of ten performance, no notes

Handy

Dumbass

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