Intimacy: Today, after recently moving to an apartment, we've already been...

By Jeathrow - 16/02/2012 15:01 - United States

Today, after recently moving to an apartment, we've already been asked if we wanted to buy drugs, had a children's chair thrown through the front window, our door painted with "CUNT LICKER" and my laundry stolen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 283

You deserved it 4 003

When Christmas Ends Badly…
Rather than debating politics with Uncle Roger for the umpteenth time, share the best Christmas FMLs to finally have a good family meal! More…

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 29/08/2013 09:38 - United Kingdom

Today, my house was broken into. They didn't take much, but they did paint spunking cocks on the walls and furniture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 817

You deserved it 2 730

Suburbia

By Anonymous - 26/07/2011 14:05 - United Kingdom

Today, the only thing that managed to get me out of bed was scrambling to watch my neighbours have a screaming match in the middle of our street, about which one of their brain-dead kids spray-painted "CUNT FLAPS" and a rudimentary knob on the communal garage door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 861

You deserved it 3 023

By Anonymous - 11/07/2011 07:42 - Australia

Today, I got home from work to find my house covered in graffiti dicks, the windows smashed, the front lawn entirely ripped up, and my letter box containing dog shit. I also found a note taped to the door saying, "Suck on this Darren". Darren is my next door neighbor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 593

You deserved it 3 285

By Sarah - 17/08/2012 07:45 - Canada - Penhold

Today, my house got broken into. They just made a mess. I saw a note on the kitchen table that read "There's nothing good here. You have shitty stuff." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 142

You deserved it 3 069

By wheatsnake - 08/10/2009 13:31 - Australia

Today, I took my new laptop into my house from my car, thinking it would be a too much of a target for kids grabbing it. I came home tonight to find my door kicked in, my laptop gone and my TV ripped from the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 177

You deserved it 2 819

The nerve!

By Anonymous - 06/12/2021 20:01

Today, a couple of packages were stolen from our apartment doorstep shortly after being delivered. A little while later, the thief brought the torn packaging back and left them at the bottom of our stairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 869

You deserved it 83

Give it back

By upset room mate - 18/08/2011 06:59 - United States

Today, after our old roommate left because he was too dirty for us to live with anymore, we found out that our new roommate has "borrowed" our shampoo, towel, toilet paper, liquor, without replacing them. I wish we still only had to clean up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 139

You deserved it 4 305

By Anonymous - 07/01/2015 00:26 - United States - Eureka

Today, I moved into my new apartment complex. I left some items including a cherished painting my best friend made for me outside the front door while I moved furniture into my bedroom. When I went back outside, someone had kicked a huge hole in the painting. Welcome to the neighborhood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 551

You deserved it 4 298

Redesign

By rian - 03/04/2021 21:30

Today, my house was broken into. Nothing was stolen, but my laptop had feces smeared all over it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 071

You deserved it 87

Open invitation

By Anonymous - 18/04/2022 06:00 - United States - Morganville

Today, after a grueling business trip, my husband and I came home to all our furniture broken, every window smashed, all the floors scratched and carpets ripped, all our electronics stolen, and all our food and booze gone. What happened? Our son held a party and invited literally everyone he could from campus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 300

You deserved it 187

ajpopoca88 3

Thursday 16 February 2012 18:48

nows a good time to find somewhere else to live. before something dangerous happens

PlaidPanda 9

Thursday 16 February 2012 18:49

Did you do ANY kind of research/asking around before moving on?

Comments

thefmlman2011 36

Thursday 28 June 2012 9:22

sounds like somewhere near where I live.....

mjmlacrosse 2

Friday 29 June 2012 7:56

Where did you move too, Compton?

PhishloverA 14

Monday 8 October 2012 6:37

Are you a guy? Because if so then being called a **** licker is a compliment. Whoever wrote that likes you

WhatsAKate4 6

Monday 6 May 2013 18:27

Why is this categorized as intimacy?

btcrusin 11

Wednesday 25 December 2013 5:09

I feel theres a side of the story your not telling

Brad31_fml 21

Wednesday 29 January 2014 12:33

Welcome to the neighbourhood.

bhfriday 9

Tuesday 17 February 2015 3:06

leave

Keywords

Lonely Awkward Love Party Cars Transportation ADHD Work Mental health Ironic Vacation Grandparents Accident Miscellaneous Annoying Kids Covid Health Shopping Cute Coworkers Dogs Animals Videos Photography Art Sex Intimacy Exhausted Money

The Top

Today, I walked in on my mother-in-law teaching my 11 year-old daughter how to purge herself using a toothbrush. Her logic is that, “If she gets fat, she’ll never get a boyfriend.” She sees nothing wrong, and bitched at me for messing with her future. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 300

You deserved it 136

Today, my Thanksgiving sucks, pretty much bummed because someone dognapped my Shiba Inu as I went inside a store. I'm trying not to stress, even though all I can think of is, "Is he OK? Has he eaten?" Fuck, I miss my darn dog. The audacity of this person. Literally disheartening. Hopefully he returns to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 509

You deserved it 128

The Top

Today, I clogged the toilet at my boyfriend's house. I couldn't fix it and was too ashamed to say anything. I can't handle confrontation, so I had to just sit there as my boyfriend's brother ended up getting blamed, then grounded for "lying" about it not being his fault. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 766

You deserved it 14 023

Today, due to a combination of boredom and a faulty hair dryer, I now have singed pubes and burned balls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 662

You deserved it 55 829

Today, I went to the doctor for a checkup. The doctor went through the normal questions, then paused for a moment and jotted something down. Later when I got back my report from the checkup, I noticed that the doctor had checked the "no" box by "sexually active." She didn't even ask me that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 84 454

You deserved it 6 474

Today, I was caught skinny dipping by the police. With the arresting officer's daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 042

You deserved it 12 759

Today, for my two-year anniversary I got my girlfriend a very expensive diamond necklace. She got me male enhancement pills. FML

I agree, your life sucks 158 403

You deserved it 18 260

Today, a customer threw his cup of coffee at me screaming that it wasn't hot enough. Well, maybe it wasn't hot enough for him, but it was sure hot enough to burn me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 382

You deserved it 2 432