Intimacy: Today, against my advice, my boyfriend decided to read Fifty...

By Anonymous - 23/07/2012 19:12 - United Kingdom

Today, against my advice, my boyfriend decided to read Fifty Shades of Grey in an attempt to learn how to please me in bed. Now all he does is suck on my toes, and thinks it's weird that I don't spontaneously orgasm as if I'm some kind of nymphomaniacal weirdo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 331

You deserved it 5 375

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Same thing different taste

By BustedEgo - 23/03/2014 05:31 - United States - Norway

Today, my boyfriend told me he doesn't know what it's like to be turned on. Apparently, I've been doing something wrong for the past two years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 815

You deserved it 7 328

So cute

By Anonymous - 23/02/2014 17:29 - United States - Canastota

Today, my boyfriend wanted to take our relationship to the next level. I assumed since we live together that he meant marriage. I was wrong; the next level is me jacking him off with my feet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 199

You deserved it 7 622

Libido

By Jena - 05/08/2022 01:00 - United States - Portland

Today, I found out that my boyfriend would rather jerk off to porn than to ever touch me, even if I wear a naughty outfit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 234

You deserved it 335

Creepy

By Anonymous - 28/09/2012 21:22 - Canada

Today, in the middle of sex, my boyfriend sighed, said, "I can't do this any more" and pulled out. After repeatedly asking him what was wrong, he basically told me that I suck in bed. Apparently, the way I "just lie there" makes him feel like a necrophile. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 047

You deserved it 50 915

By wetsheets - 07/01/2013 13:01 - United Kingdom - Cardiff

Today, my partner was inspired by 50 Shades Of Grey to try making me orgasm with a full bladder, therefore intensifying the experience. He was right, it was mind blowing. It also made me piss the bed for the first time in twenty-odd years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 032

You deserved it 7 689

By Jess49 - 03/12/2011 02:06 - United States

Today, after telling my boyfriend I was willing to try just about anything to revive our sex life, he confessed to having a swirly fetish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 424

You deserved it 4 839

By Anonymous - 28/02/2014 21:10 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, frustrated that my boyfriend never gives me any orgasms when we make love, I tried politely hinting that he needs to improve. To start with, I said maybe he should be more spontaneous in bed. He replied, "What, like putting it in your ass? Gotcha." Great. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 853

You deserved it 16 533

The Lovecats

By HaedLei - 26/11/2013 12:17 - United States

Today, I found out my boyfriend has a fetish for cats. I think I'm going to have to meow before we do anything together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 264

You deserved it 5 873

By apparently inexperienced - 11/09/2012 16:54 - United States - Brockton

Today, after what I thought was an amazing sex session with my boyfriend, he let out a big sigh and told me I need to watch more porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 769

You deserved it 6 491

By smellyfeet - 01/06/2010 16:19 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend and I decided it was finally time for both of us to have sex with each other. He kept his shoes on the whole time because he thought he had smelly feet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 087

You deserved it 5 690

Elovena 9

Tuesday 24 July 2012 2:50

At least he cares enough to try.

lissalove17 8

Tuesday 24 July 2012 2:50

He sucks on your toes?! Absolutely disgusting.

Comments

Levvy 22

Tuesday 24 July 2012 15:47

So, if he's going by the book, I guess his next attempt will be to get you to call him a mother hamster? (If you don't know what I'm talking about, just do a web search: "fifty shades of grey" hamster)

BigCatDaddy 2

Tuesday 24 July 2012 17:20

Ok first of all Fifty shades is complete crap, poorly written and badly researched. And out of all that is in there, he choose toe sucking? what a moron

owo_fml 9

Tuesday 24 July 2012 17:34

What I don't understand is that, if Fifty Shades of Grey is Twilight fanfiction, and if by now most people have hopped onto the Twilight bashing bandwagon, why is Fifty Shades so popular? Well, OP, best wishes in bed.

_wraith 15

Wednesday 25 July 2012 0:37

Sex sells, baby.

tnicole94 3

Tuesday 24 July 2012 19:37

He read that entire book, and THAT was what he chose to do?

Levvy 22

Wednesday 25 July 2012 15:36

At least he didn't eat her hamster?

Valiumknights44 12

Tuesday 24 July 2012 20:31

After having read 2 of 3 books in the Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy I must agree that not only are the books poorly written, but they also fail to show a accurate depiction of a relationship. The characters are miraculously and dangerously in love with each other after only five weeks of having sex

Valiumknights44 12

Tuesday 24 July 2012 20:34

And for those who say that the book is practically about rape, last time I checked rape is forcing sex in someone who doesn't want it. Ana's character is not only willing but initiates a lot of the sex herself. I think that being uncomfortable with the way the have sex is making people's imaginations run in overdrive.

rockurheart 9

Tuesday 24 July 2012 23:36

wiiiin

unluckyatlove1 6

Wednesday 25 July 2012 1:22

I have read all three books. I don't remember any toe sucking. The boyfriend is getting off on this and he's too embarrassed to admit he's got a foot fetish, so the book becomes an excuse.

Taurus_ChicKa 36

Wednesday 25 July 2012 2:45

Finally, a book/series other than Twilight for people to hate on. I hear they're thinking of turning 50 Shades of Grey into a movie...really? Why not just make it a porno...that's all it is. Anyway, I think what the boyfriend was getting at was, apparently, there is a lot of finger-sucking in the book (according to a review), and OP's boyfriend switched it up for her toes. I'm with her though - how is that appealing? Gross...and if your feet are ticklish, someone is getting kicked in the face if they're doing that. Seriously, if he wants to learn about sex, that isn't the book for it - it's about dominant sex, half the time borderlining on S&M. Tell him to read Cosmo - there are sections there for guys.