Intimacy: Today, against my advice, my boyfriend decided to read Fifty...

By Anonymous - 23/07/2012 19:12 - United Kingdom

Today, against my advice, my boyfriend decided to read Fifty Shades of Grey in an attempt to learn how to please me in bed. Now all he does is suck on my toes, and thinks it's weird that I don't spontaneously orgasm as if I'm some kind of nymphomaniacal weirdo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 331

You deserved it 5 375

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Same thing different taste

By BustedEgo - 23/03/2014 05:31 - United States - Norway

Today, my boyfriend told me he doesn't know what it's like to be turned on. Apparently, I've been doing something wrong for the past two years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 815

You deserved it 7 328

So cute

By Anonymous - 23/02/2014 17:29 - United States - Canastota

Today, my boyfriend wanted to take our relationship to the next level. I assumed since we live together that he meant marriage. I was wrong; the next level is me jacking him off with my feet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 199

You deserved it 7 622

Libido

By Jena - 05/08/2022 01:00 - United States - Portland

Today, I found out that my boyfriend would rather jerk off to porn than to ever touch me, even if I wear a naughty outfit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 234

You deserved it 335

Creepy

By Anonymous - 28/09/2012 21:22 - Canada

Today, in the middle of sex, my boyfriend sighed, said, "I can't do this any more" and pulled out. After repeatedly asking him what was wrong, he basically told me that I suck in bed. Apparently, the way I "just lie there" makes him feel like a necrophile. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 047

You deserved it 50 915

By wetsheets - 07/01/2013 13:01 - United Kingdom - Cardiff

Today, my partner was inspired by 50 Shades Of Grey to try making me orgasm with a full bladder, therefore intensifying the experience. He was right, it was mind blowing. It also made me piss the bed for the first time in twenty-odd years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 032

You deserved it 7 689

By Jess49 - 03/12/2011 02:06 - United States

Today, after telling my boyfriend I was willing to try just about anything to revive our sex life, he confessed to having a swirly fetish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 424

You deserved it 4 839

By Anonymous - 28/02/2014 21:10 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, frustrated that my boyfriend never gives me any orgasms when we make love, I tried politely hinting that he needs to improve. To start with, I said maybe he should be more spontaneous in bed. He replied, "What, like putting it in your ass? Gotcha." Great. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 853

You deserved it 16 533

The Lovecats

By HaedLei - 26/11/2013 12:17 - United States

Today, I found out my boyfriend has a fetish for cats. I think I'm going to have to meow before we do anything together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 264

You deserved it 5 873

By apparently inexperienced - 11/09/2012 16:54 - United States - Brockton

Today, after what I thought was an amazing sex session with my boyfriend, he let out a big sigh and told me I need to watch more porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 769

You deserved it 6 491

By smellyfeet - 01/06/2010 16:19 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend and I decided it was finally time for both of us to have sex with each other. He kept his shoes on the whole time because he thought he had smelly feet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 087

You deserved it 5 690

Elovena 9

Tuesday 24 July 2012 2:50

At least he cares enough to try.

lissalove17 8

Tuesday 24 July 2012 2:50

He sucks on your toes?! Absolutely disgusting.

Comments

ohitsdaniella 7

Wednesday 25 July 2012 4:17

Sucking toes...is that really what people fantasize about nowadays?

revieced 13

Thursday 26 July 2012 1:11

yes. toesssssss! yumm!

pillowsarecomfy 2

Wednesday 25 July 2012 4:22

I'm curious as to how the hell she never got a UTI...

pizzaboterham 10

Wednesday 25 July 2012 22:46

Doesn't anyone know that that book is based on twilight fan-fiction? The caracters wwere first named edward and bella but the wroter changed it to christian and anastesia. Now everytime you have sex you will think about twilight. You're welcome!

diva239 8

Thursday 26 July 2012 5:24

That's all he got from the book! Wow what a keeper

meghanrose07 2

Thursday 26 July 2012 21:30

My ex boyfriend is foot fetish and he'd always suck on my toes? I have no pleasure in it but he does!

derfMcCallen 5

Friday 27 July 2012 8:02

I'm sorry but the book is completely unrealistic anyways. How many girls ****** every time and in 2 mins too?? Us men could only wish.

lemonademixer 7

Saturday 28 July 2012 4:52

nobodys perfect

WeWereWealth7 7

Saturday 28 July 2012 5:04

Fifty Shades of Gray is the worst book ever written. Tell your boyfriend he needs to consult your "inner goddess" before you can ****** at the drop of a hat.

Dreamer_uk 1

Saturday 28 July 2012 11:06

Maybe he should read the Kama Sutra. Or watch sex programmes. He's trrying at least

Alastrina_fml 20

Sunday 29 July 2012 23:04

I can't bring myself to do toe sucking and the last time a boyfriend tried it with me, I nearly kicked him in the face. '50 Shades of Gray' is a lousy source for instruction material on how to please your partner in bed. The better bet is either A. start looking online for ways of spicing up the sex life, or B. pick up more reputable books that contain much better material instead of some Twilight inspired, sociopathic nonsense that say it's ok to treat women like crap....