Health: Today, as a recovering alcoholic, I called my brother to share... - FML

By Jonny - 09/01/2012 04:07 - United States

Today, as a recovering alcoholic, I called my brother to share the news that I've been sober for a month. He invited me to a bar to celebrate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 429

You deserved it 3 375

Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

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Same thing different taste

You or the both of you?

By Anonymous - 03/10/2023 17:02 - United States

Today, I celebrated my friend's 5-month sobriety milestone with her by getting absolutely wasted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 120

You deserved it 1 218

Slippery slope

By ur_life_dus_suck - 21/01/2016 13:08 - United States - Wayne

Today, my mom celebrated a year's sobriety by having a couple of beers with her boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 256

You deserved it 1 707

By Falling off the wagon - 09/11/2013 13:20 - United Kingdom - Brighton

Today, my uncle gave me a very expensive bottle of champagne at a celebratory family event. We were celebrating me spending 1 year sober. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 456

You deserved it 3 569

Cruel trick

By Anonymous - 15/12/2022 21:00 - Hungary - Budapest

Today, it's my one-year anniversary of being sober. For the occasion, my father decided to spice-up my non-alcoholic cocktail with booze. I didn't realize, and drank it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 680

You deserved it 132

By Anonymous - 01/01/2009 15:38 - France

Today, I'm a recovering alcoholic and drug addict. On new years, my mom called and asked what kind of champagne I want. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 338

You deserved it 3 746

The wagon

By mhmm... cumsquats - 09/02/2013 23:26 - Belgium - Kessel-lo

Today, after much coaxing, I finally got my roommate to loosen up and have a couple of beers with me and my friends. It was only later in the evening that he admitted the real reason he hadn't wanted to drink: he's an alcoholic and had been sober for six months, until now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 935

You deserved it 61 416

I'm not drunk, you're drunk!

By katieemw95 - 23/09/2019 04:00

Today, I came home from partying all night, having stayed completely sober. My Dad, blind drunk, told me he was proud of me for staying sober. He claims to have been sober longer than I have. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 398

You deserved it 128

Pour some more funny!

By Bruce - 12/03/2023 00:00

Today, my alcoholic friend, who is now sober, told me I was a lot more fun when he was drinking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 775

You deserved it 158

By thechimpchapter - 31/12/2011 06:48 - United States

Today, I found out that the neighbor I'd given a bottle of wine to for Christmas is a recovering alcoholic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 477

You deserved it 7 173

By notalcoholic - 09/12/2009 05:29 - Philippines

Today, my roommate gave me a self-help book on alcoholism for my birthday. He's an alcoholic. I gave him that book around 8 months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 073

You deserved it 5 208

Next

Top comments

Jaxx66 21

Monday 9 January 2012 8:51

Seems like you shouldn't be calling him for a while! Sorry OP, keep up the good work though!

itsbreyo 5

Monday 9 January 2012 8:55

I don't understand why people vote for "you deserve it" on posts like these. Great job OP ;)

Comments

DomoLaDii 8

Monday 9 January 2012 21:28

lol.... wow! really!?

attaboy368 20

Monday 9 January 2012 22:13

we must be related cause that is exactly how my family congratulates each other when they take turns at rehab

chris3113 7

Monday 9 January 2012 23:07

good job staying off... ithere he doesn't want to see u get ahead in life or he's a dumasx

blair_x 12

Tuesday 10 January 2012 1:19

I'm sure he had good intentions, but that's like given someone who's suicidal a gun for their birthday, or something. Maybe suggest taking him out to lunch or something, instead?

moomoomeow2 7

Tuesday 10 January 2012 1:21

I hope you can recover!

ultra_notorious 26

Tuesday 10 January 2012 2:09

hopefully you didn't turn him down, especially if he was buying

hurrican_fml 0

Tuesday 10 January 2012 2:57

Did you go?

zebralover23 14

Tuesday 10 January 2012 5:54

Was he kidding?..

aarslap 5

Tuesday 10 January 2012 6:04

So maybe he wants to help you achieve that you can control yourself by getting 2 drinks and then quitting? See the better side of the person OP...

sissy0004 4

Tuesday 10 January 2012 6:15

Isn't there an fml already like this??

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Keywords

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The Top

Today, I called off my engagement because I fell in love with my best friend of 10 years since we recently reconnected. I confessed my feelings to her and asked her out. She rejected me and said she only sees me as a friend. Now I’m completely single. FML

I agree, your life sucks 275

You deserved it 4 080

Today, I was finishing a conversation with my husband. His phone rang, but he didn't take it. He said, "No, the guy said he was going to call me at 11:30 and it's 11:36. I'll call him in 3 minutes." It was then I realized that I have been the subject of this type of petty control for over 30 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 406

You deserved it 87

The Top

Today, I confessed my feelings to the love of my life. She laughed and said, “Nah, you’re like a brother to me, I can’t see you that way.” This after I drained my wallet for her birthday, brought her flowers and comforted her when her dog passed away, and fixed her car every time it broke down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 332

You deserved it 1 731

Today, my only daughter and her boyfriend sat me down for an important talk. I was thrilled, thinking they were engaged or pregnant. They actually wanted to tell me they're moving half way around the world. FML

I agree, your life sucks 931

You deserved it 172

Today, my Apple Watch notified me that my long-term exposure to loud noises may be dangerous to my hearing. I’ve been crying since my SO left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 969

You deserved it 203

Today, I found out my older brother put tanning lotion in the lotion I use to masturbate with. Now I have orange palms and an orange penis which won't go away for weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 918

You deserved it 46 336

Today, I dropped and snapped a carving knife that’s been in my girlfriend's family for generations, and is used to carve the meat every Christmas. I'm a huge coward, so I hid it back in its box but when it gets taken out again Christmas Day 2022, I think I’m a dead man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 408

You deserved it 1 457

Today, I came home after a two week vacation to find that my wonderful dog had pooped and peed all over my room. My mother was kind enough to dog-sit; however, instead of helping me by cleaning up the horrid mess, she just left me coupons for Glade plug-in air fresheners. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 036

You deserved it 3 871