Miscellaneous: Today, at football practice, a 200lb lineman ended up landing... - FML

By FirstStringQB - 01/10/2011 22:45 - United States

Today, at football practice, a 200lb lineman ended up landing on my stomach. The weight made me shit myself. My new nickname is "Muddbutt". FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 271

You deserved it 4 743

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 21/08/2012 00:46 - United States - Oregon

Today, at football practice, the biggest lineman shouldered me so hard in the groin that my protective cup pushed back with enough force to crack the bone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 805

You deserved it 2 140

By Shameful - 18/01/2012 19:57 - United States

Today, my school's 6'2, 270-pound, 375-pound bench-pressing football superstar knocked me unconscious in one hit. With a dodgeball. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 853

You deserved it 3 786

By Anonymous - 28/04/2009 04:35 - United States

Today, I was at soccer practice. The ground's keeper just aerated the field, and my teammates and I decided to throw the cylindrical clumps of dirt at each other. I got hit in the face with one. It wasn't dirt. It was a clump of wet dog poop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 376

You deserved it 13 547

Always wear camo gear

By Anonymous - 29/06/2024 00:00 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I took a huge shit halfway through my gym workout, one of them half-wet, messy, stuck in your butt hairs. Three rolls and an anus with the feeling of carpet burn later, I proceeded to the bench feeling strong. At the twelfth rep, I sharted, right in my brand new gray pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 368

You deserved it 316

Baywatch

By Jenn - 16/12/2016 00:50

Today, in my lifeguarding course, I had to pull a 200-pound boy out of the pool in an exercise to practice using our legs when lifting. I, being only 90 pounds, tried pulling and ended up falling into the pool, landing with my lady parts on his face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 234

You deserved it 841

By authorsubmit - 04/05/2012 12:49 - United States

Today, I was at the gym trying to impress a hot girl, so I put an extra 30 pounds on the bar, I lowered, pushed... and pooped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 864

You deserved it 47 662

By GoDiarrhea - 04/03/2010 18:52 - Argentina

Today, I came down with sudden diarrhea while at taekwondo practice. I discreetly called my dad for a pickup, but on our way out, he told my instructor that I had to go because I was "shitting my pants with fear". He did this in front of all my classmates. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 466

You deserved it 2 854

By Anonymous - 31/07/2014 05:00 - Australia - Darlinghurst

Today, a new session started for my swimming squad. I walked down to the pool, tripped over a stray equipment bag, and belly-flopped into the pool in front of everyone, fully clothed. I'm the coach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 086

You deserved it 5 105

By DangerZone - 12/11/2009 03:05 - United States

Today, I was playing football for my school. I had the ball and was running down the sideline. The guy behind pulled my flag off along with my shorts and boxers. I dove to try to escape and I happened to land on the hottest girl in the class who was on the sideline. I had no pants on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 950

You deserved it 5 119

By StickyWicket - 14/05/2019 18:00

Today, at work where I'm a physiotherapist, I was helping a patient with lower back pain. While I was massaging him, he shat himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 076

You deserved it 130

Next

Top comments

deviable 9

Sunday 2 October 2011 2:21

Don't worry, at least you're not called Skidmarks.

minder97 10

Sunday 2 October 2011 2:22

hopefully some of your shit got on the guy

Comments

Mrjiggles420 2

Monday 10 October 2011 3:59

hahaha ya im a lineman they call me Mrjiggles for a reason 315 lbs im only 14 years old

tstevenson 0

Wednesday 12 October 2011 2:12

I did that to someone, I'm also a linemen too at 265 playin for noter damn college. We call him skid-mark!

Nederlander95 14

Wednesday 21 May 2014 2:22

I'm gonna go ahead and say you don't because they have academic standards and I'm pretty sure even the dumbest jock athlete at NOTRE DAME can spell their school name right.

Superbad_Al 1

Saturday 15 October 2011 14:02

Ha!

bluebliss9997 0

Monday 17 October 2011 5:45

200lbs made you shit yourself? How much do you weigh? 70? Why are you even playing football then, I mean really, what'd you expect?

awesomelikethat 0

Thursday 10 November 2011 23:51

Heh heh muddbut:)

Sk8trlover19 3

Wednesday 4 April 2012 9:04

What jackasses dude lol that sucks

TwistedShadow 7

Sunday 3 March 2013 21:20

Hit you so hard he made you shit bricks haha

Nederlander95 14

Wednesday 21 May 2014 2:20

200 pounds is a very light lineman, I'd say you got off easy

sbarua219 17

Friday 8 August 2014 16:24

Linemen am I right?

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The Top

Today, I was driving without my seatbelt on, when I noticed a police car approaching. I panicked and desperately fumbled around for my seatbelt, only for them to pass by with just a funny look. Then it hit me that I was riding my motorcycle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 551

You deserved it 49 634

Today, I was been accused of stealing lunches from the fridge at work. I’m a huge germaphobe and would NEVER eat someone else’s food, but because I’m the fattest one in the office, everyone automatically blamed me. Hashtag fatgirlproblems. FML

I agree, your life sucks 508

You deserved it 137

The Top

Have you watched episode 2 yet? Let us know if you had the same reaction!

I agree, your life sucks 444

You deserved it 165

Today, I’m sitting in the ER pissed off at my teenage sons. They’re both violently ill from doing a shot contest to see who could drink the most. Alcohol poisoning? Nope. Caffeine overdose. They lost track of how many shots of espresso they were doing before they started puking and shaking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 217

You deserved it 162

Today, my mother had just got home and we were both in the kitchen. She then starts to get out food and I smelled deviled eggs. Delighted, I asked, "Do I smell deviled eggs?" She turned around laughing and announced she'd farted. I effectively got hungry from my mother’s fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 383

You deserved it 367

Today, I asked the guy I like if he wanted to go to lunch tomorrow at a local restaurant. He replied that he doesn't like their food. I think that's a no. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 584

You deserved it 335

Today, I found a wallet on the train. I called the owner, who said he would come around and pick it up. When he finally did, he looked inside and screamed that his money was missing, and that I was a dirty thief. I never took a cent. He's filing theft charges against me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 440

You deserved it 4 443

Today, my sister outed me to my very conservative parents as retaliation for not taking her to get McDonald’s at 2 a.m. last night. My mom gave me an ultimatum, either "stop the lesbian shit" or get the fuck out of her house. My sister smirked through the whole thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 585

You deserved it 202