Miscellaneous: Today, at the bank, some poor bastard got brutally dumped in...

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By I already have one, thanks - 09/08/2014 05:59 - Australia - Mosman

Today, at the bank, some poor bastard got brutally dumped in front of everyone, prompting some total spastic behind me to cough and mockingly say "Loser!" The guy thought I'd said it, and started shoving me around and threatening to tear me a new asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 342

You deserved it 3 085

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Same thing different taste

Captain Badass

By NotAsToughAsHeThinks - 14/02/2011 03:25 - United States

Today, a man pulled me violently into an alleyway and informed me I was being mugged. Being a body-builder, I said, "Oh yeah? Go on then." He kicked my ass in a matter of seconds, stole my wallet, then farted on my bruised face. He called me a wimp. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 168

You deserved it 54 057

By Anonymous - 03/11/2011 03:58 - United States

Today, I went to the bank to make a deposit. While I was waiting on my transaction, the bank tellers were making fun of me. I could tell cause I heard them through the speaker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 148

You deserved it 2 649

By Marc - 06/02/2012 21:43 - United States

Today, while I was standing in line at the store, some guy insulted the girl in front of me as he walked past. She turned around and socked me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 948

You deserved it 2 192

By Cooper491 - 15/09/2011 21:22 - Australia

Today, I was at a bar with my friend, when I noticed a young lad at a table near to us. I thought it'd be funny to jeer and flick peanuts at him. I went to the restroom, only to come back to my friend face-down on the floor. Turns out the guy fucked him up instead, and now he won't talk to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 236

You deserved it 60 923

By Anonymous - 25/11/2014 20:15 - United States

Today, as I walked into the bank, I tripped and bumped into a security guard. He thought I was assaulting him, so he pinned me to the floor and called for backup as he held me at gunpoint. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 953

You deserved it 3 141

Mind melting

By Ashley - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Belmont

Today, a friend thought it would be funny to shove me over; I face-planted. I was going to say "Fuck you" and "I will kill you." It came out as "I will fuck you." He's still laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 608

You deserved it 8 216

By anon - 05/04/2017 04:00

Today, a guy grabbed my ass at the mall. I whirled around and went to sock him. He ducked and I accidentally hit the elderly woman standing behind him in the face. To say all hell broke loose would be an understatement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 714

You deserved it 762

By Anonymous - 28/12/2014 00:22 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was waiting in line while a lady paid for her shopping, when her credit card got declined. She started ranting and insulting everyone and kept insisting: "I'm not poor!" By the time the lady had finally stormed off, I had spittle on my face, and the cashier was almost in tears. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 158

You deserved it 2 643

Hey lady! Chill!

By Anonymous - 25/08/2011 21:17 - United States

Today, I was out shopping when an old lady bumped into me and dropped her purse. Trying to help, I bent over to pick it up, at which point she battered the shit out of me, called me a "filthy thief" and threatened to open an umbrella in my ass. What the fuck has the world come to? FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 392

You deserved it 3 039

By notadoorman - 25/07/2014 18:16 - United States - Elmont

Today, I held the door open for a woman and her kids on my way out of the bank. She started accusing me of patronizing her, and when I just let go of the door in protest, she deliberately leaned in so it hit her in the face. I felt the glares from the entire bank as she pretended to cry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 157

You deserved it 4 039

Dre27 20

Saturday 9 August 2014 16:40

Did his girlfriend dump him for being gay? A man tearing another mans asshole sounds a bit strange.

revan546 24

Saturday 9 August 2014 16:42

I believe that would lead to said tearing of a new asshole

Comments

pussystank 18

Saturday 9 August 2014 21:07

"Tear you a new asshole" lol European insults are the best.

Colibrius_fml 5

Saturday 9 August 2014 22:36

It seems that OP is from Australia. Not really Europe.

worldclassrager 39

Saturday 9 August 2014 21:55

Alright I don't exactly understand this but if I am way off just down vote me... If you were in front of him wouldn't the person saying that behind him actually get the threat? Unless you were behind him and the one behind you said it? Just give me a follow up so I can understand

funnybunny3647 4

Saturday 9 August 2014 22:53

should of kicked him in the nuts and then face him to the other guy!!!!!!!!!

tbon3r 15

Sunday 10 August 2014 1:59

well that could have been shifty...

nevermindthemind 18

Sunday 10 August 2014 2:26

tell him to first demonstrate on himself

jeragonm 15

Sunday 10 August 2014 5:41

Or was it really you? We know the ole "my friend" stories

LexiDaBae 17

Sunday 10 August 2014 15:30

You should've knocked him on his ass. If he didn't believe you and started beating you, I think you have a right to self defense. Then when he's lying on the floor in pain, that's when you walk out with his ex like a badass.