Love: Today, during a date, I discovered that if I cough with my mouth...

By Anonymous - 29/01/2013 21:23 - United States - Burlington

Today, during a date, I discovered that if I cough with my mouth closed, snot will spray from my nose all over the place like some kind of mucus cannon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 469

You deserved it 6 912

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Same thing different taste

Hott

By hotheadslav - 21/06/2015 01:59 - United States - Warsaw

Today, I was on a date with a girl and everything was going great. As I took her back to her house and walked her to her door, I leaned in for a kiss. She seemed to really enjoy it, so I went for another but as I leaned in again, I sneezed uncontrollably, shooting her face with saliva and snot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 923

You deserved it 4 504

By stoych - 08/10/2012 07:14 - United Kingdom

Today, after a great first date, he leaned in to kiss me. I held my breath slightly. This resulted in me breathing out through my nose, blowing a huge snot bubble, which then burst on his face. He looked at me in horror and walked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 094

You deserved it 5 961

By Noname - 05/03/2009 19:44 - Canada

Today, at the dentist, I was getting my teeth cleaned. Looking up at his nose, I saw runny snot dripping onto his lip. I tried to slowly move away. He told me "Stop!" The movement of his lips caused the snot to fall right into my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 537 563

You deserved it 53 183

By sneezer - 30/12/2008 04:54 - France

Today, while kissing my girlfriend's neck, I sneezed a blob of snot onto her. She told me that "it doesn't matter", while hiccuping a bit of vomit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 175

You deserved it 7 036

Language of love

By TheGirl - 23/11/2009 21:11 - United States

Today, I was snuggling with my boyfriend on the couch. We ended up falling asleep, and when I woke up I felt a slobberly substance running down my face. It turns out, my boyfriend drooled so much, it filled my ear and overflowed onto my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 386

You deserved it 3 951

By Achoo - 15/10/2009 07:07 - United States

Today, I was making out with a guy I really like. Midway through, he stopped and said he had to sneeze. After waiting several seconds, he said the urge went away and we kept making out. Ten seconds later, he violently sneezed in my open mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 906

You deserved it 5 152

What's that?

By breebree-0 - 04/03/2012 19:36 - United States

Today, I sneezed while at the office. I felt snot shoot out, but I couldn't see anything on the tissue. I ignored it and went on with my day. When I went to the bathroom hours later, I noticed a huge wad of snot had dried onto the front of my shirt. No one told me about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 178

You deserved it 4 403

By BoogieCandy. - 23/10/2009 08:56 - Canada

Today, at work, I was standing at the till helping an attractive man. I have a cold and could feel the snot bubbling up. He orders and we flirt for a bit. Just as I'm about to hand him his product, I sneeze quite loudly and forcefully all over his face. Guess I won't be getting that number. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 435

You deserved it 8 585

Better out than in

By Anonymous - 27/11/2022 06:00

Today, I’ve had a blocked nose for weeks, so when I sneezed I partially dislodged a massive solid booger. It was so big and thick, I had to grab it and pull it the rest of the way out. I was on a first date at the time, and he left before I got back from the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 961

You deserved it 204

By Anonymous - 08/07/2012 11:26 - Australia

Today, I witnessed my boyfriend sneeze in his hands, and then lick it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 114

You deserved it 3 501

CueTheMusic 22

Wednesday 30 January 2013 1:12

That's snot very good!

Pleonasm 35

Wednesday 30 January 2013 1:14

Sounds like a sure-Fire way to booger- I mean bugger up a good date.

Comments

herecomestheFMLs 12

Wednesday 30 January 2013 8:24

At least you can breath mucus free now.

marxistbkly 3

Wednesday 30 January 2013 8:24

With great power comes great responsibility.

KB616 11

Wednesday 30 January 2013 11:25

Well it's gotta go somewhere. Genius.

katties 27

Wednesday 30 January 2013 12:03

Ugh, no no no! Wth dude?! That's a nasty mental image!!!

BobbieH 19

Wednesday 30 January 2013 14:38

The air has to go somewhere. What did you expect to happen?

Jordanln97 9

Wednesday 30 January 2013 14:59

Thanks for the mental image

skyeyez9 24

Wednesday 30 January 2013 16:55

At least it didn't hit your date?

schalk 12

Wednesday 30 January 2013 18:56

snails anyone?

ummmmsoyah 5

Thursday 31 January 2013 1:03

Well I'm sure that date ended nicely;)

Geary519 20

Thursday 31 January 2013 4:09

bill please.... lol

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The Top

Today, my nosey louse of a coworker went to HR and told them I was snorting drugs at my desk. I was using nasal saline, as the dry winter weather wreaks havoc on my sinuses. The fact that they even brought me in pisses me off beyond words. FML

I agree, your life sucks 455

You deserved it 73

Today, my company told me that they refuse to buy me new safety footwear without a doctor's note, because my shoe size is three sizes smaller than the minimum size my company provides. I actually have to get my doctor to prove my shoe size. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 525

You deserved it 1 300

The Top

Today, my boyfriend of five years gave me the silent treatment, refusing to talk to me or do anything more than glare at me during the entire three hour drive we took this morning. Why? Because I slept with his best friend. In his dream last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 527

You deserved it 51

Today, I opened the preheated oven to discover the chicken casserole I made last week is now sludge. The freshly toasted maggots are scattered all over the oven. I took the casserole out, but didn't have my glasses on to see the maggots before placing the pan of biscuits inside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 149

You deserved it 1 017

Today, I woke up lying on the ground outside with a horrible headache. I camped out in my tree house last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 685

You deserved it 10 038

Today, my kids made a mess in the kitchen while trying to make breakfast in bed for me. The mess was bigger than the breakfast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 702

You deserved it 213

Today, I was playing around with my sister's kitten. As a joke, I put him underneath the sheets and farted. He attacked my nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 975

You deserved it 416 916

Today, I found my son's dead goldfish. Apparently, when it died he didn't flush it. Instead he placed it in one of my socks, placed that sock in a jar, and set the jar in the back of my closet. The fish has been dead for over a month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 526

You deserved it 2 858