Animals: Today, I again had to quietly sneak in through my bedroom window....

By Anonymous - 21/06/2013 14:28 - United States

Today, I again had to quietly sneak in through my bedroom window. I don't live with my parents. I go through my window because my cat thinks everyone who walks in through the door at night is a burglar or something and attacks them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 257

You deserved it 11 322

Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Rude awakening

By Anonymous - 11/06/2021 16:01

Today, I experienced the fright of a lifetime when I woke up and heard my bedroom door opening. Fearing that there was an intruder, I picked up a bat and opened the door, ready to whack the mystery intruder. There was no one there. No one, except my cat, who apparently knows how to open doors now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 837

You deserved it 140

Scaredy cat

By amazinghermit - 25/11/2014 04:21 - United Kingdom - Glasgow

Today, I spent an hour in my car terrified to go inside because I thought my house was being burgled. I saw rapid shadows in the light of my lounge. Eventually I plucked up the courage to creep inside with a rock to find it wasn't a robber. It was my cats, fighting in front of a toppled lamp. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 194

You deserved it 6 579

Get back here!

By Anonymous - 14/10/2024 06:00 - United States

Today, I left my apartment window open for some fresh air. When I returned, my idiot cat was on the balcony staring at me... from my neighbor’s apartment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 200

You deserved it 361

Grounded

By cock sauce - 09/06/2012 21:15 - Switzerland - Luzern

Today, I snuck out of the house for a night on the town. When I got back, I found all the doors and windows bolted shut. My sister's laughing face at my bedroom window suggests I'll be spending the rest of the night outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 379

You deserved it 29 664

Paranoid

By Anonymous - 10/03/2023 06:00

Today, after I was locked out of my apartment, I went down the leaf-filled ravine behind the building to get to the fire escape ladder, climbed up four stories and over the balcony, then wiggled through the window on my stomach onto the living room floor. Now I'm back inside and paranoid about robbers doing the same. FML

I agree, your life sucks 787

You deserved it 220

By breeeeeh - 21/06/2013 22:18 - France - Brou-sur-chantereine

Today, I woke up to a stranger in my bed. Just as my parents responded to my screaming, I remembered that I'd helped my boyfriend sneak in through my window last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 681

You deserved it 69 958

Cat people

By I’ll never see them again - 13/10/2022 08:00 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my cat tried to escape when I opened my front door. I noticed that whenever I start babbling and making random sounds, he stops dead and just stares at me in confusion, before walking back in. With my luck, however, this time my neighbor heard everything. They walked quickly away, as if they'd seen a ghost. FML

I agree, your life sucks 825

You deserved it 209

Caught

By Anonymous - 25/10/2015 02:47 - United States - Apollo

Today, I woke up to noises in my living room. I was scared, but I loaded my gun and snuck downstairs. I burst into the living room, yelled for the motherfucker robbing me to put his hands up, and flicked on the light. My cat stared back at me like I was a moron then calmly walked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 615

You deserved it 7 922

Goddamn cat!

By Anonymous - 22/08/2024 00:00 - United States - Monsey

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom and I noticed the balcony door was open. As I went to go close it, I swear I saw my cat wondering outside and I panicked. Long story short, I locked myself out searching for the cat and the next thing I knew, he was meowing at me from the balcony a few feet above me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 309

You deserved it 185

By valene5687 - 27/01/2016 05:20 - United States - Gretna

Today, I was locked out of my house. With no other available option, I decided to try and ninja my way through a window. However, as it turns out, I would make a terrible ninja. I now have a sprained ankle and a broken window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 396

You deserved it 5 449

rg350dx 29

Friday 21 June 2013 18:56

You should buy one of those attack dog suits the police use to train their dogs. You'd be invincible! Or a giant scratching post..

chris274 8

Friday 21 June 2013 18:57

Your cat's just protecting you, and itself from cat burglars.

Comments

ThePez828 18

Friday 21 June 2013 23:22

Sounds like you don't play with your cat enough. They lash out when they have too much unspent energy...

rec_chem 22

Friday 21 June 2013 23:23

I suggest a new cat.

mwek3 11

Friday 21 June 2013 23:27

You should check out Jackson Galaxy from the show "My cat from Hell" - he's very knowledgeable and could probably help u figure out who he does that and how to correct the behavior.

Sacytrl 28

Friday 21 June 2013 23:48

You get to train those ninja skills of yours!

TheWorldGreatest 8

Saturday 22 June 2013 0:14

Sorry but the cat owns you!

Xotoolyxo 16

Saturday 22 June 2013 0:30

You're whipped by your cat

nature_girl_08 14

Saturday 22 June 2013 1:20

oh, yikes! If I were you, I'd invest in a large cage to put him into before you leave if you know you won't be back before nightfall.

TheyCallMeDamien 17

Saturday 22 June 2013 1:35

Guard cat.

dmattimeoj 12

Saturday 22 June 2013 1:48

i agree with the people who have suggested a water bottle. just get a spray bottle and leave it outside your door to arm yourself with when you get home. a few times yelling "NO!" while giving that cat a couple squirts to the face as you walk in should teach it pretty quickly not to do that. you will be using your door again in no time. afterall, if you can get in through an unlocked window any intruder can too.