By marcranger - 11/08/2014 23:40 - United States - Denver

Today, I attended a family gathering. My cousin's new baby was being passed around. By way of politely declining to hold it, I meant to say that I looked forward to getting to know it better once it could talk. What I blurted out instead was, "I can't wait until it resembles a human being." FML
I agree, your life sucks 38 302
You deserved it 16 467

marcranger tells us more.

marcranger 28

Hey all, OP here! Glad to see I made some of you laugh...I wish I could say the same about my cousin, his wife, and my aunt and uncle (the proud first-time grandparents)! At least my dad, who I was staying with for this event (I live up in the mountains, but this was in Denver), laughed his ass off when everyone else was out of earshot and said he honestly felt the same way (and since I was a baby once...thanks, Dad?). Oh, well. At the very least, I think the new parents will avoid me like the plague at future gatherings, even ones specifically planned to honor the new addition (oops), and this might get my relatives to back off about when exactly I'm making my own contribution to the family line.

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Top comments

Lolzords 11

Shouldn't be passing a baby around at a party anyway, it's not a joint

428 8
purplebabytacos1 14

Well you won't be holding that baby for a while.

311 4

Comments

dipshitpoopyhead 7

babies are disgusting things I'm sure no one blamed you for the truth

12 14
marcranger 28

While I agree with you, I don't think the baby's parents or grandparents do. I'll have to see if Hallmark sells a "sorry I questioned the species of your bundle of joy" card this week.

22 2
octinate 17

I'd have just laughed if someone said that about my baby, not get all offended and hissy.

9 1
Arwen_Evenstar 37

You must have a custom card site, lime moonpig?

0 0
scarymommabear1 9

lol I think if someone said that about my daughter i would probably be like yeah me too...

0 0
RabbitOfAurora 28

Relax OP, babies aren't for everyone be it their own (not having kids) or other peoples. There's nothing wrong not wanting to hold one, in fact I'm the kind of person that can only hold them for maybe five minutes before I'm like "Okay, yeah. You can have him/her back" What I do find nice though is maybe stroking their hair/scalp or letting them grab my finger with their teeny tiny fists. Poking them in their chubby cheeks and so on. Also all the non-physical stuff like making faces at them and what not.

11 2
amisenho 11

Dude, you can make it through 5 minutes? I'm lucky if I can manage 5 seconds without having a breakdown.

5 1
talicaroxi 25

I think all babies resemble out og date potatoes cry pee eat and pooing old potatoes. and that's coming from a mum of 5 haha

7 2
siggy_mcsigx 22

out of date potatoes, with sprouts coming out and everything??

6 1
miss_amphetamine 24

Ew. I hate holding babies. I think they're gross and more so, I'm afraid I'll accidentally drop it. I'm sure if I ever had one myself I wouldn't want anyone else to hold it because I'd be afraid they'd drop it, too, so I don't really understand the logic behind that apparent social custom.

14 3
octinate 17

They are not any less human than you or I. What's with calling baby's 'it'? Are they inanimate objects? I think I'm going to start calling fully grown people 'it' from now on.

6 13
HylianTwilight 21

#75 Referring a baby as it seems proper. Say that I'm planning a child. I can't say she, can I? I won't know if the baby will be a she...Same with 'he'. It's an easier way of saying he/she in this situation. There is no specified gender, so the baby's going to be 'it' until further notice. I do the same with babies and dogs if I don't know their gender.

12 1
miss_amphetamine 24

I referred to the baby as "it" because OP did, and so therefore I don't know the gender in this context. I don't have babies of my own, so referred to hypothetical future one that may or may never exist "it" simply because there isn't a gender-neutral pronoun reserved for human beings.

1 1
Nm_fml 10

It's very telling that you refer to a baby as "it".

9 18
hellopastashell 6

That's exactly what I was thinking. The fact that OP referred to the child as "it" instead of he or she shows something about their character.

5 20
marcranger 28

That my character doesn't like babies? Guilty as charged!

20 3
mosquito19 14

that's a great way to get a new born baby really sick.

9 2
marcranger 28

I've used the "I have a cold/flu/no soap and water in my house" excuse before, but the problem is I'd already used it twice this summer at other events my family was also attending. I figured it was time to come clean about why I will be avoiding the hell out if this and all future babies, I just managed to do so in the worst way imaginable.

6 1
fonkimonki 7

I wonder if you have a problem - the baby is he or she, not it, and calling the baby 'it' suggests you don't think of it as a human being. That's where your unfortunate words come from. However, everyone makes mistakes, don't let this become a big deal. Just apologise and get involved again

2 19
cjwayy 22

Why are you calling the baby "it"?

2 14
marcranger 28

It seems weird to me to refer to a child by a specific gender pronoun before it actually resembles that specific gender. I do the same thing with animals I don't know personally, which I'm sure isn't helping my case.

12 1
Arwen_Evenstar 37

I've just realised I understand that with the children more than the animals...

4 1
oceaneyes213 21

I don't like babies much either. I hate how everyone acts like I must be some evil demon for not wanting to hold it/be around it constantly.

16 0
andreaor 7

how do you "mistakenly" say something like that?

1 12