Animals: Today, I awoke to find a giant turd on my carpet, cat hair everywhere... - FML

By Ethan - 17/10/2009 11:13 - United States

Today, I awoke to find a giant turd on my carpet, cat hair everywhere in my room, and a big hole in my window screen. I don't own a cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 109

You deserved it 2 404

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Curious...

By 16Charlie5 - 19/05/2018 15:00

Today, I woke to the smell of poop in my apartment. I went to investigate and found out a cat had pooped in my living room. I don’t have a cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 712

You deserved it 289

By maggotsinmycarpet - 12/07/2010 20:56 - United States

Today, I was cleaning my room when I found a nice surprise from my cat. While I was on vacation, she killed a mouse. By the time I found it, there were maggots crawling in my carpet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 504

You deserved it 5 121

Sweep sweep

By PghSportsNation - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I awoke to my cat with micro pellets all over him. He'd destroyed a pillow containing them, and now there are thousands of these pellets throughout the entire house. My vacuum is broken. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 871

You deserved it 4 477

By RustyBulletHole - 04/02/2009 07:53 - United States

Today, I got up at 5am, brushed my teeth, shaved and showered to get ready for work only to step barefoot in a huge pile of dog crap in the middle of my living room floor. I don't own a dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 169

You deserved it 2 358

It just gets worse

By Anonymous - 30/03/2023 04:00

Today, I woke up to find that my cat had barfed all over my laptop's keyboard and screen, filling each nook and cranny of the stuff. As if that wasn't bad enough, when I went to make coffee to deal with the stress, I found that I was out of coffee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 672

You deserved it 210

By Anonymous - 10/02/2013 01:39 - United States - Decatur

Today, I came home from a two-week vacation. When I walked into my house, I found cat poop everywhere. It took me several hours to clean it all up, and the house still smells terrible. The worst part is that I've never owned a cat in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 461

You deserved it 2 407

The Lovecats

By Anonymous - 30/08/2021 09:01 - United States - Springfield

Today, my cat woke me up by vomiting a big, warm, stinky hairball on my neck and then left. I think she was smiling as she trotted away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 893

You deserved it 188

By GrossedOut - 11/01/2012 07:47 - United States

Today, my roommate finally cleaned her cat's very full litter box. I later found our only good spatula crusted with kitty feces, which she'd left on the kitchen counter for me to find. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 940

You deserved it 2 423

By crazycatlady - 24/08/2016 09:43 - United States - Ashland

Today, I woke up with my cat's asshole planted firmly on my forehead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 189

You deserved it 1 577

By danjoylovefun - 25/10/2010 00:36 - United States

Today, I woke up to shit on my floor and my cat hiding under my comforter. I have to get rid of my new fish because my cat is afraid of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 631

You deserved it 3 478

Next

Top comments

LemonadePink 0

Saturday 17 October 2009 20:24

Maybe you transform into a cat at night and have no recollection of this. Mystery solved.

sarah2144 14

Saturday 17 October 2009 19:59

FYL. That's disgusting.

Comments

suffertheseason 0

Sunday 18 October 2009 4:35

I'm with #29. How do you really know if it was a cat?

allmidnighteyes 10

Sunday 18 October 2009 5:08

Damn Animorphs.

Pointy130 0

Sunday 18 October 2009 5:33

Yeah. a cat once got into my garage via window screen, climbed up my car (leaving claw scratches) and into a half open window just so it could shit half-eaten mouse guts on my seat.

Allymeme 3

Sunday 18 October 2009 6:52

Sorry about that... you see, I turn into a cat at night, and then break into peoples houses. Normally I don't take a shit, but I couldn't hold it in. I was just shocked to come onto FML to see someone post about it. I'll be careful next time... but normally I don't break in the same house twice.

wajalama 0

Sunday 18 October 2009 7:02

sounds like garfield had a bad stomachache from all that lasagna.

PSyesinthatway 0

Sunday 18 October 2009 7:53

cats are gay

draken389 1

Saturday 9 July 2011 5:24

so are u dumbass

thatsozay 0

Sunday 18 October 2009 20:17

sounds like a raccoon not a cat

daniivanity 0

Sunday 18 October 2009 21:15

your neighborhood has mutant cats.

luvbird1 0

Monday 19 October 2009 1:22

meybe you should get a cat or dog to keep the other cat out!

Giselle468 0

Monday 19 October 2009 7:11

I laughed so hard at this. I mean really?! WTF!

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The Top

Today, my boyfriend started to suck on my boob, which I quite enjoy, until he said he was breastfeeding and called me "Mummy". I don't think I can ever let his mouth near my boobs ever again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 006

You deserved it 3 398

Today, I learned that I actually like my boiled eggs a bit softer than I usually make them. I also learned that an outwardly lukewarm egg, when bitten into enthusiastically, is perfectly capable of creating a volcanic eruption of boiling hot yolk all over your hands, clothes and kitchen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 645

You deserved it 413

The Top

Today, I realized I've lived alone for so long, I now apologize to my phone for dropping it, or even over-charging it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 689

You deserved it 181

Today, I'm considering working as an escort again, to get some human closeness, have interesting conversations and feel wanted and appreciated. I'm actually in a steady relationship; I guess it’s not a very good one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 982

You deserved it 721

Today, my 15-year-old son told me that he and his new girlfriend are deeply in love and are meant for each other. The "girlfriend" in question? My fiancé's 12-year old daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 578

You deserved it 5 779

Today, I babysat for two little girls, who wanted to play 'mermaids'. I smiled, and said that I would love to play with them. The older girl laughed, saying "You can't be a mermaid. Mermaids are pretty." FML

I agree, your life sucks 84 447

You deserved it 5 142

Today, while watching TV at my mother's house, a tornado warning came across the screen. After being in the dark, nasty basement for half an hour, my mom realized she was watching a recorded show, and that tornado warning was for 2 weeks ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 235

You deserved it 5 058

Today, I was enjoying a nice bath, when one of my cats jumped up on the rim and started purring. I thought it was sweet, until my other cat ran in and body-slammed the first into the tub with me. Being a conscientious cat owner, I hadn't de-clawed them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 150

You deserved it 6 733