Animals: Today, I awoke to find a giant turd on my carpet, cat hair everywhere... - FML

By Ethan - 17/10/2009 11:13 - United States

Today, I awoke to find a giant turd on my carpet, cat hair everywhere in my room, and a big hole in my window screen. I don't own a cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 109

You deserved it 2 404

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Same thing different taste

Curious...

By 16Charlie5 - 19/05/2018 15:00

Today, I woke to the smell of poop in my apartment. I went to investigate and found out a cat had pooped in my living room. I don’t have a cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 712

You deserved it 289

By maggotsinmycarpet - 12/07/2010 20:56 - United States

Today, I was cleaning my room when I found a nice surprise from my cat. While I was on vacation, she killed a mouse. By the time I found it, there were maggots crawling in my carpet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 504

You deserved it 5 121

Sweep sweep

By PghSportsNation - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I awoke to my cat with micro pellets all over him. He'd destroyed a pillow containing them, and now there are thousands of these pellets throughout the entire house. My vacuum is broken. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 871

You deserved it 4 477

By RustyBulletHole - 04/02/2009 07:53 - United States

Today, I got up at 5am, brushed my teeth, shaved and showered to get ready for work only to step barefoot in a huge pile of dog crap in the middle of my living room floor. I don't own a dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 169

You deserved it 2 358

It just gets worse

By Anonymous - 30/03/2023 04:00

Today, I woke up to find that my cat had barfed all over my laptop's keyboard and screen, filling each nook and cranny of the stuff. As if that wasn't bad enough, when I went to make coffee to deal with the stress, I found that I was out of coffee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 672

You deserved it 210

By Anonymous - 10/02/2013 01:39 - United States - Decatur

Today, I came home from a two-week vacation. When I walked into my house, I found cat poop everywhere. It took me several hours to clean it all up, and the house still smells terrible. The worst part is that I've never owned a cat in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 461

You deserved it 2 407

The Lovecats

By Anonymous - 30/08/2021 09:01 - United States - Springfield

Today, my cat woke me up by vomiting a big, warm, stinky hairball on my neck and then left. I think she was smiling as she trotted away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 893

You deserved it 188

By GrossedOut - 11/01/2012 07:47 - United States

Today, my roommate finally cleaned her cat's very full litter box. I later found our only good spatula crusted with kitty feces, which she'd left on the kitchen counter for me to find. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 940

You deserved it 2 423

By crazycatlady - 24/08/2016 09:43 - United States - Ashland

Today, I woke up with my cat's asshole planted firmly on my forehead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 189

You deserved it 1 577

By danjoylovefun - 25/10/2010 00:36 - United States

Today, I woke up to shit on my floor and my cat hiding under my comforter. I have to get rid of my new fish because my cat is afraid of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 631

You deserved it 3 478

Next

Top comments

LemonadePink 0

Saturday 17 October 2009 20:24

Maybe you transform into a cat at night and have no recollection of this. Mystery solved.

sarah2144 14

Saturday 17 October 2009 19:59

FYL. That's disgusting.

Comments

Giselle468 0

Monday 19 October 2009 7:16

What the hell?

Rijii 0

Monday 19 October 2009 9:07

I laughed so hard. NINJA-GHOST CAT!

BrotherTheo 31

Tuesday 20 October 2009 20:17

Actually I agree with 52. It sounds a lot more like Raccoons then cats. Was there food around the room?

epiclol 0

Wednesday 21 October 2009 0:38

yeah invest in goats, it was obviously a chupacabra.

Roberto22 0

Thursday 22 October 2009 22:43

These people who are saying racoons are to blame are wrong... i have another, better theory. In your sleep ur raped and skinned a cat then felt the need to squeeze one out right there. Ive heard about this before...

beachblondeex13 0

Sunday 8 August 2010 21:29

this is why i hate cats. fyl!

chewbacca69 0

Saturday 4 September 2010 13:10

I like crapping on carpet

Emmy1107 0

Saturday 23 July 2011 7:26

now you do haha!

Emmy1107 0

Saturday 23 July 2011 7:28

what obviously happened was: there was a stray cat prowling around your window was open and the cat either saw or smelt something in your house that interested it so it busted through your screen

ZeroIce 12

Wednesday 21 March 2012 3:14

how'd you know its cat hair?

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You deserved it 23

Today, after two months of being broken up, and my ex still insisting she hadn't been cheating on me, I declared via text my intention to burn the rest of her stuff in the yard. This resulted in the guy she "hadn't been cheating on me with" kicking in my door. FML

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The Top

Today, I received my soccer team jacket that I ordered a month ago. Trying to save money, I'd selected the "No name" option to avoid an extra $20 embroidering fee. My jacket now has "NO NAME" spelled out on the side of it, and I was charged the extra $20 dollars after all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 858

You deserved it 7 932

Today, I was trying to give my friend a present for his birthday. Unfortunately, he and most of my friends are loud extroverts. After what seemed like an hour of waiting for them to shut their pie holes so I could give my present to him, I just left it on the table and walked out. No one even noticed I was gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 976

You deserved it 347

Today, the Chinese student I've been teaching English to got on stage in front of hundreds of people to read her final essay. She ended with, "What a fucking day." I don't swear, and I no longer have a job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 363

You deserved it 2 864

Today, I helped a very large elderly man, who thanked me and tried to hand me a dollar bill. I kindly told him, "We are not allowed to accept tips from customers." His reply was, "You're going to take this fucking money," and shoved it in my pocket. I'm now being written up for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 694

You deserved it 2 955

Today, in physics class, my teacher was messing around with an air cannon and I accidentally blurted out, "Blow me!" It took me all of 5 seconds to realize why everyone was laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 753

You deserved it 1 645

Today, my new online college class about Asian and Pacific American studies is teaching us how to write mini essays, not how to include Asian and Pacific Americans. FML

I agree, your life sucks 296

You deserved it 470