Kids: Today, I came home from work, only to find the babysitter passed...

By diddlebuag - 27/05/2011 22:09 - United States

Today, I came home from work, only to find the babysitter passed out on the couch with a bottle of Jack Daniel's. At some point, it seems my son had taken the liberty of peeing on her while she slept. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 045

You deserved it 6 250

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Same thing different taste

What happened?

By ....ew - 05/04/2024 09:00 - United States

Today, after a short trip out of town, I came back late at night to the yard clean, the house swept and mopped, all the laundry done, and my son asleep. I was thrilled with my boyfriend, until I found him passed out, covered in spilled beer and piss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 418

You deserved it 169

By myself - 30/01/2012 05:24 - Canada

Today, I came home to the nanny passed out on the couch from too much alcohol, my 2-year-old alone and locked in the bathroom, and my house in a complete wreck. To top it off, it's the day my mother-in-law, who hates me, is coming to visit from New York. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 362

You deserved it 3 959

By Noname - 09/03/2009 23:36 - Canada

Today, I was babysitting my co-worker's son. He was eating Jell-o and spilled it on his top, so I pulled off his PJ's, and went in his room to grab a new pair. I heard a thunk and ran to find him out cold on the floor. His parents walked in on me trying to wake up their naked 3 year-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 012

You deserved it 6 062

Bad babysitter

By cantprovenothing - 18/04/2014 21:31 - United States - Arlington

Today, I was babysitting a 9-year-old kid, when she got thirsty and asked for a drink. All I could find was some kind of Mexican fruit drink, but I didn't realize until too late that it was actually hard liquor. I had to scrub her mouth out with toothpaste and put her to bed to cover it all up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 625

You deserved it 48 840

By TCRII - 19/01/2019 16:00

Today, my girlfriend came over, drank half a bottle of Jack Daniels and pissed in my sink. I broke up with her and went out with friends. I met a woman and brought her home to watch a movie. She drank a bottle of wine and puked on my couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 417

You deserved it 3 818

By Anonymous - 12/05/2009 03:43 - United States

Today, I was babysitting a really bratty little girl. She came and cuddled up on the couch so I took it as an apology. I feel asleep while she was sitting with me and when I woke up she had peed on me. She locked herself in her room and was laughing about peeing on me for discipling her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 728

You deserved it 7 587

By Failed Parent - 11/10/2012 06:59 - United States

Today, as I was about to leave for work, my 16-year-old son stumbled home in nothing but his underwear and pink cowboy boots. He threw his hands in the air, yelled, "BOTTLE SIP BOTTLE GUZZLE," promptly threw up and passed out in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 935

You deserved it 4 640

By sadmommy - 23/04/2012 22:51 - United States - Keller

Today, I discovered that last night, my son snuck downstairs at 3am, drank two glasses of my very expensive wine, threw up on his bed, and then slept in his own vomit. My son is 14. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 551

You deserved it 6 202

By don'tdrinkthat - 03/11/2013 22:27 - United States - Quincy

Today, I came home to find my 14-year-old son attempting to get drunk off aftershave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 267

You deserved it 4 825

By eggnoodles - 13/12/2009 05:44 - United States

Today, I woke up to find myself drenched in piss after a long night of drinking. I immediately sprang into action, tossing my bedding in the washer and hopping into the shower. Running late for work, I threw on a nice dress and got into my car. Guess who also peed in the drivers seat? FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 007

You deserved it 53 187

Freeze_fml 16

Saturday 28 May 2011 1:27

Sounds like a fair payment.

Soloman212 28

Saturday 28 May 2011 1:27

Well he was trying to wake her up! Or mark his territory... one of the two.

Comments

1221jamw 11

Saturday 28 May 2011 1:53

smart son

TylersMB 0

Saturday 28 May 2011 1:55

thats gross. but hey maybe the kid set her up to get her fired.

balest22 0

Saturday 28 May 2011 1:55

why the **** do u need a babysitter u poor ass *****?

eradonnes 0

Saturday 28 May 2011 1:58

maybe she works u idiot.trying to not be a poor ass *****

Egnar 19

Saturday 28 May 2011 1:59

What does having a babysitter have to do with being poor?

trainheartnet 1

Saturday 28 May 2011 2:06

Shut up

stevenmx86 7

Saturday 28 May 2011 1:59

I agree she deserves to have been peed on.. Sorry that your baby sitter didn't work out though

trainheartnet 1

Saturday 28 May 2011 2:02

Funny as heck

Ieatpeople17 0

Saturday 28 May 2011 2:05

Good

CustomMisery 1

Saturday 28 May 2011 2:07

go little dude!

kouklistax3 2

Saturday 28 May 2011 2:14

your son is my hero. but saying that makes me feel like a creep considering he's not old enough to stay home alone.

pinkspaceboundro 0

Saturday 28 May 2011 2:16

no ma'am- I would have woke her ass up only to knock her ass back out!!!

alisa162 0

Saturday 28 May 2011 3:38

Bahaha! :)

dodgingflames 7

Sunday 29 May 2011 10:14

for reallll

kobeford 0

Saturday 28 May 2011 2:25

well next time don't hire Ke$ha to watch your kids!

kut19 6

Saturday 28 May 2011 3:34

this is the third Ke$ha comment.

IHeartJimi02 0

Saturday 28 May 2011 4:59

why does everyone keep saying Kesha? Just because she drank jack Daniels?

Keywords

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The Top

Today, while trying to sleep after a night shift, workers came to hook up city sewage service, firing up drills and shouting. An hour later, my child woke me up to tattle on her sister. Just as I was drifting to sleep yet again, the smoke alarm battery started chirping. I give up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 350

You deserved it 227

Today, my boyfriend was complaining about his kids being hard to handle. He repeatedly said the other day that if he had a woman to help then maybe it wouldn’t be so hard. I don’t really know how to take that, since I’ve said multiple times I’m willing to meet them. I feel like I’m too close, to soon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 904

You deserved it 177

The Top

Today, I woke up from the most sensual dream I've had in months. Unfortunately, despite it being better than any action I've had in a long time, the dream was about me fucking a donut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 337

You deserved it 4 027

Today, I took a bath because I couldn't get my left arm wet due to a minor medical procedure. My roommates decided to barge in to the bathroom and ruthlessly pelt me with flour. Not only did I find out flour burns the eyes, but the shock caused me to slip and submerge my arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 092

You deserved it 3 099

Today, while teaching swim lessons, a boy was holding a noodle and claimed it was his fishing rod. Trying to be fun, I grabbed on and told him to "reel" me in. He then yells out 'YAY, I caught a whale!'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 161

You deserved it 12 400

Today, my sister asked me to babysit so they could have date night, AKA sex without children in the house. I have a major surgery tomorrow and am in no fit mental state for three children under 10, so I said no. She called me an inconsiderate prick and slammed my door, breaking the glass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 623

You deserved it 145

Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend why I'd be angry if he had a foursome with 3 other people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 701

You deserved it 5 649

Today, my car broke down. My dad insisted he could fix it, but screwed up in the process. After finally getting the car towed to a mechanic, I was told that I'd only needed a new water pump, but thanks to the damage my dad did, fixing it all will cost me a small fortune. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 998

You deserved it 3 792

Same thing different taste

What happened?

Bad babysitter

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