Intimacy: Today, I came home from working twelve hours straight. Feeling...

By BlueBallMcGee - 11/05/2009 12:08 - United States

Today, I came home from working twelve hours straight. Feeling rather frisky, I attempted to seduce my wife upon arriving home. She said that sleep was better than sex and went directly to bed. It was only 6:30 PM. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 766

You deserved it 7 039

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 15/12/2015 18:10 - Germany - Munich

Today, I had to work late. Due to delayed trains and a missed connection, it was almost midnight when I finally got home. When I walked into the bedroom, I found my girlfriend wearing sexy lingerie and fast asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 984

You deserved it 2 601

Access denied

By Anonymous - 26/09/2023 19:00 - United Kingdom - Barnsley

Today, my wife spent all day texting me dirty things so I used some of my holiday hours to come home 3 hours early for some sexy time. During my drive home she got in a bad mood, and no longer wanted sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 659

You deserved it 125

By Canali18 - 17/09/2016 14:45 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, after working a 24-hour shift I was finally able to get some sleep. Not even an hour after falling asleep, I was woken up by my drunk husband humping my leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 421

You deserved it 1 128

By Username - 18/03/2010 08:21 - France

Today, my wife told me she was very horny as we have not had sex in about two weeks, so I told her to do something for me to get me in the mood. She sighed and then went upstairs to get ready for work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 579

You deserved it 49 784

Let's get it on

By Frank - 17/08/2011 06:50 - United States

Today, I came home from work tired and horny, and asked my girlfriend if she wanted to go make love. While all she had done all day is lay on the couch and watch television, she said, "I'm too tired, why don't you just go into the bathroom and grab a quick wank." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 056

You deserved it 6 456

Randy

By Anonymous - 09/05/2024 19:00

Today, it took me two hours to put all the kids to bed, so all I wanted to do was watch TV but my husband, who'd spent all that time asleep on the sofa, started pestering me for sex like he thought he deserved it after I'd asked him for help 3 times before just doing all the work myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 525

You deserved it 165

By Married Life 101 - 16/05/2019 02:41

Today, my husband woke up in the middle of the night feeling frisky. He woke me up, got me all hot and ready to go, then before I could get into position he fell back to sleep, leaving me to fend for myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 556

You deserved it 242

Parenting is exhausting

By ThreeWeeksWithoutSex - 28/12/2015 05:43 - United States - San Francisco

Today, our daughter fell asleep early, so my husband and I decided to get frisky. He passed out mid-blow job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 364

You deserved it 2 906

I'm horny, horny horny horny

By Anonymous - 08/07/2022 12:00

Today, I got home horny as all ready to jump my husband, until I saw him asleep in his armchair with his gut hanging out his belt, his dinner down his vest, no pants on, and scratching his balls in his sleep. I’m no longer horny. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 369

You deserved it 364

Waste of time

By I'mmessedup - 29/09/2021 22:59

Today, after weeks of every excuse not to, my wife wanted sex. It was amazing, and she had at least 3 orgasms. Instead of cuddling afterwards, she got up like someone kicked her and started bitching about all the things she could have been doing, as she got dressed and stormed out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 150

You deserved it 538

genius_man16 0

Monday 11 May 2009 20:35

Rejected. Maybe you should be better in bed? Or maybe it was just one of those days for your wife? Idk, lots of explanations, but unless you haven't gotten any for weeks this really isn't an FML.

mattmag 0

Monday 11 May 2009 20:57

So take a nap with her, cuddle and whatnot, then **** when you wake up.

Comments

D1STURB3D 0

Thursday 14 May 2009 17:15

DAMNIT 17th FML i moderated so i could write "#1 COMMENT :D" but no :( #106

misssay 0

Thursday 14 May 2009 17:20

damn - it happens. you hottt?

xHaniffax 0

Thursday 14 May 2009 23:18

Why did she "proceed" to go directly to bed? She didn't she went directly to bed will people ever learn?

D1STURB3D 0

Friday 15 May 2009 6:36

if me yesss if somone else **** off :P :P

MrFail_fml 0

Friday 15 May 2009 11:02

clearly you dont know how to handle your dick

lundo 3

Friday 15 May 2009 18:22

wow 12 hour shifts you said that like its your frirst time. ive been workin 12s 4 to 6 days a week for almost a year now. as for not getting any owell

simplyabsurd 0

Friday 15 May 2009 19:54

Yeah, I said useless. Tired at 6:30 in the evening? What, is she like 80 years old? No? Then yeah, she's useless. Look, I work overnights, six or seven days a week. I average three hours of sleep a day, and yeah my job is fairly labor intensive. When I get out of work, I take my) son to school. When I get home (I don't live my gf, we're moving in together next month), I have to cook for myself, clean whatever mess my room mate has left for me, do all the normal routine crap like shower and check my email, and at some point during the week I have to do food shopping, pay bills, and hopefully find time to entertain myself. But when my gf needs something form me, anything (i.e. she has to work early or late and can't watch our son) I have to stay awake and suck it up. I have to go three or four days sometimes on coffee and cigarettes, but if she even in the slightest shows any enthusiasm towards anything, I'm there for her, because that's it's all about. I wouldn't be so adamant, but damn, she didn't even tell him off properly, just 'sleep is better than sex?' boring. People like that... well, I don't think I can even say that without starting a whole new war. But there's a place for them. I think it's in Jersey somewhere.

ktrp 0

Sunday 17 May 2009 17:19

Nobody is that tired. She's just avoiding sex. If you don't have kids, divorce her now. She is just living off you. I'm sure she 'cares' about you, but not like a wife should.