Intimacy: Today, I came home to see my husband talking to his penis. FML - FML

By chewybarseventy - 24/08/2010 06:17 - United States

Spicy

Today, I came home to see my husband talking to his penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 498

You deserved it 11 071

Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

My little buddy

By Anonymous - 18/08/2009 05:37 - United States

Spicy

Today, I walked in on my husband in our room completely naked. At first I thought he was waiting for me so we could have sex. He hadn't seen me yet, so I started to undress too to surprise him. Then I saw that he had drawn a face on his penis and he was talking to it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 80 110

You deserved it 6 510

By Anonymous - 30/01/2015 20:16 - United States

Spicy

Today, I walked in on my husband jacking off to a photo of himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 193

You deserved it 4 506

By anne - 17/12/2011 03:46 - United States

Spicy

Today, my husband called me to the bedroom to show me something. This "something" was him demonstrating his seemingly well-trained ability to accurately type out a sentence on my phone using nothing but his erect penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 862

You deserved it 6 011

By CALIdime_15 - 05/05/2012 05:42 - United States

Spicy

Today, I watched my boyfriend have a full on conversation with his penis. He also talks to his penis nicer than he talks to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 357

You deserved it 4 919

By lovingthis - 09/01/2013 16:48 - United States - Largo

Spicy

Today, I walked in on my grandfather smiling at his penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 200

You deserved it 5 248

Classic Dave

By Sarahir - 29/04/2020 05:00

Spicy

Today, I walked in on my husband masturbating into the kitchen sink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 196

You deserved it 405

Great chat!

By eric - 16/03/2011 07:31 - United States

Spicy

Today, my mom caught me talking to my penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 234

You deserved it 96 455

Communication tool

By Anonymous - 10/10/2012 21:48 - Canada - Winnipeg

Spicy

Today, my husband let me know he felt I was ignoring him by jabbing me in the right ear with his erect penis while I was Skyping with my mum overseas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 331

You deserved it 6 185

Revealing

By kitkat545 - 15/06/2009 23:18 - United States

Spicy

Today, my husband called me from work just to chat. He asked what I had been up to today. I was feeling frisky so I told him all about how I had gotten horny, watched a porno and masturbated earlier. It wasn't until I heard the hoots and laughter that I realized he had me on speakerphone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 078

You deserved it 50 997

Close

By Anonymous - 15/04/2021 01:59

Spicy

Today, my husband decided it's completely fine to walk around the house with his penis out in front of his mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 307

You deserved it 152

Next

Top comments

sjisje 0

Tuesday 24 August 2010 12:36

did the penis talk back?

allenrotstein 0

Tuesday 24 August 2010 12:28

c'mon, this is kinda funny..

Comments

thisispointless 2

Saturday 18 February 2012 17:31

he's giving it a pep talk:D

lenluigi 6

Thursday 17 May 2012 23:15

less talking more...... hehehe don't worry lol

JustHayden 5

Tuesday 11 December 2012 9:14

Talk to it, and it will grow. Sort of like a plant I guess...

TheNicce01 14

Thursday 2 October 2014 22:10

so... and you havent talked to vag or bewbs

WarriorOmen 25

Saturday 6 December 2014 2:44

Pish. I talk to my boyfriends all the time, I like to give it names. And use different voices on it. Mind you, I'm also sorta crazy,so I might not be a good basis.

Dmeijer87 15

Monday 6 July 2015 18:28

Dear penis, i don't think i like you anymore...

Venister 11

Thursday 17 September 2015 18:39

Was he encouraging it to grow?

ChoolyBooly 32

Wednesday 30 September 2015 8:45

I suppose sometimes you need to have a sit down with your body? Guys name their penises sometimes so perhaps talking to it is not much of a stretch. As long as he doesn't think it talks back it should be alright. ;p

Keywords

Gross Animals Cats Poopoo peepee Health Relatable Kids Scary Mental health Parents Creepy Miscellaneous Cold weather Embarrassing Dating Tinder Love Work Cute Transportation Cops Awkward Sports Crush Teachers Education AITA Public freakouts Mother in law Weddings

The Top

Today, my boss overheard me in a bathroom stall talking about how much I hate my job and couldn’t stand him. He didn’t say a word, I hadn't even heard him come in, I just noticed him staring silently at me through the crack in the stall, before leaving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 80

You deserved it 601

Today, my cat got his head stuck in the handle of a plastic bag while snooping. Unfortunately, it was the bag I use to put his turds in after scooping them from the litter tray. With the bag trapped around his neck, he got spooked, then ran around the house, spreading turds from the bag as he fled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 109

You deserved it 547

The Top

Today, my 15 year-old girlfriend called to tell me she is pregnant. Her dad is ex-military, and makes a point of cleaning his guns every time I go to her house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 216

You deserved it 109 351

Today, my online order arrived earlier than I expected. I opened it to find some kind of anal sex toy. Whoever this is for is going to be disappointed when they get my 3DS game. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 768

You deserved it 3 046

Today, I had to give a speech on stage at a local preschool about fire safety. I'm 32 years old and passed out on stage because I felt extremely nervous and intimitated by a group of 4 year olds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 333

You deserved it 8 222

Today, we're having my grandmother over. Because we don't have a guest room, she is sleeping in mine. It is 25°C at night and she is sleeping naked with her dog right next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 022

You deserved it 365

Today, I woke up at 2:30 AM. Thinking I was going to be late for my 3:30 AM flight, I rushed into the bathroom to shower. As I came out of the shower, I slipped and broke my arm. I then realized my flight is tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 856

You deserved it 8 868

Today, I discovered that I sometimes talk in my sleep. After spending an amazing, perfectly romantic night with my boyfriend, I woke up to him telling me to leave. I have no idea what I could have said. He still won't talk to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 671

You deserved it 3 066