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My boyfriend worked at a library as a clerk for years. Oh, the horror stories he has about catching patrons watching ****. Like the guy who only spoke Farsi, who, when my boyfriend tried to pantomime to him that he shouldn't watch ****, kissed him on the mouth. Worse things happened. Like the girl who returned 'The Da Vinci Code' with a used tampon inside.
This is why I don't trust public computers.
Yea I gave up the computer lab when I noticed a man jacking off while I was typing an essay.
People are disgusting! You never know what you could be touching. I once had the chef at my job catch some guy masturbating at my job's restroom. That same guy then sat at my bar. He was drinking soda so quickly and kept asking for refills on them. Oh, hell no! I didn't want to touch the empty glasses so I brought him a new glass each time and kept the old ones there. By the time he left, he had 7 empty glasses surrounding him. Oh, and he used the restroom once again before he left! :P
Don't use the slightly sticky one. Also, I would recommend lab gloves.
Keywords
That ********-ated dickly...
If you find him, tell him to whack off the premises...