Intimacy: Today, I cut myself while shaving my globes. My girlfriend now... - FML

By still learning - 26/02/2012 17:42 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I cut myself while shaving my globes. My girlfriend now refuses to stop teasing me about being "fisted by Edward Scissorhands." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 066

You deserved it 7 964

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Same thing different taste

Slicy slicy

By ChloeLuvzAnime - 30/03/2021 17:01

Spicy

Today, I got the courage to surprise my boyfriend by shaving my pubic region. To my agonizingly painful dismay, the razor sliced through an apparent zit on one of my lips. Now my vagina is bleeding for a whole different reason, and I'm possibly traumatized. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 093

You deserved it 274

By JasonX0656 - 29/01/2017 06:00 - United States - Kalamazoo

Today, my fiancé asked me to do some manscaping. I got a little overzealous and now I look like a 12-year-old boy with razor burn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 717

You deserved it 1 579

By tylerlove361 - 11/02/2009 05:30 - United States

Today, I cut myself with child-proof scissors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 078

You deserved it 34 033

Girl boss

By dating walter white's gf apparently - 06/04/2013 19:13 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, while going down on my girlfriend, I finally managed to give her an orgasm. During that orgasm, she tore out a clump of my hair, causing me to scream in pain. She scowled and said, "Ah shut it, ya little bitch." FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 130

You deserved it 13 421

By Anonymous - 22/03/2013 19:15 - Italy - Catanzaro

Today, while shaving my nether regions, I slipped and sliced myself in three separate places. They won't completely stop bleeding. I'm virtually having a second period, and it hurts to close my legs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 788

You deserved it 7 711

By scaryhairy - 04/11/2009 01:44 - United States

Today, I accidentally cut myself with a razor blade on my toe. Not only does it sting really badly, but it reinforces the fact that I have abnormally hairy toes that need to be shaved. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 001

You deserved it 5 185

By Anonymous - 13/08/2019 02:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I was helping tidy up after my girlfriend's flat warming. I went to put a sharp kitchen knife in the sink while she was washing dishes, and stabbed her in the finger instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 136

You deserved it 990

First dates

By Tytonic - 20/01/2020 05:00 - United States - Havertown

Today, after my first dinner with my new girlfriend, I was using a toothpick when I fell, stabbing the roof of my mouth. She then laughed at me, as there was so much blood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 869

You deserved it 413

By nickthetank - 31/12/2011 09:21 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I got circumcised by my girlfriend's braces. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 981

You deserved it 12 243

So painful

By Anonymous - 30/01/2020 03:00

Today, my sister caught me bent over trying to trim my pubic hairs. She took a photo of my spread ass as a joke and scared me so bad, I cut my clitoris. Currently in hospital hopped up on the really good morphine for the excruciating pain. Oh, and the stitches, God, I can't forget the stitches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 570

You deserved it 440

Next

Top comments

Xquisite1 28

Monday 27 February 2012 1:50

Wow! Balls the size of a globe....now tell me--How do you find underwear to fit your massive man globes?

skitzofunia88 8

Monday 27 February 2012 1:53

His balls genius

Comments

MexicanObama 15

Monday 27 February 2012 18:10

As I had never heard the term "globes" before, I assumed it must have meant ass cheeks, balls just doesn't make sense with the Scissorhands comment.

geod69 8

Monday 27 February 2012 20:02

Classic

Benji55 1

Monday 27 February 2012 23:35

Lol your wife must be atlas if she ever has to hold those up

Heinousness 0

Tuesday 28 February 2012 0:03

Why?

Akharr01 5

Tuesday 28 February 2012 0:37

Ohhh i seeeee

Mkelsie 1

Tuesday 28 February 2012 1:44

Today, My cat farted in my face and woke me up from a great nap. FML

Mkelsie 1

Tuesday 28 February 2012 1:44

Today, My cat farted in my face and woke me up from a great nap. FML

KatieKupcake4195 9

Tuesday 28 February 2012 4:15

One time I had really bad cramps that felt like just super sharp stabbing pains and I was in tears saying "I feel like I'm being fingered by Edward Scissorhands! D':" >.

ddogsmooth 2

Tuesday 28 February 2012 4:19

Fisting really?

cfl383 0

Tuesday 28 February 2012 6:46

Jokes on her.... Stop shaving haha

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The Top

Today, there was a gas leak at work. We called the fire department, who advised us to evacuate the building. We called our manager to let her know, and her response was "Oh, don’t do that." My boss would rather let us die of carbon monoxide exposure than lose out on 3 hours of work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 771

You deserved it 114

Today, I flew to Dubai, en route to my new job in Afghanistan. Both of my bags were lost, my debit card was frozen in London, the next flight was cancelled, and I can't get a hotel room. I'm in the richest city in world with no money and no room. Happy New Year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 070

You deserved it 3 127

The Top

Today, I held the door open for a woman and her kids on my way out of the bank. She started accusing me of patronizing her, and when I just let go of the door in protest, she deliberately leaned in so it hit her in the face. I felt the glares from the entire bank as she pretended to cry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 150

You deserved it 4 037

Today, after several hours of trying to get my triplet daughters to go to bed, they finally fell asleep. Exhausted, I went to the bathroom so I could go to bed. Not thinking about it, I dropped the toilet seat down rather loudly and flushed the toilet. All three girls woke up crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 479

You deserved it 115

Today, upon arriving at a town festival, I was immediately singled out by a rent-a-cop. He began questioning if I had been drinking, saying he smelt it on my breath. He smelt his own breath. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 497

You deserved it 3 125

Today, at the supermarket everybody was staring at me. After ten minutes, I realized that my umbrella was still open. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 853

You deserved it 19 593

Today, my girlfriend contacted me. She said she'd thought over her feelings over our temporary break in the relationship, and she wanted to try again. Being my stupid, self-loathing self, I asked her so many questions on if she was sure or not that she went back into doubt and revoked the offer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 546

You deserved it 11 505

Today, I had to deliver pizza to a nudist colony. I got an eyeful of more than I needed to see. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 056

You deserved it 4 015