Intimacy: Today, I downloaded an application for my phone that reads whatever...

By biglady - 17/02/2011 07:02 - Canada

Today, I downloaded an application for my phone that reads whatever you type out loud. I started making it say things like "You like it when daddy spanks your tight little ass don't you?" Just as the message was playing back out loud, my mom walked up the stairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 515

You deserved it 55 631

Christmas: Snowy Joys and Blunders
Enjoy Christmas stories where unexpected gifts and family reunions create lasting memories... and fun! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Big awkward moment

By JDLAX1924 - 05/08/2010 23:24 - United States

Today, my mom came into my bedroom and told me to "Listen to this voicemail." I listened to me and my girlfriend talking dirty, followed by the bed springs bouncing for three minutes. I had my phone in the pocket while I was having sex with her and it left my mom a nice voicemail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 832

You deserved it 42 646

In the mood

By Steve - 16/12/2012 06:25 - United States - Oshkosh

Today, my girlfriend and I were in the mood for something different. So we decided to have sex in the shower. When we were finished I heard a voice outside the door asking if we needed a towel. It was my mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 811

You deserved it 18 372

By lonelyman - 20/11/2009 07:29 - United States

Today, I used text-to-speech just so that I can hear "I love you" for once. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 218

You deserved it 7 594

By ugadawgs09 - 02/11/2011 04:32 - United States

Today, while I was having sex with my girlfriend, I heard a notification on my iPhone. I thought nothing of it until we were done, and then I checked it out. My mom had posted on my Facebook, telling me that if I didn't keep it down, she was going to come up to my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 513

You deserved it 14 250

Ahem

By Bucko321 - 30/03/2009 01:18 - Canada

Today, I was on the phone with my boyfriend. We were feeling a little naughty, so we started talking dirty. I was really into describing a sweaty sex scene, when I heard my dad cough. He had picked up the other house phone to make a call, and had heard it all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 724

You deserved it 78 322

By Anonymous - 20/11/2012 03:19 - Sweden - Stockholm

Today, my long-distance boyfriend and I decided to be a bit naughty on Skype. It was 3am so we assumed that my dad was asleep and did some dirty talk. When we were done, I heard my dad laughing outside my room; he'd heard it all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 527

You deserved it 17 448

By ... - 18/02/2018 01:30

Today, I realized all of my boyfriend's and my dirty messages were being sent to my mom because I'd logged into messenger on her phone once without logging out. She sat me down and said, "I know your mouth's been on his wee wee." FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 392

You deserved it 5 629

By Maxime - 20/11/2008 10:19 - France

Today, after making love to my girlfriend, I realised that the phone was on the bed and because of the movements, it called my dad by itself. It went to voicemail. My dad will soon have all the details. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 926

You deserved it 9 848

By wowthatwould - 04/12/2011 21:39 - United States

Today, I was watching porn when I heard my mom call for me. I closed my laptop right as she walked in my room. The sound, however, kept going. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 408

You deserved it 46 711

By scaredshitless - 03/03/2012 13:55 - Finland

Today, I downloaded an application that notifies me when my phone is fully charged. I had no idea how it actually functions, but I plugged the charger in and went to bed. A couple of hours later, I woke up to a man's voice screaming, "I can't take it anymore!" I nearly wet myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 206

You deserved it 10 739

lionandthelamb61 9

Thursday 17 February 2011 11:56

Good going, perv.

ItsaMeLuigi 6

Thursday 17 February 2011 11:58

And she replied, "no, but mommy does"

Comments

BillyK417 3

Thursday 17 February 2011 12:16

u must b lonelyy

SnowFlakeInAK 7

Thursday 17 February 2011 12:20

sicko!! haha I did lol when I read this, it's still disturbing though.

BountyBass 13

Thursday 17 February 2011 12:26

hankerin' for a spankerin?

LuxAeterna_fml 0

Thursday 17 February 2011 12:55

Hurtin' for a squirtin'.

Jimboom 11

Thursday 17 February 2011 13:33

Pleadin' for a bleedin'

neonsugarXx 0

Thursday 17 February 2011 22:43

C-C-COMBO BREAKER !! lol i always wanted to do that.

pickles1994 18

Friday 18 February 2011 1:04

lol wow, nice sayings :p

BT14 5

Thursday 17 February 2011 12:35

and??

RedPillSucks 31

Thursday 17 February 2011 14:34

Nailed her? She got crucified AND pregnant?

burriedinskin 0

Thursday 17 February 2011 12:40

haha i love to type random stuff on that, except if you want to type something like that... use headphones:p

ohSNAPyall 26

Friday 18 February 2011 9:09

Or at least close the door...

atomheartm_fml 0

Saturday 19 February 2011 2:16

(oh, snap y'all!)

sidecar97 0

Tuesday 14 June 2011 21:32

what's tht ap called

Jimboom 11

Thursday 17 February 2011 12:41

Comehere darling. Daddys got a lollypop for ya. ;-)

marlie_x 8

Thursday 17 February 2011 12:46

lol just a little awkward O_o

marlie_x 8

Thursday 17 February 2011 13:00

I guess :) do like replying to all my comments? lol

marlie_x 8

Thursday 17 February 2011 13:18

I've never had a stalker before it kind of makes me feel love ;) haha

nbk1405 0

Thursday 17 February 2011 13:23

^win @29 profile pic! ^fail for OP

marlie_x 8

Thursday 17 February 2011 13:35

well thanks 30 :) and keevarou op might already have a stalker her mother o_O

nbk1405 0

Thursday 17 February 2011 15:24

pleasure #marlie lol ^win

pickles1994 18

Friday 18 February 2011 1:08

Haha yah OP has a stalker mother xD

NPN_Scorpio 16

Thursday 17 February 2011 12:47

Oh, a fapplication.

jes12NV 0

Thursday 17 February 2011 12:53

You should've acted all surprised and then told her you were watching a video someone posted on your facebook as a joke or something.

roosdedoos 7

Thursday 17 February 2011 12:58

What's the app called ?

dt520 4

Thursday 17 February 2011 21:36

FapToFake

Keywords

Awkward Friends Love Miscellaneous Cute Haircut Relatable Work Cars You're fired Parenting Kids Family Cats DIY Sex Roommate Intimacy Am I overreacting? Poopoo peepee Management Capitalism Coworkers Frustration Transportation ADHD Dogs Animals Dating Mental health

The Top

Today, my boyfriend came over to have dinner with my family. Everything went well until my mum started hitting the brandy. While kicked back in her chair, she asked my boyfriend how satisfactory I was in bed, and if he enjoyed going down on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 278

You deserved it 3 577

Today, I was working a concert ticket booth. A lady gave me her ticket, I punched it, and told her to enjoy the show. She asked for the “hotel.” Apparently, she thought that the concert ticket cost included a hotel stay, since she traveled from out of state. She cussed me out and had to be escorted out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 333

You deserved it 76

The Top

Today, I scripted-planned and went to quit my job. Instead, I somehow ended up an emotional crying mess during the conversation with my manager - who recommended I get counseling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 811

You deserved it 931

Today, my mom got drunk and punched me in the nose, then yelled at me for bleeding on the carpet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 162

You deserved it 4 761

Today, we went to a nice place by a river to have a BBQ. Someone then asked if we could move the fireplace somewhere else, so we went to check another spot. We came back to find a dog had eaten all the meat we'd brought. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 516

You deserved it 897

Today, after being single for a year, I finally have a boyfriend. Today, my chronic nightmares also started up again after being gone for a year. Apparently I'm allowed to have either a love life, or sleep. Not both. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 114

You deserved it 363

Today, I found out the girl I’ve been seeing, and having lots of kinky sex with, I’m talking "confess to a priest or take to your grave" kind of kinky, is actually my cousin who moved abroad when she was two years-old, and only just recently moved back here. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 479

You deserved it 385

Today, I was listening to my iPod while changing the diaper on my baby. One earbud fell out of my ear and onto the changing table so I quickly picked it up without looking and put it back in my ear, only to realize the headphone had fallen onto more than a table. I now have brown earphones. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 854

You deserved it 47 335

Same thing different taste

Big awkward moment

In the mood

Ahem

Top comments

Comments