Kids: Today, I excitedly told my husband that I'm pregnant with our... - FML

By Anonymous - 18/11/2015 02:13 - United States - Herndon

Today, I excitedly told my husband that I'm pregnant with our first child. With the most shit-eating grin, he said, "Hi, Pregnant. I'm dad." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 022

You deserved it 9 495

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By Anonymous - 02/04/2020 02:00

Today, I announced my pregnancy to my boss. I was expecting all sorts of reactions, except, "But... Erm... How did that happen?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 657

You deserved it 196

By Anonymous - 28/10/2012 16:44 - United States

Today, over a family dinner, my husband and I told everyone that I'm pregnant. My father frowned and said, "Again?", my 9-year-old daughter started crying, and her brother smirked and yelled, "Up the ass, no babies!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 065

You deserved it 6 155

By wifeofafainter - 24/09/2015 06:31 - United States - Bronx

Today, I told my husband I was pregnant, then he fainted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 421

You deserved it 3 070

By wow - 15/04/2013 18:36 - Russian Federation - Saint Petersburg

Today, my husband of 6 years said in a grave voice that he had some important news for me. Jokingly, I said, "Why, did you get that cute colleague of yours pregnant?" He did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75 965

You deserved it 6 739

By Anonymous - 15/06/2013 04:28 - Canada - Calgary

Today, my husband of 3 years learned that he's going to be a father. No, I'm not pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 612

You deserved it 4 270

By Quiteannoyed - 09/03/2013 10:35 - Finland

Today, I received several texts congratulating me on my pregnancy. It turns out that my husband announced he is going to be a father on Facebook, which I don't use. I'm not pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 247

You deserved it 2 898

By Crash44 - 08/07/2019 02:03

Today, my girlfriend and I broke the news to my parents that we're having a baby. The first words out of my dad's mouth were, "It's probably not yours." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 020

You deserved it 256

Classic Dave

By not the mama - 24/10/2020 02:01 - United States - Hesperia

Today, after years of trying, I got the wonderful news that my husband is going to be a father. Too bad I’m not the mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 678

You deserved it 111

Dodged a bullet

By mama - 30/06/2019 07:09

Today, I went to the doctor's office after getting a positive pregnancy test. She did another one to confirm the result, which came back negative. My husband is wandering around with a great big smile on his face, because he isn't going to "have a rugrat." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 032

You deserved it 418

By youreajoker - 10/11/2010 10:28 - Australia

Today, I was at the doctors office after throwing up for the past week. My diagnosis? Apparently I'm the first pregnant man. After several minutes of me freaking out and him explaining how it was possible, he told me he was joking and that I'm fine, but my reaction was the best thus far. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 565

You deserved it 19 666

Next

Top comments

amburrjade 28

Wednesday 18 November 2015 9:40

It's begun. Welcome to 20+ years of Dad Jokes.

iipinkette 16

Wednesday 18 November 2015 9:41

He has passed the dad jokes test, he's ready.

Comments

ssnow_fml 20

Wednesday 18 November 2015 10:41

hey, at least he didn't walk out of the house in a panic and never return.

ssnow_fml 20

Wednesday 18 November 2015 10:43

The pregnancy hormones begin....

I_Like_Dogs 28

Wednesday 18 November 2015 10:50

He's ready.

SChernobyl 6

Wednesday 18 November 2015 10:58

He sounds amazing!

BeenIt 5

Wednesday 18 November 2015 11:26

Wow! He's got about 9 months to grow up.

GrumpyGrinch 23

Wednesday 18 November 2015 11:34

But thats beautiful, isn't it?

moodyreallyrocks 27

Wednesday 18 November 2015 11:35

Congratulations OP! You must be really excited!!

abbey1822 12

Wednesday 18 November 2015 11:43

He's ready the fatherhood

Le_ponderer 14

Wednesday 18 November 2015 11:46

That sounds like a dad joke. I bet he said it in humour not to piss you off. Lighten up OP, the baby weight gain is all the extra you need. Congratulations on your bundle of joy!

max_dilbe 14

Wednesday 18 November 2015 11:47

Haha marry him! Oh, wait... :P PS: He officially kicked off the many more years of DAD jokes to come.. Good luck!

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The Top

Today, I asked my son to keep my new girlfriend secret from his mom until our divorce was final, and he ran straight to her. She told the judge I was unfaithful and wants more money from our settlement. My son doesn't give a shit about snitching on me, because she's giving him a percentage of the new settlement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 386

You deserved it 1 844

Today, the girl I have a crush on came over to work on a project. My dad rushed into the room we were in, farted, and then ran out giggling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 629

You deserved it 5 883

The Top

Today, I tried to bleach my upper lip hair. I now have a bright red mustache. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 077

You deserved it 18 818

Today, I was accidentally tagged in a photo of a group of people by a 'friend' on Facebook. She later corrected it, apparently everyone had already seen the tag and decided that the comment box below was a great opportunity to discuss how none of them would ever be caught dead hanging out with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 692

You deserved it 3 925

Today, my boyfriend and I were asleep. Evidently, he was dreaming about being a UFC fighter, because, out of no where, he grabs the back of my head and punches me in the nose. I haven't been able to breathe right out of my nose all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 576

You deserved it 3 112

Today, I met my girlfriend's dad, who it turns out is such an anime nerd he decided to overplay the "idiot overprotective dad" character all afternoon, including making the dramatic faces, playing theme music from his phone, and at one point threatening my genitals with an oversized foam battle axe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 824

You deserved it 299

Today, I found out that my mother doesn't have Alzheimer's disease. This would be joyous news, except for the fact that one year prior to this day my grandmother lied to me so that I'd stay closer to home. I've been worrying over a nonexistent illness for an entire year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 322

You deserved it 84

Today, my boyfriend and I were about to have sex in his car. He got out of the car and moved to the passenger seat with me. As he shut the door, it slammed against my fingers, breaking one of them. He then asked if we could still have sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 488

You deserved it 7 255