Kids: Today, I excitedly told my husband that I'm pregnant with our... - FML

By Anonymous - 18/11/2015 02:13 - United States - Herndon

Today, I excitedly told my husband that I'm pregnant with our first child. With the most shit-eating grin, he said, "Hi, Pregnant. I'm dad." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 022

You deserved it 9 495

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How d'you think?

By Anonymous - 02/04/2020 02:00

Today, I announced my pregnancy to my boss. I was expecting all sorts of reactions, except, "But... Erm... How did that happen?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 657

You deserved it 196

By Anonymous - 28/10/2012 16:44 - United States

Today, over a family dinner, my husband and I told everyone that I'm pregnant. My father frowned and said, "Again?", my 9-year-old daughter started crying, and her brother smirked and yelled, "Up the ass, no babies!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 065

You deserved it 6 155

By wifeofafainter - 24/09/2015 06:31 - United States - Bronx

Today, I told my husband I was pregnant, then he fainted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 421

You deserved it 3 070

By wow - 15/04/2013 18:36 - Russian Federation - Saint Petersburg

Today, my husband of 6 years said in a grave voice that he had some important news for me. Jokingly, I said, "Why, did you get that cute colleague of yours pregnant?" He did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75 965

You deserved it 6 739

By Anonymous - 15/06/2013 04:28 - Canada - Calgary

Today, my husband of 3 years learned that he's going to be a father. No, I'm not pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 612

You deserved it 4 270

By Quiteannoyed - 09/03/2013 10:35 - Finland

Today, I received several texts congratulating me on my pregnancy. It turns out that my husband announced he is going to be a father on Facebook, which I don't use. I'm not pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 247

You deserved it 2 898

By Crash44 - 08/07/2019 02:03

Today, my girlfriend and I broke the news to my parents that we're having a baby. The first words out of my dad's mouth were, "It's probably not yours." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 020

You deserved it 256

Classic Dave

By not the mama - 24/10/2020 02:01 - United States - Hesperia

Today, after years of trying, I got the wonderful news that my husband is going to be a father. Too bad I’m not the mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 678

You deserved it 111

Dodged a bullet

By mama - 30/06/2019 07:09

Today, I went to the doctor's office after getting a positive pregnancy test. She did another one to confirm the result, which came back negative. My husband is wandering around with a great big smile on his face, because he isn't going to "have a rugrat." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 032

You deserved it 418

By youreajoker - 10/11/2010 10:28 - Australia

Today, I was at the doctors office after throwing up for the past week. My diagnosis? Apparently I'm the first pregnant man. After several minutes of me freaking out and him explaining how it was possible, he told me he was joking and that I'm fine, but my reaction was the best thus far. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 565

You deserved it 19 666

Next

Top comments

amburrjade 28

Wednesday 18 November 2015 9:40

It's begun. Welcome to 20+ years of Dad Jokes.

iipinkette 16

Wednesday 18 November 2015 9:41

He has passed the dad jokes test, he's ready.

Comments

HollyQuinn 21

Wednesday 18 November 2015 11:52

Amazing.

blake1015 24

Wednesday 18 November 2015 12:11

That's how it goes, man... It's just nature. As soon as a man finds out that he's a father, instinct kicks in and the dad jokes begin.

NostalgiaFreak9 41

Wednesday 18 November 2015 12:17

How is this an FML exactly?

kaotic_angel88 24

Wednesday 18 November 2015 12:23

Congrats!! Sounds like he's really happy to become a father.

Atrius82 16

Wednesday 18 November 2015 12:47

*Standing slow clap*

xTommytheGUNx 15

Thursday 19 November 2015 1:16

continues the slow clap*

DoomSkuller 28

Thursday 19 November 2015 2:12

*joins in clapping*

LadyTyger51ne 8

Wednesday 18 November 2015 12:53

I think that was sweet ?

unhappycamperuk 12

Wednesday 18 November 2015 13:08

I voted 'your life sucks' because if you can't appreciate the absolute golden height of this perfectly applied dad joke then it truly does and I pity you.

Chilled_Rambo 11

Wednesday 18 November 2015 13:12

He's been waiting his whole life for that moment, and congrats OP!

interesting33 36

Wednesday 18 November 2015 13:27

He is prepared. He will go far.

HawksFan44 5

Wednesday 18 November 2015 13:35

It has begun

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Keywords

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The Top

Today, I asked my son to keep my new girlfriend secret from his mom until our divorce was final, and he ran straight to her. She told the judge I was unfaithful and wants more money from our settlement. My son doesn't give a shit about snitching on me, because she's giving him a percentage of the new settlement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 386

You deserved it 1 844

Today, I couldn't sleep because I had the worst time positioning myself around my cat who was sleeping in my bed. I couldn't kick my cat out of bed because I earlier today had an argument with my brother over which of us the cat loved more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 004

You deserved it 42 709

The Top

Today, I went to my car to get a few things, when I discovered it had been broken into. Nothing of value was taken. My window was busted in just for a pack of cigarettes, a lighter, and my car's ashtray. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 641

You deserved it 7 036

Today, after getting a root canal, I told my mother how boring it was just sitting there with my mouth open for ages while the dentist did his work. She then told me how she had to do the same kind of thing on her anniversary night with my father. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 824

You deserved it 4 867

Today, after working my ass off for 2 months, receiving perfect reviews, and going out of my way to take on extra work to get a job offer from the location where I temp, I finally got an offer for a permanent position. Included in the offer was a $3.00 an hour pay cut and no insurance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 930

You deserved it 715

Today, my mom had one too many and announced to all of my friends that, if she had the opportunity, she would bang Gwen Stefani. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 944

You deserved it 4 700

Today, I found myself in the unenviable position of buying tampons, chocolate, ice cream, and condoms for a woman I’m in love with, but am not dating. She asked me to get them since I was going to the shops anyway. I want to die. FML

I agree, your life sucks 391

You deserved it 1 409

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. He said it was because his online gaming friends don't like it when I ask him to spend time with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 213

You deserved it 159