Drunk, Weird and Animals: Today, I found my intoxicated step-father in our back yard trying... - FML

By Anonymous - 10/01/2015 03:41 - United States - Houston

Today, I found my intoxicated step-father in our back yard trying to domesticate a stray opossum, attempting to give it steak and malt liquor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 553

You deserved it 2 461

Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

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Same thing different taste

Animal control

By possum oh possum - 02/05/2021 05:01 - United States

Today, I had a small get together in my backyard. My idiot sister got blackout drunk and found a stray cat. She was holding it and taking selfies, until her dumbass realized she’d actually picked up a possum. She panicked and dropped it. Now it’s loose somewhere in my house and I can’t find it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 261

You deserved it 136

By Cecilly2010 - 28/04/2011 15:53

Today, my drunk dad started yelling at my dog for not having a job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 614

You deserved it 5 242

By meeeoow - 22/01/2011 10:05 - Australia

Today, my drunken father decided to walk my quiet street naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 665

You deserved it 2 777

This is fine

By Anonymous - 07/08/2024 02:00 - United States

Today, I found out that my father, who very recently lost his wife, decided that drunkenly hitting on my long-time boyfriend's mom was a good idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 411

You deserved it 86

Anger management

By FML - 08/12/2013 18:00 - Puerto Rico - Cayey

Today, my dad came home drunk off his ass. So drunk that he couldn't manage to open the refrigerator, and ended up punching it in a fit of rage. When I tried to calm him down and get him to bed, he told me to fuck off, and grounded me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 661

You deserved it 3 397

Asshole

By Anonymous - 21/06/2013 20:38 - Netherlands - Mierlo

Today, my drunk dad decided to wake me up by lobbing our cat directly into my now-mauled face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 144

You deserved it 3 234

By Sadfaic - 23/01/2012 02:59 - United States

Today, my long lost father came to visit me. He got drunk, then tried to beat me up. My neighbor called the police, and as soon as they got there, my father yelled, "Help! This man tried to stab me!" The sad part is, they believed him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 643

You deserved it 2 151

By Z - 09/04/2011 22:29 - United Kingdom

Today, my dad decided to have a little father and daughter bonding time. Unfortunately, his idea of bonding involves him sitting around at home, getting piss drunk, and falling asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 458

You deserved it 3 035

By Anonymous - 01/05/2015 20:02 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, a drunk man started yelling at the lamppost outside my house, demanding to be let inside, all while my neighbors watched. That man is my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 361

You deserved it 2 465

By Deadman - 02/04/2012 13:37 - United States

Today, my dad came home drunk at four in the morning. He walked into my room, screaming at me to wake up so he can kill zombies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 898

You deserved it 2 532

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Top comments

Spencyy 18

Saturday 10 January 2015 16:15

Well did he succeed?

rieebee 23

Saturday 10 January 2015 16:15

Obviously the logical thing to do.

Comments

pandaxxcore 8

Tuesday 3 February 2015 5:05

Bahaha, sounds pretty close to my madre on the fml scale... Except it's my mom, not step-father, and she just gets reallyy out-of-her-mind high aand harasses neighborhood children & then passes out in the most random spot & awkward position humanely possible. Smh. I feel your pain (&humor as times), friend. ?

Romanchuk 20

Thursday 9 April 2015 22:44

Sounds like he's a straight up baller if you ask me

pheonixfire13 17

Saturday 31 October 2015 13:19

Not to be a vocabulary nazi but it's a wild opossum the term feral implies it was once domestic

Keywords

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It's great to see you ! How was july ? Hot, sweaty, flirty ? How I miseed talking to you (and getting one or two comments if we're lucky enough). But let's not complain, a whole month welcoming artists for their second rounds who gave us brand new il...

I agree, your life sucks 15

You deserved it 18

Today, my father had a dream that he'd lost me forever, and the pain was so unbearable, it woke him up. Turns out, the pain he was experiencing was just his bowels and he really needed to take a shit. This is the most affection I've ever received from my father. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 031

You deserved it 3 461

The Top

Today, while giving speech in class, I choked on my own spit and had a coughing fit while everyone stared at me intently. When I finally regained my composure, my teacher told me my time was up and to sit down. I hadn't even got finished the first paragraph. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 925

You deserved it 4 221

Today, instead of actually teaching us something, our college professor excitedly showed us the godawful Harlem Shake video he made with his friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 651

You deserved it 4 998

Today, my new anxiety medicine fully entered my system. It makes me shit my brains out. I can either fart and risk shitting my pants every time or I can be too anxious to even enter a public place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 234

You deserved it 218

Today, I set up a small social gathering for a few friends. One of them didn't have a ride, so the others, who'd already shown up, went to go give him a ride. After no sign of them for a whole hour, I called to see what was wrong. They went out to eat and completely forgot about me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 218

You deserved it 4 360

Today, for the sixth time in a row, I was driving my kid to school and he made me late for work. Why? He was whacking off instead of getting ready. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 738

You deserved it 6 807

Today, a friend was making fun of our teacher's car, calling it dorkmobile and saying only idiots would own that car. It's the same as the car I just bought. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 094

You deserved it 1 862