Well that's is great if that worked for you. I think trust is like virginity once lost its gone forever and only see problems with this situation. But maybe that's just me

I agree with 53. You can never fully regain someone's trust after that. I hate to say it by your fiancée didn't love you when she did that. You don't cheat on someone you love. She may love you now but she didn't then. I really hope you two work out but don't be surprised if it happens again. The odds of you two making it are about as good as seeing a white rhino outside of a zoo. I really hope you do make it, but know you can never fully trust her as long as you live.

my husband confessed to cheating on me while we were still in the early stages of our relationship, and granted it hurt, i know that we were in high school, had no clear idea of commitment, and that he wouldnt do it now even if given the chance. you cant tell someone that they will never be able to trust someone again. trust and forgiveness varies per person. people make mistakes in moments of heat, it doesnt mean they dont love you. it means they were selfish and immature. some things in life arent black and white.

Honey cheating isn't a mistake. It's a slap in the face. If when your boyfriend/husband/whatever is making out with another woman and about to have sex with her, if you don't cross his mind, he doesn't love you. If you do cross his mind and he thinks "hey this is wrong, I'm with So and so" and he does it anyway, he still doesn't love you. There's no "mistake" about it. You don't accidentally fall on top of a woman (or man) and accidentally have sex with them. You do it because you want sex and are too selfish to care about your significant other. Sex is an intentional act, not a mistake. You are right that trust and forgiveness vary from person to person, but most people would never be able to fully trust someone that cheated on them again. It'll always be in the back of your mind (at least for 99% of people) that he might do it again or if he's running late and you can't get ahold of him, you'll wonder if he's in bed with another woman again.

youre right. it doesnt just happen. but it was bad judgement that happened in a moment of heat. i never think about the fact that my husband cheated, especially if he is running late or i cant get ahold of him. im not a relationship nazi, and i know that he cannot answer his phone on the job or while driving, and that the army has a nack of being unpredictable when it comes to releasing my husband for the day. you may call it niave, i call it understanding. my relationship and my family mean more to me than some common ***** who managed to seduce my drunk and already hormone driven then-boyfriend in high school. everyone is human and at some point will think about themselves more than the one they love for carnal and personal pleasure. just because someone couldnt grow up to understand the seriousness of commitment and monotomy in a relationship doesnt mean theyll never be able to grasp that concept. a relationship and a marriage are two different things.

a marriage is a clean slate. once you put a ring on someones finger, the previous relationship is over and a new, stronger, and more serious relationship is born. to harp on the past is as immature as cheating itself. if she has remained faithful in their marriage, that is what matters. im not saying what she did was right, but if they are strong enough, it is possible to move on from it. i know it hurts as bad as if she had just done it, since he just found out about it. but it didnt, it was months or possibly years ago. people grow up and change.

Jlstough- I think you are the most mature one here. You took the words right out of my mouth.

Saying your wedding vows most definitely does NOT erase the past. I suppose your case is a little different because it started when you were in high school (although I would've kicked him to the curb as soon as it happened) and he's grown up now, but if you expect marriage to solve all your problems you're severely mistaken. That's like saying do whatever the hell you want before you get married, regardless of your partner's feelings and once you say "I Do" it erases all of that. That's idiotic. I guess the more I've seen people talk about marriage lately, it shows that my kind of marriage is a dying thing. As SOON as we were engaged, we vowed that we were committed to only each other and would put each other's well being first. The only difference between marriage and engagement is that you don't have the paperwork signed yet. But, I guess that's just a rare thing nowadays.

Trust does take a long time to rebuild once it's lost, but it's not something that can't be repaired. Honestly I think it's ridiculous how so many people on here actually think that it's impossible for a relationship to work after cheating, because a lot of relationships have suffered from that and yet still lasted in the long run. Really the problem there is that people have it in their minds that some people cheat, others don't. It's not that simple. The fact is nobody is a born cheater, and nobody is a born with fidelity. None of us can say we couldn't possibly do that. All we can do is make a conscious decision that we're going to resist those temptations whenever they come our way. I would never assume my fiancee is incapable of cheating with me, I just don't believe she ever will because I do trust her. If she ever did I would be terribly hurt of course, but I know that she is physically capable of doing it. She's a human, just like me. I have no intention of ever cheating either, but I am capable. We all are.

It's better for us in the long run to recognize that we can never fully trust someone. Sure we need to reach a point where we can't be suspicious of every little thing the other person does, but it's better to recognize the human capacity to cheat that's in everyone. That may sound pessimistic, but sometimes recognizing a reality whether it's negative or not is healthier so that we can better deal with these things when they do happen. Don't ever assume someone else isn't capable of doing something. You're just setting yourself up for a lot more hurt when you do.

i didnt find out about him cheating until after we were married, and that it was with the girl who i thought had been my best friend for the better part of the last 10 years. so i know it hurts, maybe more so than most. but i have a son by this man and have been through so much with him that the decision to stay and work on it was based primarily on that. but i am glad that i did, and have never been happier. marriage isnt a get out of jail free card, but neither does it have a get out of jail free card. many people today take marriage so lightly that they assume a divorce can just fix everything. well a word to the wise, it doesnt fix the pain and it doesnt make it go away.

Yeah I've seen so many bitter divorced people, and I hardly look for them. Sure it might sound like an easy way out of the problem, but even if you do divorce if you don't find a way to make peace with the person eventually the hurt will not go away. You did have the right to divorce him since he cheated on you, but even if you had and not eventually found a way to forgive him you'd probably both still be bitter.

Trust can be regained and cheating does not mean they didn't love them. That's a really naive way to look at relationships. Clearly they love each other of they're engaged.

As if that makes it any better. It's good that she confessed, but no matter what point in the relationship it's wrong. When you're not engaged you have the right to break it off, but if you really want to be with someone else you need to end the other relationship first.

Marriage has always been tainted by adultery and greed. Humans are not naturally monogamous. It's only now that people are so quick to divorce after suffering infidelity.

There's no such thing as cheating as mistake. Once is not a mistake. Once is a "**** you I don't care about you at all" slap in the face. More than once just makes you no longer human.

.... Re-read this FML

pretty sure 50 meant the cheating, not the confessing..