By Attacksloth - 23/04/2015 22:45 - Canada - Sudbury

Spicy
Today, I found out that, given the correct velocity, a used condom can actually fly through a tiny window and slap you on the leg. I also found out that when you go to the window to yell at the perpetrator, they might have more ammunition. FML
I agree, your life sucks 36 870
You deserved it 4 017

Attacksloth tells us more.

Attacksloth 33

OP here. I was at a university, so like all schools, sex is fairly common here. I actually don't know if the contents were... legit sperm, but it seemed like they had the correct colour and, regrettably, consistency, judging by the shit left on my leg. It didn't look like pudding or mayonnaise or anything edible. Right now I'm just talking myself into a sense of security by telling myself that nobody in their right mind would actually be that disgusting. The second one missed me, because I saw them chucking it, so I ducked out of the way. Luckily I had extra pants from the gym so I just changed into those, and I refused to touch the condoms until a janitor came in with some heavy duty gloves. I don't think it was an act of revenge, because I haven't really talked to people much this year - I'm either with my wife, exercising alone, or researching alone. The boy who threw them was with a girl and they were both laughing. I memorized their faces, so if I see them on campus, they can receive some "polite Canadian justice".

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Top comments

TheCerealKiller 24

I'm just imagining it exploding on impact...

280 3
meisan 12

were they just carrying shit loads of used condoms for no reason?..

257 2

Comments

nphill82 21

I just threw up in my mouth a little

2 1
Attacksloth 33

OP here. I was at a university, so like all schools, sex is fairly common here. I actually don't know if the contents were... legit sperm, but it seemed like they had the correct colour and, regrettably, consistency, judging by the shit left on my leg. It didn't look like pudding or mayonnaise or anything edible. Right now I'm just talking myself into a sense of security by telling myself that nobody in their right mind would actually be that disgusting. The second one missed me, because I saw them chucking it, so I ducked out of the way. Luckily I had extra pants from the gym so I just changed into those, and I refused to touch the condoms until a janitor came in with some heavy duty gloves. I don't think it was an act of revenge, because I haven't really talked to people much this year - I'm either with my wife, exercising alone, or researching alone. The boy who threw them was with a girl and they were both laughing. I memorized their faces, so if I see them on campus, they can receive some "polite Canadian justice".

103 2
Geckosrock99 33

I would say report them to the Principal or whoever is in charge. Those types of bodily fluids could spread STDs and ruin someone's life. They need to know that it's not funny.

254 6
PegLegRacing 34

Canadian Justice... Like you give them a stern talking to then you offer them French Fries and gravy for being so harsh?

76 5
Attacksloth 33

You forgot the cheese curds. And the beaver hats. And the apologies.

55 1
shredder217 16

more like give them the Canadian destroyer

26 3
love_me_electric 20

If you look online there are actually recipes for "fake semen" for pranks and stuff. Hopefully that's what it was.

44 0
mischiefkel 17

You remind me of Garp Fields

1 5
ColonelCusswords 24

Beat them in a game of hocky, force feed them gallons of maple syrup then throw him to the moose (plural idfk what the word is)

3 1
LethalSeamonkey 15

Well you have his DNA now. You can take the civil route and call the police... Or you could dump it into your babymaker and make him pay child support for 18 years like a troll.

116 11
cheesebond 29

HAHAHAHAHAAA!! That's the evilest thing I've ever heard ;,)

40 4
Ajf92002 23

Are you always secretly plotting these things? O-o If so your like my new favorite person...

8 2
ThatDamHuntress 20

I doubt he has a baby maker as the OP is a man.

1 0
cjfred 13

He has a wife, #97. That's his babymaker, if she's on board with the idea. Though something tells me she's probably not.

3 1
bigjake 11

I woulda kicked his ass. Lol that's ******* gross

1 4
Mermaidhead 13

The username of op is so perfect for this

1 2
candygirl2015 12

How dose it smell?

0 7
dnice1864 18

That's totally disgusting. Sorry, op.

1 2