Kids: Today, I found out the reason our toilet paper has been disappearing...

By Anonymous - 02/05/2014 14:04 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I found out the reason our toilet paper has been disappearing so fast recently isn't because my son is wanking like a gibbon as I first thought. He's just been using our shredder to make streamers out of the stuff, then hiding it all in a box in his closet. Fucking hell, son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 503

You deserved it 4 506

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 06/02/2015 08:26 - Canada - Maple Ridge

Today, after a day, I finally noticed that the toilet paper I'd been using to wipe my butt is actually a roll of paper towel cut in half. My dad thinks that it's a waste of money to buy proper paper. Guess who had to unclog the toilet twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 105

You deserved it 3 178

Shit for brains

By Anonymous - 31/10/2023 15:00 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, in desperate need of a shit, I quickly ran into a shop to buy toilet paper. I rushed home and unleashed, only to realise I'd bought paper towels. Without options, I had to wipe my ass with them and consequently blocked the toilet. I found rolls of toilet paper while looking for the plunger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 182

You deserved it 654

By Maxwell - 04/02/2010 10:47 - France

Today, my 4 year old son thought it was funny to put money in the shredder. He stuck over 500 dollars in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 806

You deserved it 16 775

"Shit ticket for one"

By Anonymous - 10/08/2018 15:00

Today, my household ran out of toilet paper so we have to shower after every dump. My mom just confessed that she does in fact have money for shit tickets, but won't buy any because it's the only way she can get my brother to shower. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 204

You deserved it 278

By will - 14/08/2019 12:00 - Canada

Today, my 6-year-old son apparently decided to make a game out of clogging the toilet with toilet paper. He won, and now the whole basement is flooded. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 514

You deserved it 217

By Broke Ass Hoe - 28/12/2017 15:00

Today, as I realized I'm too broke to go out and get more toilet paper, I noticed my cat chewing on something and tearing it apart. It was my last roll. FML

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You deserved it 606

By Anonymous - 13/07/2019 06:30

Today, my friend explained to me that the toilet paper in his bathroom is "just for show." Now I know why his hamper smells like shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 803

You deserved it 133

By Anonymous - 10/01/2010 10:45 - Canada

Today, I was wondering why my home smelled so weird, until I found out that my 4 year old son had been secretly scattering around food he didn't like to eat throughout the house. How did I find out? No one else in this family leaves half eaten spinach all over my underwear drawer. FML

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You deserved it 3 893

Arnold Layne

By Anonymous - 09/05/2024 23:00 - United Kingdom

Today, and for weeks now, I was sure my underwear was going missing. I found out why. My husband's brother has been stealing them whenever he visits, presumably to masturbate with. I literally caught him shoving an unwashed pair into his pocket he'd stolen from my laundry pile. Creep. FML

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You deserved it 76

By Daddy - 10/11/2008 12:06 - France

Today, I gave my son a bollocking for losing a very important paper that I needed for work. I've just found it in my right pocket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 472

You deserved it 59 700

feelingold 18

Saturday 3 May 2014 0:27

You'd rather he was wanking like a gibbon?? *Parenting five*

auzziegirl1938 22

Saturday 3 May 2014 0:27

Follow up story? I'm actually curious why he wants streamers out of toilet paper...

Comments

a1l2l2i3son 13

Saturday 3 May 2014 2:06

This post sounds so British, I already knew it was the United Kingdom without even looking.

therouni 23

Saturday 3 May 2014 2:25

"Wanking like a gibbon".... Awesome. Just awesome.

worldclassrager 39

Saturday 3 May 2014 2:26

Party time! Time to hide the toilet paper...but that's better than using Financial documents...right?

thesinginguy 18

Saturday 3 May 2014 2:42

Okay can someone explain what a gibbon is. Cause it seems everyone else knows.

MidnightMusic53 37

Saturday 3 May 2014 3:24

You really don't know? A gibbon is a monkey. Just google it, or even better, visit a zoo.

mac_attack3000 4

Saturday 3 May 2014 3:51

This is the most British post I've read in my life.

mansen 15

Saturday 3 May 2014 4:54

Oh god. I just had the horrid thought spring into my mind that your son is wanking like a gibbon with the toilet paper, and that shredded pile you found is not pure clean toilet paper...