Health: Today, I found out what a bottle of regurgitated wine looks like...

By Anonymous - 22/03/2012 14:59 - United States - Newark

Today, I found out what a bottle of regurgitated wine looks like on white bedsheets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 961

You deserved it 9 791

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Same thing different taste

Geyser Söze

By Anonymous - 08/09/2020 14:01

Today, I found out why my B&B host looked so pissed this morning. I remember having too much red wine and puking out the window last night. Turns out the lampshade underneath the window spread my puke all over the freshly painted wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 422

You deserved it 2 060

The mouthfeel

By rookiemistake - 27/04/2015 03:12 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I went to a wine tasting for the first time. I copied the experienced people around me by swishing the wine around in my mouth, which I then choked on and spit out all over my white blouse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 941

You deserved it 10 129

First impressions

By medik - 23/02/2010 12:51 - United States

Today, I went over to my girlfriend's parents house for dinner. This was the first time I was meeting them, so I bought a $70 bottle of red wine to try and impress them. I tried to be smooth while popping the cork. I did, but the bottle slipped and red wine poured onto their white carpet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 976

You deserved it 8 216

By TragicallyAnxious - 10/05/2019 08:00

Today, I learned that drunk me from last night is apparently great at flirting. She also apparently flirted her way to a free bottle of white wine, only to shatter it on the kitchen floor at 2 a.m. How did I find out? Three words: glass in foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 474

You deserved it 649

By sadmommy - 23/04/2012 22:51 - United States - Keller

Today, I discovered that last night, my son snuck downstairs at 3am, drank two glasses of my very expensive wine, threw up on his bed, and then slept in his own vomit. My son is 14. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 551

You deserved it 6 202

Chemistry

By Anonymous - 31/03/2011 22:10 - United States

Today, while searching for the pungent odor that has been lingering in my son's bedroom, I discovered various types of juice my son has been "storing" to make wine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 905

You deserved it 4 584

Drunken mess

By SlutRobot6000 - 01/07/2022 04:00

Today, I'm using mold and mildew stain remover on my mattress, all because I threw up on it drunk, and was to lazy to clean it up when it happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 165

You deserved it 1 296

By disgusted - 23/02/2010 18:09 - United States

Today, I went into my parents room to empty their wastebasket. Next to it and around their bed, I found tissues that were soaked in an unknown sticky substance. I had to pick them up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 453

You deserved it 3 688

Pissed

By whoops - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff

Today, I saw that the wine bottle I couldn't open last night had a big hole in the top from my struggle to open it. It was a screw top. I must've been drunker than I thought last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 848

You deserved it 2 515

By butterfingers - 06/12/2013 07:08 - United States - New Wilmington

Today, I dropped a $400 bottle of wine while trying to get the cork out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 282

You deserved it 17 995

knsy 0

Thursday 22 March 2012 18:59

Billy Mays would have had a field day on that shit.

VorpikeII 17

Thursday 22 March 2012 18:57

Your fault? Or did someone else regurgitate the wine?

Comments

Llamacod 11

Thursday 22 March 2012 19:57

Are we talking red or white wine?

bchatzis 9

Thursday 22 March 2012 20:06

at least you didnt wake up swimming in the stuff

doglover569 0

Thursday 22 March 2012 20:27

That's an odd sex fetish... ;)

dangler1108 2

Friday 23 March 2012 3:12

Kinky one at that

juicifer 0

Thursday 22 March 2012 20:35

Now it's a party!

OFWGKTADGAF666 6

Thursday 22 March 2012 20:35

That's hot..

Rhcjdjmx 0

Thursday 22 March 2012 20:45

Bottles can reguritate

sparkjolt 10

Thursday 22 March 2012 20:54

if it's red wine you could use regurgitated white wine to clean it? :D

Skelebitch 0

Thursday 22 March 2012 21:35

Why do the majority of these sex and alcohol related FMLs come from Jersey? I've been noticing that lately. I blame Jersey Shore.

zoecw 14

Thursday 22 March 2012 22:07

Honeymooning?

Klaves66 2

Thursday 22 March 2012 22:55

i hope it was white wine

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I was called by my son's school. They said he'd been forging my signature and comments in his reading book. He didn't forge them. I don't know what's worse: my handwriting looking like a 6 year-old's, or being too cowardly to admit it. He has a week of lunch detention, but I still have my dignity. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 391

You deserved it 115 808

Today, on my way home from watching a movie with a girl, I began having an erection because I thought I could kiss her goodnight. She dropped me off at home, and with my full blown erection, I walked in front of her car with the headlights on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 434

You deserved it 46 509

The Top

Today, my mom bitched me out and threatened to send me to a Bible camp, after catching me admiring a photo of a bikini model, which is apparently "immoral behavior." This is the same woman who cheated on my dad twice, justifying it by claiming the Devil tempted her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 607

You deserved it 2 297

Today, I got my period while spray tanning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 571

You deserved it 543

Today, I got on an elevator with a woman and her child. I was the first one on. When she stepped on, the capacity alarm went off. As she left she told her daughter that's why fat people shouldn't be allowed in public. I'm 145 lbs. She was twice my size. I got called fat by a hippopotamus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 200 955

You deserved it 13 910

Today, I found out that I'm named after my dad's favourite drink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 390

You deserved it 44

Today, I went out with two new friends. While we were talking, they said that their mother had called them to go home. Later on, I saw them in the main square, hanging out. I wasn't creepy or disrespectful, and I don't know why they did it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 027

You deserved it 127

Today, I found my beloved hamster dead in her cage. Later that day, my boyfriend told me he already noticed that she was dead last night, but did not feel like telling me because he was afraid I wouldn't feel like doing it anymore that night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 473

You deserved it 4 491