Miscellaneous: Today, I gave a man a cigarette. He spent the rest of the day...

By Anonymous - 01/10/2011 16:21 - United States

Today, I gave a man a cigarette. He spent the rest of the day so far following me around, telling me all about his medical history, and chasing after me when I got too far away. I couldn't get rid of him for hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 674

You deserved it 8 088

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By Anonyme - 30/08/2013 10:59 - France - Ivry-sur-seine

Today, a man in a hurry asked me for a light. Not being able to find my lighter amongst the muddle inside my handbag, I handed him my lit cigarette so he could light his. He took it from me, started smoking it and walked off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 137

You deserved it 35 985

By Anonymous - 09/08/2013 23:29 - Switzerland

Today, a man pulled a knife on me just so he could mug me of the cigarette I was smoking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 510

You deserved it 7 812

By Anonymous - 17/07/2012 13:54 - Greece - Athens

Today, I gave up smoking. A few hours later, I caught myself daydreaming about brutally killing a guy that gave me a mean look at the bus. Maybe I should go back to smoking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 300

You deserved it 5 724

By Poser - 20/12/2009 04:24 - Canada

Today, I was at a bar and met this great guy. He was going outside for a smoke and I wanted to go too. Since I don't smoke, I decided to borrow one of my friends cigarettes as an excuse to go outside with him. As I was lighting the cigarette, he pointed out that I was lighting the wrong end. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 228

You deserved it 46 165

Caught in 4K

By reptar2009 - 02/12/2009 00:49 - United States

Today, my parents found cigarettes in my car. After a long argument lasting over an hour, I convinced them that they weren't mine and that I don't smoke. A few minutes later, I went to work. Guess who decided to visit me during my smoke break. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 424

You deserved it 87 572

No smoking

By Anonymous - 21/10/2020 20:03

Today, my boyfriend told me he started smoking again and had smoked almost a whole pack in 3 hours. We were on the phone and I was on the bus. He knew that was the perfect time time to tell me, because he knew I wouldn't yell in public. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 160

You deserved it 266

By Joe - 04/08/2011 18:28 - United States

Today, I asked a guy if he could buy me a pack of cigarettes, since I'm still under 18. He took my money, went into the supermarket, and must have slipped out a side-entrance, because he never came back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 802

You deserved it 126 078

Some people just don't like surprises

By alone and horny - 20/06/2020 20:01

Today, I went outside to smoke a cigarette. When I started to head back in, I saw a shadow move across my bedroom window. I live alone, so I waited outside and called the police. They came and investigated, only to drag my naked boyfriend out, where he promptly dumped me. I forgot our 2-year anniversary. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 830

You deserved it 1 719

By Anonymous - 21/09/2013 04:07 - United States - Mccomb

Today, my mom found my dad's hidden stash of cigarettes. He told her they were mine and now I have to spend two hours at therapy for my "smoking problem" every weekend. I've never smoked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 180

You deserved it 3 527

NOT NOW!

By AintEasyBeinWheezy - 28/04/2016 18:26 - United States

Today, while driving me to the hospital because I was having an asthma attack, my mother lit a cigarette. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 339

You deserved it 1 050

LiveLaughFML 10

Sunday 2 October 2011 2:21

it's like being nice to the weird kid and then BOOM stalked for life!

hellojpg 0

Sunday 2 October 2011 2:20

Smoking killss

Comments

jacob2raider 0

Sunday 2 October 2011 5:26

Pie anyone?

hannahcorrine 0

Sunday 2 October 2011 5:27

I feel like theres probably a story behind the cigarette part...

raggyone1 4

Sunday 2 October 2011 5:36

smoking kills and wow creepy kinda stalkerish

fmluserjessica 0

Sunday 2 October 2011 7:03

U stole "smoking kills". From another comment!

Salkadi 9

Sunday 2 October 2011 5:43

When you give a mouse a cookie....

missbeeeiych7 0

Sunday 2 October 2011 5:44

Do u work at Rdi telemArketing .

hannahcorrine 0

Sunday 2 October 2011 6:13

That sounds like a good day.

fuckkyeaaaalaura 12

Sunday 2 October 2011 6:17

FYL :p but I think it's funny (:

jjdominguez 0

Sunday 2 October 2011 6:19

Wow

mbrooks5110 0

Sunday 2 October 2011 6:38

Call the police.

fmluserjessica 0

Sunday 2 October 2011 7:01

911,yes, I have a guy who is trying to be my friend please arrest him.

mj_ok 9

Sunday 2 October 2011 6:38

You should of made a deal with him, give him a whole pack of cigarettes so he can get lost.

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I agree, your life sucks 11

You deserved it 13

Today, I was looking at myself in the mirror and tried to touch my face. Unfortunately I have Tourette's, so my hand just uncontrollably slammed into my cheek, consequently jamming one of my fingernails into it. It started bleeding like crazy. My fingernails aren't exactly long, either… that's how hard it hit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 287

You deserved it 51

The Top

Today, I discovered my cat frequently licks my toothbrush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 661

You deserved it 5 981

Today, I arrived at work early. I noticed the plants on the side of my classroom could use some water so I went out to do so. On the way, I found a beer can. Not wanting the kids to see it, I picked it up but some spilled on my dress. I quickly noticed a familiar smell. No, not beer. Urine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 698

You deserved it 1 267

Today, I was babysitting a little girl. She told me she wanted to go to the park, so we did. As we were walking back, I was carrying her on my back. When we were almost at the front door, she told me she had to pee. I told her to hold it in for a second. As we were walking through the door, I felt a warm spot on my back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 573

You deserved it 16 911

Today, my mom was going through the newspaper and cutting out coupons for me to use. She hands me two of them, one for tampons and the other for a pregnancy test saying "well, you're gonna need one or the other this month." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 739

You deserved it 7 345

Today, on the subject of sex, I asked my son if he uses precautions and he promised me he always gives the ladies a fake name and fake mobile phone number, like dad told him to. I might have several grandbabies I’m never going to meet, and my husband and I are going to be having words. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 505

You deserved it 280

Today, I retook my ACT. I have been fighting a cold all week and have been very sneezy lately. Midway through the test, I got the urge to sneeze. Since it was very quiet and I didn't want to disturb the peace, I tried to hold my sneeze in. I ended up letting out a huge fart instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 281

You deserved it 10 163