Kids: Today, I gave my 5-year-old daughter a unicorn pillow pet. She...

By Anonymous - 09/02/2013 20:03 - United States - Chula Vista

Today, I gave my 5-year-old daughter a unicorn pillow pet. She ended up giving him an ill-advised name, and has been loudly proclaiming to everyone she sees that her pillow pet is Horny. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 907

You deserved it 4 922

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Same thing different taste

By douglas - 17/07/2011 07:14 - United States

Today, I surprised my four year-old daughter with a stuffed dinosaur. She named it "Horny". FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 186

You deserved it 8 255

By Anonymous - 26/04/2014 05:57 - Canada

Today, I bought my niece a plush My Little Pony figure for her birthday. Only after she unwrapped it did I realize that it was meant to be a sex toy for grown men. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 791

You deserved it 19 250

By Ed - 05/12/2010 13:53 - United States

Today, I came home from work to find my five year old daughter drawing unicorns on the wall. The same wall that I had to repaint last week because it had puppies on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 657

You deserved it 11 081

By Anonymous - 16/08/2009 17:14 - United States

Today, my girlfriend named my penis "little baby carrot." FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 117

You deserved it 10 956

By :,< - 17/09/2012 17:16 - United States

Today, I took my daughter to a pony ride at the fair. I paid to have her picture taken, and when we got home, I emailed it to my mom. She replied, disgustedly pointing out that the pretty little pony was displaying a pretty little penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 425

You deserved it 2 622

By Anonymous - 18/03/2011 09:25 - United States

Today, I was woken up by my 5 year-old daughter hitting me with a pillow because she had a dream that I was using her toothbrush on the dog. We don't have a dog. She is now refusing to brush her teeth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 156

You deserved it 4 173

Nice of her

By Bill - 06/12/2009 20:28 - United States

Today, I was sitting on the couch with my 5 year-old on my lap. All of a sudden, she turned to me and said, "Daddy, I love your boobies. They're a good pillow." My own kid just called me fat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 967

You deserved it 18 123

By Anonymous - 11/03/2013 23:32 - Ireland

Today, my 4-year-old daughter couldn't sleep, crying that her teddy bear wants to eat her. My husband thought it would be funny to put the bear right in front of her face while she slept. She's now terrified to sleep anywhere but in our bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 712

You deserved it 6 577

Don't worry!

By Anonymous - 22/01/2020 01:00

Today, my girlfriend of four months asked me to babysit her four-year-old daughter. All went well, and she texted me to see how she was. I wanted to say “a little ornery”. My phone auto corrected ornery to horny. She didn't appreciate that her four-year-old daughter was a little horny from her boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 948

You deserved it 543

By Anonymous - 04/11/2010 21:44 - United States

Today, I came home to find my younger daughter left her silly band collection on the carpet in front of the fireplace. I now have melted unicorns and princesses stuck in my carpet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 006

You deserved it 4 198

txgirl2013 14

Sunday 10 February 2013 2:59

Well it's better than my cousin calling his zebra a "stripper" because of its stripes.

kingsian 15

Sunday 10 February 2013 3:05

I say let the child be a child. That's the beauty of being a child the innocent.

Comments

JanisEvans 10

Sunday 10 February 2013 11:23

Awwww, that's adorable.

JanisEvans 10

Sunday 10 February 2013 11:36

You clearly don't understand the term 'xenophobia'.

misslifeguard 7

Sunday 10 February 2013 12:06

One day she will look back and be like "oh god why?"

TheyCallMeDamien 17

Sunday 10 February 2013 13:27

That's CLASSIC!

minagiv 11

Sunday 10 February 2013 13:31

Tell her what I tell my son, "That's a description, not a name. Try again."

BellaFurfaro 12

Sunday 10 February 2013 14:38

Maybe it's time to have "The Talk".

EvilUndead 9

Sunday 10 February 2013 14:57

1. Videotape it. 2. Use the record to tease her when she gets older.

NoBuenoLeno 9

Sunday 10 February 2013 16:01

Last year in my drama class this girl named her stuff pig "nip slip."

fdupagain 11

Sunday 10 February 2013 16:05

If she is anything like my daughter, the name will stick, inky because if the reaction. She doesn't understand why she gets that reaction, but because she does, she well say it a much and often as she can.