Love: Today, I gave my girlfriend some non-alcoholic beer as a joke....

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By IntimidatorStag - 06/02/2009 23:54 - United States

Today, I gave my girlfriend some non-alcoholic beer as a joke. In slurred speech, she told me I have the body of a monk seal. She then took my keys, staggered to my car, and drove away. She crashed into a tree two blocks later. She's fine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 346

You deserved it 30 579

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Same thing different taste

By H-B - 28/04/2009 08:53 - United States

Today, I went out with a girl who I really love. We arrived to her house and before she got out of the car, I attempted to kiss her as planned. Still drunk, I grabbed her head and twisted it when I kissed her. She's now wearing a neck brace. Real smooth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 605

You deserved it 88 987

By Anonymous - 02/01/2015 22:14 - United States - Baltimore

Today, I got shitfaced at a club. A cute girl I'd met earlier in the evening offered to drive me home in my car and spend the night with me. She crashed my car and did a runner before the cops showed up. They wouldn't believe my story. I now have a wrecked car and a DUI. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 127

You deserved it 10 278

By Chedder - 26/06/2009 23:36 - United States

Today, I tried to keep a drunk girl from driving by holding her keys, but she had a spare set in her purse. She hit me with her car when I was walking home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 031

You deserved it 3 507

By sandyhome - 11/04/2011 15:20 - United States

Today, I went on a date with a girl. We drove separately and met at the restaurant. Over the course of two hours she drank a gallon and a half of beer, then her boyfriend picked her up because she was too drunk to drive home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 785

You deserved it 6 277

By Anonymous - 01/09/2009 15:09 - United States

Today, I met a girl at a bar. After buying her a few drinks, we decided to head back to her place. Not wanting to leave either of our cars, I followed her home. While driving, she sent me text because she missed her exit. I tried to text her back something witty and instead rear ended her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 578

You deserved it 69 640

By random guy - 30/03/2016 06:49 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend of 3 years. She responded by drinking all the alcohol in sight, falling unconscious and pissing herself. Six hours later, she said that I was too immature and that's why it would never work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 143

You deserved it 1 867

By justafriend - 28/05/2017 00:00

Today, I went to a bar with a close friend. She got drunk and was feeling sick, so I carried her to my car to take her to her house. Some stranger accused me of drugging her and tackled me with her in my arms. She threw up on me, and he took off running without an apology. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 264

You deserved it 389

On the sauce

By drinkdrankdrunk - 27/09/2013 07:33 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I woke up from a night of heavy drinking to find my girlfriend dumped me. Apparently I drunk-called her last night and told her that someone as beautiful as her could be with someone way better than me. She agreed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 276

You deserved it 17 929

All over the place

By nemi - 31/08/2010 22:33 - Norway

Today, I was out having a beer with a few friends. After getting a pint, I slipped in a puddle of beer, fell on top of a stranger on the sofa, and knocked my beer upside down on my head. Then, completely soaked, I realized I'd also knocked over the table, spilling its content on a poor girl across it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 683

You deserved it 8 850

By Anonymous - 15/01/2011 20:21 - United States

Today, I was told by my girlfriend that in the thralls of my drunken haze last night, I tried to French-kiss her mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 402

You deserved it 37 718

whiskeydick 0

Saturday 7 February 2009 18:52

who gets anything off of one beer anyway? if she was any more of a lightweight she'd float away.

dan81892 2

Monday 13 July 2009 18:10

it means that she thought she was drinking something alcoholic, and her being "drunk" was all in her head, although she still managed to do something stupid like crashing the OP's car.

Comments

cartering 0

Monday 23 March 2009 7:14

17, people with certain medical conditions can get "drunk" off of things like cough medicine. That's why they can't ever take anything over the counter without a doctor's pre-approval. Sounds like his girlfriend is one of them and he learned it the hard way

dewberry2001 25

Sunday 2 August 2015 7:19

Medical conditions required to get ****** up off cough syrup: 1) Breathing 2) Has pulse 3) In the animal kingdom

xRachaelColleenx 0

Tuesday 24 March 2009 12:07

Umm...can I just say...What the ****? lol

lilylam 0

Tuesday 14 April 2009 21:50

isnt there a difference in taste without the alcohol in the drink or something?

Roddsy 0

Tuesday 5 May 2009 3:27

LOL drunk off non-alcoholic beer?! freakin hilarious ^o^ F both of your lives. XD and yeah, there's a difference in taste #48 ^^; but non-alcoholic beers still contain a little alcohol in them.

Rag_dollxx 21

Wednesday 5 March 2014 5:28

Of course they don't. If they contained alcohol they wouldn't be called "non alcoholic" would they, you spoon.

spadez 0

Tuesday 2 June 2009 17:00

Bitch

Ventriloquisitor 0

Sunday 14 June 2009 10:15

Should have given her a fortified beer instead, keep her mind off Mr. Monk Seal.

mtorres8789 0

Monday 15 June 2009 20:04

how powerful the mind is (sigh) lol. thats what you get.

SookMauNoots 0

Friday 19 June 2009 12:25

who gets that drunk off one beer anyways? even if it does have alcohol. what a dumb bitch. fhl

dan81892 2

Monday 13 July 2009 18:10

it means that she thought she was drinking something alcoholic, and her being "drunk" was all in her head, although she still managed to do something stupid like crashing the OP's car.